New Year, New Ideas, New Goals OR WTF Am I Doing Here

Sitting here in front of my monitor with a large blank test box staring at me wondering about a few things.

I don't call myself a writer because even the thought of it bores me to tears. So, in doing this, am I trying to be someone else ? Or let out a part of the unknown real me ? To be honest, the thought of making videos, merch and music excites me but I have learned something about myself in the past week. I seem to do a better job reacting to things instead of coming up with something first.

Like this writing here, I am mentally conversating with myself as the silent replies being what you are reading.

You ever get that feeling of wanting to procrastinate even when you are busy doing something that you know you want to do ? I do - right now lol. That part of my brain is tapping me on the shoulder right now and saying: "Hey, how about a little sweet snack ?". Which granted, does sound good, but it would also mean stopping me from writing this (doing something creative today) and going out to the gas station for sugary stuff that I don't need to be eating. Because you know, a better diet is also one of those New Year Goals right ?!!

But this is my life - one side of me fighting with the other side about almost everything. I am not talking about the split personality type of situation. I wish - that would at least make everything more interesting in a 2 Face - Batman villain kind of way. :P

No, I mean well.. for example: One side of thoughts - Other side of thoughts

While watching videos online: That looks like something that would be cool to do - Yea it does.

After watching 100 videos on how to do it, buying a bunch of gear and sitting down to plan out the ideas:

Alright, I have this idea and this one and this idea for a show. - Yea those are great ideas for videos and yes let's make our own music for the background.

Sits down and gets ready to shoot the video with a vague idea about what to say - Uhhh wtf are you doing ? You have to be more energetic than that and don't you think they may already know that ???

I am trying to be more relaxed and laid back because it is more personable and relatable though. - *no one is going to sit and wait for you to get to the point ? *

Ok, so maybe I do need to at least get a good idea of what exactly I want to say and get through it a bit better.

But remember what the videos said - just be yourself.

That conversation right there is why this writing is about the first creative thing I have done since the new year started that I can actually say that got completed.

Am I the only one that goes through this ?

Is there a name for this type of thing ?

Let me know below while I sneak out and get that snack and maybe come back and make one of those videos that I have been wanting to make.