Words of a Weary Writer

As a writer, do you ever feel as though you will never escape the trenches of writer’s block—that you will forever find yourself frustrated by a lack of ideas and motivation to write anything worthwhile?

I joined this community in the hopes of sparking motivation to write, but I find myself in the same state of frustration that has kept me from consistently writing on my personal blog as of late. One year ago it was all so easy—so, so, so easy—to write several times a week. I felt like I had an endless supply of ideas, as well as a generous amount of time. What happened, you are probably wondering? Why this change of heart—this newfound melancholy? Well, one year ago I spent several months unemployed, desperately seeking a job. Thus, I had every waking moment (well, nearly) to engage in the realm of writing and creativity. I can’t say I was happy then (being unemployed and having to pay student loans sucks!), but at least I could devote myself to my writing. While I am incredibly grateful for my current employment, I am frustrated that it has come at the cost of my writing habits. I know, I know, life is like that and I better learn how to write regardless of where I work and what is going on. I know that and I take full responsibility for not writing as frequently now. If being a writer is truly my “dream,” then it is up to me to make time to write—it is up to me to take time, even if for only five minutes, to write regardless of whether or not I feel like it.

That’s the problem though—I don’t feel like it. For months now I have not felt like writing. A rundown of my day usually goes something like this: I get home from work, fight the urge to not go to bed at 6:30pm, and spend the remainder of my evening watching TV—all the while feeling guilty for not writing.

I may not consider my current employment my dream job, but I do believe that it has offered me a wealth of things to write about. For one, I know I am changing because of the situations I find myself in and the people I interact with on a daily basis. Secondly, there is a rather vast quantity of interesting characters living in this fine world of ours. You would think that would all provide me the necessary material to revisit my creative side and write, yet—that dreadful yet—the weariness and discouragement I feel whenever I even think about what to write keeps beating me in this silly battle of just trying. Then again, maybe it's not actually beating me. Maybe I am just throwing down my sword and saying, "Here, pierce my lazy heart!"

I will be the first to admit that I am a perfectionist. I find it difficult to write for the sake of writing—to get into the habit of writing just for the sake of practicing my writing. I get in my own way because I feel that whatever I write has to be remotely worth reading. Whenever my writing professors in college would incorporate free-writing exercises into class time—exercises where you had to sit and write for several minutes without stopping to correct mistakes or overthink what you were writing--it took a lot of willpower for me to not stop and scrutinize every single word and thought that I was forced to hastily jot down and run from.

For those of you who also consider yourself writers, how do you push past any counterproductive thoughts and simply write for the sake of writing? I know I should just sit down and write something—anything—whether or not I find it “worthy” of publishing or sharing, but I am weary. I know that is a terrible excuse and you probably wish I would stop my grumbling already, but this is where I am in life right now.

I think one of the true tests of any serious writer is to be diligent about writing regardless of another job or life's numerous distractions, but I want to know how others handle this because right now I am failing miserably. Sometimes I cannot help but ask myself, “Am I truly a writer? Am I truly worthy of such a title when I have spent so much time not writing?”

Thanks for reading this mush. Any thoughts on this little "dilemma" of mine are greatly appreciated.

-Jo March