Helpful Advice for Writers
Michael Carroll, 20170614
Writers receive lots of advice, sometimes even from people who actually know what they’re talking about. I’ve been writing full-time since mid-1999, and in that time I’ve collected a lot of handy pieces of advice that have been slung in my direction. Here is my current top ten...
“What you need to do to make it big is write, like, four or five really excellent short stories and then the big publishers will take notice and sign you up.”
“Michael Carroll’s sentences are too short and that makes reading his story all juddery, like going down the stairs on a tea-tray.”
“The method by which your hero gains his abilities seem a little far-fetched. Could aliens have given him his powers instead? I realize that there are no other aliens in the story but that would help make it more of a mystery!”
“You should write the action scenes in a hurry, because that way the readers will think they’re happening much faster.”
“To make your characters seem more credible, give them the same problems and quirks that real people have. I’ve attached a list of interesting quirks that my ex-wife’s solicitor sent to me.”
“I don’t think that your story was very believable because in real life there are no werewolves.”
“Your chapters vary in length from four pages to more than twenty. Consistency is the hallmark of a professional!”
“Write about what you know. Unless you don’t know it, in which case learn it first and then write about it.”
“Re: the scene in the office where Susan makes tea. She’s a modern woman, not a slave to archaic misogynistic attitudes! Have her assistant June make the tea instead.”
“The text is peppered with far too many obscure colloquial phrases! Seriously, they’re like sprinkles on a Krispy Kreme.”