Read this now, gonna read it again later, and probably several times more. It's just so easy with a mind that ruminates, and once you get in that spin-cycle, you get thrown further and further out. And when the world so rarely recognizes or reflects that worth you know you should feel, it makes it even harder. If I had more people by my side for support it would be easier, but you know that the older you get the harder it is to make friends, and a situation like this only compounds the difficulty. I think the industry I tried to be a part of didn't help at all. Thank you again for such great advice and compassion :)
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I agree. The last 2 years I have spent in about the same mindset as you are in now. over the course of the last 138 days on Steemit, learning to find my place....... OMG, sorry dropping a link because this describes my last 138 days the best.........
https://steemit.com/creative/@snook/my-incredible-journey-the-over-20-club
and from that........I am now, again, finally in a place where I can honestly say I'm happy again.
Does that mean the last now almost 3 very, very bad years never happened and that all I had before, which if we are being honest wasn't much, is back in full force? No........it is not.
But maybe some of those things I really missed from 3 years ago will come back but if they don't it's way past time to move forward and learn what I can do to make ME happiest now.
Yes, still have bad days, but they are back to the bad days of 8 years ago when I lost my job due to my health and everyone thought I was crazy so I had to learn how to make my own happiness before I really was crazy. LOLLL
Hope this one makes sense.... Just know you are not alone in what you are going through!
It's a journey with no end. But, what makes it possible is the people we have beside us :) When you hit rock bottom there is so much that you learn. About yourself, about others, about what's important... :)
snook said pretty much everything I was going to say as well. And when the mind spins and spins, I find it helpful to exercise and really concentrate on my breath. Keep thinking: I am breathing in, I am breathing out and that brings a little space in the brain fro calmness.
Since one of my clients had me join their jiujitsu club in order for them to become my client, I've been good on that end. Get all that excess energy off in a constructive manner :) Breathing is what I really need to to better. When the black cycle starts, that calm in-out with focusing on something positive instead of a quick in-out.
for sure. I think being able to be a watcher of the self - even if it is just little glimpses - allows us to step away from our "stories". One app on the phone I find helpful is called Access Consciousness. It has a free version. Basically, you set a reminder - maybe as often as every 5 minutes, and check in with yourself and see what is swirling in the mind. Then, you ask yourself how much of that is yours and how much of it doesn't belong to you.
Like feeling not good enough or whatever it is what we are struggling with. Then, you send all that doesn't belong to you (which is often 100% someone else's label, always at least 98%) back to them with a thank you, but no thank you. There is more to it, but it has instructions....
Gonna have to check that out :) I think anything that gives us a moment outside that moment and gives us a bit of perspective, is like a potential toehold to move forward with life. I know some people use a rubber band on their wrist, snap it when the cycle starts.
But we have to want to get better, which is sometimes hard because you've been dragged down so far and the light doesn't even seem to exist.
That being said, the last couple weeks, the people I've met, conversations I've had, and actions people have taken to help me, I think have give me a toehold to start moving forward again. I can't just whine and be like, 'no ones there!!!!' wah wah.' There's just too much evidence that there's hope for me to ignore...universe is hitting me in the face with it too much...which is awesome :)
My journey is by no means anywhere near the end...don't think there is one, but I'm on a path now. It's gonna be hard, but maybe I've found the place for the healing to finally begin. Once again, as cornball as that seems, hehe. Thanks for being a part of it @mariannewest :)
I am glad that you are starting to see some light. It is so hard when in a dark space. But I think you have come to a good place - I know that it is an online world - but we are all real people and so many on here are immensely supportive!