My Yoga Shadow Work Journal On Steemit #01

Hi,

a couple of years ago I was feeling bad about my health. I was working for seven years in a big corporation store and this work was making me sick. My hands wouldn't move properly and I was always in pain. For a year I was always sick at home and had my arm stabilized for two months, because of my wrist. So I decided to do something. After trying some classes I made my mind and decided to do Yoga classes. At the beginning everything was fine and I was loving it. But after one year, the Yoga teacher quit her day job and decided to put all her effort into the classes. I felt that her attitude changed and classes stop working for me. When I had doubts about something and asked she responded with arrogance and often I felt like she was being sarcastic. But I still went on, until the moment I felt that some parts of my body were not feeling right. I developed buttocks amnesia and started to research, and found out that some asanas where not being properly made. I quit Yoga and developed a sensation of hate towards this discipline.

Recently I noticed I was always curved forward, and started thinking it was my back, but found out it was my shoulders. Being for long hours in front of the computer and not exercising (and also probably something in my mind patterns and the way I digest, or not, emotions) made me developed an upper crossed shoulder syndrome.

For one month I'm struggling to be more aware of my posture and been doing some corrective exercises. But still, I notice that it's not enough.

So I decided to start to practice Yoga again, this time at home, with Adriene Mishler youtube channel and started with this vid from the Challenge "DEDICATE - A 30 Day Yoga Journey".

I already knew this channel and love the way she expresses. My first ever Yoga teacher was like this, always telling we had to listen to our body and that Yoga was not competition, until the day she started to took it too seriously, and started to neglect everything she taught me, especially Ahimsa toward the self and others.

( Yes, I have to admit to myself that I still hold a grudge against my old teacher. I loved your classes until the day you started to depend on it as your only source of income... and I discovered you have not the knowledge to correct and support your students doubts about human anatomy... but still learned so much, especially not to depend only from what I love as a source​ of income)

Today with Adriene I discovered Yoga again. Today something happened for the first time. Almost at the end of this class (at minute 41) while on Balasana, extended child's pose, that used to be one of my favorite asanas, I felt a line of pain in my left shoulder, nothing aggressive, but still it was painful. The strange thing (well not much) it was that I started to cry and cried and cried even after it ended!!!!

I was not sad, I felt great, this emotional burst came as a surprise. So now I'm wondering... before I didn't feel this with Balasana, but before my shoulders where not like they are now. What mental patterns do I have now that I didn't​ have​ before, what emotions are trapped in my left shoulder?

I will definitely​ continue with the DEDICATE - A 30 Day Yoga Journey by Adriene Mishler​ and will start writing "My Yoga Shadow Work Journal"

Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. “The Philosophical Tree” (1945). In CW 13: Alchemical Studies. P.335