Lessons I wish I had taught my kids - Installment 2

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

"You don't need that!"

Those were the famous words of my father...or perhaps they are better described as "infamous." They were famous because I think many of his oft-quoted sayings were quite endearing and this was certainly one of the more common ones. I still miss my father, he passed away in 2000. Infamous because that's what he said pretty much every time I asked him to buy something for me when I was a child.

DSCF0985.JPG

For instance:

Me: "Dad, can I have a new bike."

Dad: "You don't need that."

My parents never gave me an allowance. They told me if I wanted something just to ask. But, after years of hearing that same response over and over, I quit asking because I hated those four words.

Nike Hartsel 76mm WW.jpg

Fast forward to my kids, I was more of a pushover. Reactionary to my father's, "You don't need that," I swung the pendulum a little too far the other way. Fortunately, I married Wonder Woman/SuperMom who balanced me out. Wonder Woman was, and still is, a tightwad. Whenever the kids wanted something, I was always desirous to give it to them and fortunately my wife would often pump the brakes. But it was swimming upstream for her so the kids maybe got a little spoiled.

I never gave them allowances in exchange for chores because I was lazy and just told them if they wanted something to just ask. And instead of "You don't need that," often I'd cave in.

After Paint 011.jpg

Looking back, I wish I'd given them an allowance, taught them how to budget their money and balance a checkbook. Simple tasks and not too much effort would have been involved. But, they're having to learn it on their own now. It would have been far better to teach them when they were kids.

So what's the deal with the rocket photos?

That was my hobby during my kids' formative years. I don't do as much anymore, but it was a lot of fun at the time. As impressive as those vehicles were, and as cool in flight as they were, they're not nearly as meaningful now. Knowing what I know now, I would trade all the time I put into those things for more time to teach my kids how to budget, how to balance their checkbooks and just have fun with them.

If you have kids at home now, my advice to you is to take the cell phone away from them, put the video games away and go bowling or toss a baseball...or if you're like me, shoot some hoops with them. Or invest some time into them teaching a life skill like changing a flat tire or how to jump a dead battery. That's what will have a lasting impact on them, not how much money you made or a stupid hobby that's all about you like rockets were for me. Pretty soon that empty nest thing will catch you by surprise and BOOM, the flood of regrets will hit you.

Sort:  

Thanks for sharing this!

My father would let me have pretty much anything I wanted... IF I made half the money, myself. I hated it at the time, but it sure taught me the "value of money," as well as to be less impulsive, when it came to spending. I think it's where I learned the importance of "lasting value."

I read a book called the First National Bank of Dad when my wife was pregnant 11 years ago. The idea is that your kids will get the idea of handling money if you just give them some and let them suffer the consequences of not saving. The only catch is that you need to offer them an interest rate that matches their sense of time.

When kids are 5 or so they get the concept of money, but time is hard for them to understand. Next month and next year are both in the distant, unknowable future for them. A five year old needs an interest rate that pays out a good return in a week, not a year.

The book suggests that you make a bank for your kids that pays out an interest rate that starts very high and tapers off as they get into their teens. It worked very well for my daughter. She likes to buy things, but she really thinks hard about it when she knows that she is spending from her own account in the Bank of Dad.

That's a great idea...I should have read that book 11 years ago and implemented the strategy. Love it, thanks for sharing!

Man, this is a great story. Looks like we have the same father!

My brother from another mother! Another famous...truly famous saying was, "Who said like it...EAT IT."