Two months ago we agreed to an open relationship. She found someone very quickly and now is in love. I found my guitar and more time for me. At first, it was exciting to see her so full of joy and happiness. Her attitude and desire to be sexual was through the roof.
Over time though I noticed I was feeling hurt as the new relationship energy just swept her away. It felt like our relationship was being overshadowed by this other one she was in. Id see her texting him all the time and then trying to find more time to see him. I started going from a love of seeing her happy to the anger of the existence of all of this.
We talked a lot.. a whole lot. I told her I don't like this anymore. I felt like wallpaper. But the problem was, if I said stop, then there is resentment if I said keep going then there was this continual pain.
I was in a bad place. The more I tried the more it all hurt.
So... what was the solution?
If I could find a way to put some boundaries down to protect US, what we have? and then take my attention and focus it inward into what and who I was.. the deep presence of the I Am. That may be the answer.
So we talked and I suggested some boundaries for this exploration that she is going thru. Things like,... set up a schedule of dates so I can prepare. Don't have him over the house anymore, it's too much. These two she agreed with and they seemed to help.
I then, turned my attention from making the relationship and her and us my life to focus on me. I focused on home... the inner presence of who I am. This involved making music again, writing, and doing seminars.
This would offer our relationship breath and my energy coming into her home would be a sailboat vs a powerboat.
Two hours after I shifted my attention to me and my presence... I get a call from her.
She tells me two things..
that she loves me more than ever and that I have not been seeing it as I was wrapped up in her little story or exploring too much
she wants me to move in at the end of summer, life is too short.
I smiled at all of this.
Today I feel a new and old relationship returning. It's a new me, this is the me she met years ago. It's full of breath and openness.
The future? Who knows what that will be... who knows. But what is guaranteed and I have complete control over is?? This.. just this.. here.. this presence of me resting in myself naturally.. This act is happiness.
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Photo by karl chor on Unsplash