Some time ago, when I bought the Steem Gnome character, I also bought this Zombie Gnome. Is it time to send this one around the globe in the hopes that the shitty fumes we've all been breathing on Steemit recently get swept away by some miracle?

I have not been active on Steemit starting around the beginning of March. The reason I stayed away is quite bizarre and frightening. The Western world looks down upon those who have visions. I am someone who has always had very visual images come to my mind in a subconscious way. Some call them hallucinations. I call them waking dreams that force me to wake up to a truth I've been suppressing. Most people only see their subconscious at night. Not me. I see my subconscious during the day.

Around March 3, I had a very strong visual image of a battered person come to me in a vision.

I knew this vision represented Steemit. It was clear that I was personifying the fighting and discord that I had been observing for some time. The vision actually scared me significantly, and I became nauseous. The character had a fake metal leg, bruised eyes, and hair missing. The figure looked like she had just returned from Syria. Her face was bloody too. This personified Steemit horror scared the crap out of me. I recoiled and decided not to go on Steemit for a while.

It was at this point I began rethinking my use of energy.

I began searching for other projects that seemed to be based on a healthy community, not fighting. All arrows pointed to Dash as I read a tweet by Roger Ver and watched more videos about the soon-to-be-released Evolution. I came to Steemit because I believed I could make a difference and I believed in Dan's vision. I thought I could help to build a community that was unified in a common dream. The vision I had two weeks ago I think reminded me that I am suffering from disillusionment and wishful thinking.

Artists and creators are usually at odds with finding sources of money, so that they can continue creating without fear of censorship, sponsorship leaving, etc. A lot of good artists usually end up broke because they cannot play a medium field of placating those who support them monetarily. I thought I had found my silver bullet with Steemit. I am not so sure, now, that this can happen because there lacks cohesion. BTW, I'm not talking about my payouts. Those actually don't matter to me very much as I have come to the understanding that I have to make money outside of Steemit. The community and its constant fighting is what I feel is perhaps bringing a negative cloud over this place. No one wants to build a house in a warzone.

But I'm not canceling out that it could happen. I have benefitted so much from Steemit and poured a ton of work into it. It's this energy that I feel perhaps has not gone into the right direction........I can't help but feel regret and also betrayal from Dan Larimer. Was it his intractable personality that caused him to leave? Is he not capable of working in teams? I would guess that is the root of the problem, but that's just a guess. I hate it that Tone Vays was right. This is very unsettling.

I'm open to the idea that Steemit could get its shit together, especially when the Communities are here. But that vision I had scared the crap out of me, and it forced me to open my eyes to a new community that I discovered is functioning very well and who does appear to appreciate my gifts. I think what that vision told me is to expand myself into other areas that might need my exact skills. I think Steemit had become like a serious heroin habit for me, and was taking up too much of my energy. That's not a smart thing to do, but I have an addict's mind, so I tend to overdo everything.

I'm a writer and artist, so I don't really have an option to leave Steemit after I have posted nearly every day since June 2016. But, I am weaning myself off the unhealthy addiction that I have had up until that ghastly vision came to me. My soul is mostly vaporized and I'm still here posting in a semi ghostlike fashion, out of habit, addiction and because writing is a disease for me. But I think my raw enthusiasm is dampened for now. Let's see what will happen.................

I don't have a solid point with this post. I will say that because I acted upon my horrible vision, I'm in a much better place financially and emotionally.

I'm enjoying the new feeling of my upvotes giving people $.50. The experiment is good as far as I can tell. People seem to be liking their newly found powers.