How I dream, how I feel, how I get confused

There are those ''empty days'' when you are full of emotions, but empty of ways to put them on paper. I feel confused and happy at the same time. Everything is hazy and I feel like I am floating. I had so many dreams tonight that they left an impact on my mood today. I always stay half way into my dreams, my brain analyzes them into the background.

Lately my dreams make me feel like something bad is going to happen. Not to me, but in general. They have this grim tone of death and chaos, and pain. I learned long ago not to get scared in my dreams so I mostly feel like a watcher from the sidelines, but there are always emotions. I have seen some war themed pictures conjured in my head. Still, I do not really feel afraid from what I encounter in the dreamland.

I have been fighting a whole lot in my sleep lately, I got killed in one of my dreams a couple of months ago and it was the weirdest sensation. When it happened, I remember being at peace and turning into liquid. Then I fell through the ground and was alive again. It was like turning 360 degrees and just continuing on. I have never been particularly afraid of death so it did not feel like a big deal in the dream, plus I always have that notion when I sleep, that I am dreaming.

I know that dreams are just mirrors of how we feel, so that is why I am so confused. My life is okay, I am overall positive. Maybe it is all the things happening in the world that make me feel so disconnected from today, maybe I am subconsciously battling something that my consciousness doesn't see yet.

I dream a lot in one night, at least three dreams that may be completely different from each other. What fascinates me the most is how I switch from one dream to another. There is always a common element that brings me from the first dream to the second and then to the next ones. For example, if I am accompanied with one person in one of my dreams, this person will cross over to the next one and then gradually change (it/he/she may change in shape, size, tone or become an object altogether, but I will always recognize it as that person from my first dream, even if it becomes a brick).

Then I sometimes accidentally destroy my dreams. I mostly know that I am dreaming, so sometimes I fakely feel like I am waking up. I usually never want to wake up before a dream ends, I love the stories taking place in my head, so I try to hold on to them completely, but sometimes my waking up notion makes the dream rip apart and it changes into a stupid version where the sights are two dimensional or the maps do not make sense anymore. Other times there is just darkness when I almost wake up of feel like I am waking up.

On occasion I will have the most stupid buildings in my dreams, for example, tall, skinny and with only staircases. Holes everywhere. That makes me annoyed as I love when my dreams are beautiful. Tonight in one of my dreams there were mountains. They formed a row, there was literary just a row of mountains that looked the same and the only difference between them were the colors of the flowers covering them, they were all with snowy peaks, but on the bottom some had red, yellow or green flowers. The colors repeated in a pattern.

I have emotions in my dreams that I have never experienced while awake, it makes me feel like I have so much more to unlock within myself and so much more to learn from life, it makes me feel like there are things that I do not yet understand about myself. I feel like I do not feel all the emotions I could and that maybe I need to push myself harder.

There has been a kind of blanket covering my dreams, a blanket of dark emotions. I have a feeling of doom that I can not explain and it confuses me so much as I feel okay at the moment. I love my dreams, because they have always been part of me, they bring me to marvelous places with the most magical sights, and even though they are darker than usual at the moment, I still love the experiences as they partly shape the way I think and feel.

Have the best day, week and life,
Linda