New Story - again written exclusively on Steemit - WiP - Bouncer Part 27

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

This story is evolving with a pace all its own. I'm listening to the feedback and if something resonates, I've decided that I'll go with it (thanks @kiwideb). Feel free to give feedback on characters, storylines etc - even if you think it's harsh.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Pictures from Google free to use search

Please note: This is the FIRST DRAFT, no editing, written straight onto paper. I don't know how to highlight that any more than it is. I'll NOT be making any alterations to what's already been written. As a good friend and excellent author has said, First draft is a race to get the story down before it decides to stop telling itself to you. Thanks Glenn. @alienbutt

62 pages, 24,454 words so far.


Joe arrived fifteen minutes before his shift started. Taylor opened the door and let him in and he made sure the door was locked securely when he closed it.

They wandered around the empty club, imagining how things would look when the wrappers were off and everything was set up to accept customers.

The VIP room was not only locked, the floor to ceiling windows were masked off too. One corner hung down a little and Taylor peeped in.

“Can’t see anything, but if it’s as good as the club in Manchester, it’s going to be awesome,” he said to Joe.

“I can’t wait to see these being used,” he said, one hand wrapped around a bar of one of the dance cages.

The two men chatted and wandered, and drank coffee. Taylor said, “I brought a pack of cards with me, for such eventualities as a lull in the action.”

“Action?” Joe said and he laughed. “Yeah, you talk funny, Taylor, and you use big words when normal ones would do, but you have a good sense of humour. I’m getting to like your little jokes.”

They played a couple of hands of cards and went to do their rounds. That made up the routine for the night.

At a little after three am, the cards laid aside for the moment as they talked about family, the two doormen heard a loud and heavy thump.

Taylor turned to the CCTV screen to see a group of around five men hefting a wheeliebin at the club front door.

Taylor and Joe heard the same thump as before and realised how the noise had been made.

Taylor picked up the club phone and speed-dialled the police. He explained who he was and what was happening. The operator said they’d get the town’s CCTV operators to zoom in on the club and she’d send a patrol. She also told Taylor not to go and engage with the vandals.

Joe and Taylor watched. Blue lights flashed from one end of the road and the vandals stopped what they were doing and legged it in the opposite direction.

Taylor phoned Zack to keep him appraised of the situation and watched the screens.

Taylor gave a running commentary on the vandals. Another police car came down the one-way street the wrong way and herded the vandals back toward the club. The men picked up bottles and other missiles to throw. One fell backwards over the discarded wheeliebin and the police moved in. Because there was no escape for the vandals, they were apprehended and shoved into a police van. When they were all locked up, there was a knock on the side door. Taylor and Joe went downstairs to speak with the police officer.

“You guys got here quick, thanks for that,” Taylor said.

“No problem, we’ve been keeping an eye on The Cobalt because we were expecting something like this to kick off. To be honest, this is a little tame,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m thinking this is the calm before the storm,” Taylor said. “See you tomorrow night, probably.”

“And the rest,” the officer said.

“Not necessarily. The boss is coming in on Wednesday, so there should be more of us knocking about, should keep the scrotes away if they think there’s someone watching them,” Taylor said.

“Let’s hope so, they tend to get brave when there’s no one around,” the officer said. “Goodnight then, I hope it’s the last time we have to come ‘round tonight.”

“If you keep hold of that lot ‘til morning, I don’t see there being much more for you to do,” Taylor said. Then as an afterthought, he added, “If you want to come by on the pre-opening night on Thursday, tell the guys on the door that I sent you.”

“Thanks Taylor, I’ll call after work, I’m on an earlier shift on Thursday.”

When they’d locked up and gone upstairs again, Joe said, “That copper knows you.”

“Yeah, I recognise him from school. He was a couple of years older than me, I think,” Taylor said.

“Smart move, keeping the coppers friendly,” Joe said.

“I didn’t see any harm in it,” Taylor said.

Zack agreed with him when Taylor phoned to let him know all was quiet once more. “I told the lead copper that he could come ‘round on Thursday,” he said.

“Yeah, even if a couple of them come over, it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m sure Liz can put them on your guest list if you ask nicely,” he said. “Leave off with checking the door for damage. We can do that when it’s light.”

Taylor decided against disturbing Liz so late. She’d be there in a couple of hours anyway.

By the time Liz arrived, even though she was early, the quiet night had taken its toll on Taylor and Joe and they were tired and ready for going home.

“You get off home, Joe, I’ll wait for Zack,” Taylor told him.

Joe nodded and left. “Seeya tomorrow,” he said as he closed the door.

Taylor told Liz about the night’s adventure and she agreed with Zack that they could check over the damage in daylight.

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Great one @michelle.gent. Waiting for next part✌.

I like your writing but I have not been able to fully read all the parts you write because it takes more than 1 hour to read.
good work @michelle.gent !!!
Thank you

Good post 👍

I have read 5 parts last weekend I will read more parts on weekend , My sister love to read this story , her favorite character is zack

The story will start to move fast once the characters have settled into their parts :)

After a short break, you again returned to work.
Interesting and brutal conclusion of the last chapter
It is obvious that the attack of the vandals was planned, it is interesting
Thank you,
I look forward to

It's too convenient, isn't it... :)

Thank heavens the coppers got in on time. Prompt cry for help isn't always a guarantee that the coppers will come early enough. Their prompt response sure saved their ass.

It was just a bunch of kids... letting of steam... maybe ;)

I like this shadow.. Wow, can shadow for pictures?

That's awesome! Reading a book in this setting, aye frikin maze ing! I'll finish it up later, as it is a bit of a story after all.

This is going to be a full novel, I think :)

great, you publish the book too? @michelle.gent

Yes. I believe this will make a good book :)

Wow
I really love this
I seem to like taylor

Thank you. I like him too :)

great story..loved it...felt good to upvote it...have a great day!!

I like your first drafts because it gives us a little peak at your unadulterated work...not that your work is adulterated necessarily...

But it gives us some insight into your raw creativity- and how it flows out of you..

I think you've hit the nail on the head - raw creativity. Thank you. I like that :)

Peek* lol autocorrect.

Yeah it’s creativity at its purest form!

Hey I don’t know if you use your phone for Steemit or if you already know about this..but there is a new Steemit app called Steemify. It tell you who upvoted and what not. You may already have it or don’t care haha but check it out otherwise.

You're a great writer.

Love that you drive the story toward where the feedback suggests. Cool idea!

Hi Steemians, @michelle.gent I’ve started a crowd-sourced story here. It’s about AgentX and his secret life with cat-women. Here’s an invitation to write the next line of the story! https://steemit.com/story/@suezaacat/chapter-1 @suezaacat