A day of a cynic

Today is a warm sunny day, with leaves shimmering in a light caressing spring breeze and birds’ singing filling me with hope. I am on my way to my job office. A charming girl in an elegant dress, apparently in her late twenties, is passing me by. Holy heavens, how enticing she is! Concerning my maniacal reaction to thig girl. I am a 34-year-old single and currently chained by excruciating desire to have sex. I live in a conservative, traditional society where the price of sex is excessively high: one has to necessarily marry in order to have it. Virginity of nubiles is zealously guarded by religious and societal notions (someone from the Western world is not going to be able to understand this sentence at all). No, no, do not get me wrong – I do not only want to fornicate, I am in search of a romantic, beautiful relationship. But what options do I have? There are no single females in the office where I work, in the street where I live. Most people “find” their partners by the generous gift of fate: the get acquainted at their common place of job, a friend introduces a charming, attractive person at an evening party, or a charming, attractive person happens to travel in an intercity bus on the neighbouring seat etc. Upon having been awarded by such a gift of fate, they daresay – quite condescendingly and self-assuredly – that it was their own choice, that they have finally found their true love as a result of insistent search. My dear illusioned fellow, waiting for the fate’s gift is not choosing, it is simply embracing what has been bestowed upon you. I have so far not been blessed by the gift of fate – at least for the last 5 years – and thus have to act by myself.

Websites for dating are no longer a solution. I do not have time and energy to do months-long online chatting with no guarantee to have a face-to-face date. Besides, the virtual world too often tends to offer a distorted reality, when a person in real life is quite different from the one you got know in the internet. Finally, to add up to disadvantages of online sites for dating: almost any sentence written as the first message to a female user (almost always a male writes to a female, right?) is ignored by the latter. A simple “hi” is too banal and boring, „I have seen the world in your eyes I want to spend the rest of my life in“ is considered too nerdy, “hey girlie, I like you” is too bold etc. Whatever a guy writes turns out to be ignored by a girl. So, no internet for that.

Approaching a lone girl sitting on a bench in a park is a no-go nowadays – she will be either scared or interpret my actions as harassment. I am inclined to choose one of difficult ways: for example, to establish an eye contact with a heavenly beautiful, almost ethereal, thriving flower of a girl in the underground railway I use every day to go to my office. In my dull fantasies, it would all flow according to the following scenario: our eyes meet for a couple of seconds, thereupon she shyly averts her eyes, but I continue looking into her eyes without looking away. She looks in my eyes again. Bingo, this is a sign of female interest! She might even smile coyly after the second look in my eyes. Of course, approaching her directly and talking to her would be unsuitable – the carriage is noisy, she is going to be embarrassed due to overly curious looks of neighbouring passengers. Thus, in order not to embarrass her and not to be embarrassed, I take a piece of paper or my business card out of my bag, and start scribbling words like “Hi. I like you and want to get know you. Call me!” followed by my phone number, an amateur cartoon sketch of a smiling guy holding a flower with the title “it’s for you.” I plan to hand this piece of paper out to her on my way to the opening doors – with stealthy efficiency of a resolute chap. But alas, I am surrounded by homo smartphonus, i.e., almost everybody in a carriage I am riding in is compulsively absorbed by the screens of their smartphones. Attractive females I am in search for have their ears plugged with mp3 earphones, with their eyes shining in ecstatic bliss owing to scrolling through their mobile phones which churn out seemingly alluring information. It is virtually impossible nowadays to have an eye contact with a person!

Nevetheless, there were 3 rare occasions when I managed to implement my audacious scheme. As expected, I have not so far received a single phone-call from any of those 3 beauties. Quite expected – people are boringly conservative and are not used to such unconventional outbursts of in essence normal and predictable desires of a human being (in my case: of a desire to get acquainted with a girl and start a romantic relationship with her). People are scared and disoriented by unusualness of the whole scene. Well, yes, they probably have boyfriends or I might be overestimating myself, maybe they simply did not like my humble looks or would have preferred a confident verbal approach, as a victorious male would do, than a mere handing out a piece of paper. I have no idea and can guess, but somehow I have a despairing feeling than further such endeavours of mine will lead to equally fruitless results. Anyhow, I must continue my enterprise with relentless hope, at least up to 50 business cards having been distributed.

Having come out of the yawning bowels of the underground railway, I do my morning ritual of going straight to a coffee-shop beside my office building to buy a coffee-to-go. My avaricious boss does not want to invest in a coffee-making machine for his employees, and my salary is cut down to a significant extent by taxes and social deductions to buy a machine out of my own pocket. Next to the coffee-shop there is a newspaper-selling unit. I read the front page of one of the newspapers on the display counter, stating that the Russian minister of foreign affairs met with the US head of the Department of State in Switzerland, discussing a new disarmament plan in Syria. I cannot help but produce a weary sigh upon reading this title. For how long are they going to waste plane fuel to fly over to somewhere to meet and discuss the things organised by themselves? Let us consider one of these countries – the USA. Currently, and for the last 70 years, the USA have initiated a great number of wars and conflicts across the globe, and many ordinary people (not the official USA-puppet-doll organisations such as the UN) blame the USA for causing disaster in a certain country of the focus. But do those ordinary people really have to have negative feelings – hatred, contempt, accusations – against the USA? The US government, or, rather, people of the government, simply try to implement a new project called “a war”, in order to have fun and thereby saturate own lives with a thrilling challenge, in order to lead a fulfilling work-life. Who cares that war is a horrible event, that a grief of losing a close person killed at a war might be immense...How can the government of the USA or of another country not start a “war” project or some other devastating project if life is otherwise bloody boring without such a project? Look at all the alluring, delectable perspectives of starting a war: by commencement of a war, one gives a meaning to thousands, even millions, of people who truly believe they are fighting for a reason in order to make this world better; thousands of jobs at weaponry conglomerates thrive, their heads becoming multibillionaires. If you are the head of the USA or some other high-shot official, you then, on having destroyed the country now lying in rubble and its allegedly villainous regime, announce plans for re-construction and rehabilitation of the country, thus receiving the Nobel peace prize for your endeavours. At the end of your servicing period you step down from your official position, swimming in the rays of glory and fame to start a peaceful retired life on your luxurious apartment with your grandchildren. You played intensively, you played a great game of your life and now it is time to relax, periodically plunging into sweet reminiscences of your heroic actions. That is exactly the meaning of initiating a war or another global project, and it is worth doing so. To sum up: whenever you hear of unfair, groundless intervention of the USA, or of some other country, into another country, contemplate it as a natural, normal desire of a human being to have fun, to lead a thrilling life full of adrenaline-producing events.

I enter the lobby and afterwards my office, going through the daily beaten-up verbal ritual with a security guard and colleagues:

“Hello. How are you?”
“Thanks, I am fine, and you?”
“I am fine too, thanks”

The predictability and perfunctory nature of these sentences makes me so mentally tired that I would prefer to pay money in order not to go through these 3 sentences all the time. Why to ask, “how are you?” if one already perfectly knows what the answer is almost always going to be “fine”? True, it is an established way of greeting, but does not become boring, especially taking into account the fact that no one in reality is interested on how the asked person is going. Just a simple “Hi, hello, good-morning” etc would really suffice, seriously! Anyways, this is the way it is. I sit at my desk, switch on my computer and the first thing I open in my PC is the social networks, mainly facebook. I should have opened my corporate e-mail or a report I have been working on for the last 3 days, but I do not want to do so, because all those reports and work routine are not interesting, even dull, for me.

The first posing I see on top of the endless vertical band of posted information is a picture of the current Tibetan Dalai Lama with the words: “The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered, “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” Tons of „likes“ for this posting. But it irritates me profusely. This seemingly wise Dalai Lama declares such unrealistic wishes! Can’t he understand that a human being has to constantly worry about tomorrow, the major part of a day, week, month has to be spent in worries, and only occasionally, rarely should there be moments of tranquillity, inner harmony, or of sheer joy (birth of an own child, acceptance of a years-long-written manuscript for publication, the last working day before going for a vacation, etc.). These occasional days of joy – when a person feels truly happy and is not worried about tomorrow – are akin to sparsely growing bushes in a vast sand desert. Dalai Lama does not understand that all the objects and events in a human society are and behave similar to nature’s objects and events. For example, the Earth is full of cheap iron, whereas expensive platinum or gold which have indeed valuable and irreplaceable chemical properties (e.g., as catalysts in chemical industry) are a rarity; too passionate a love that sparks intensely like a thermite mixture extinguishes quickly and the couple separates; people who are unreasonably greedy and cheat others are of overwhelming abundance, whilst there are very few noble people who would follow and live according to virtues they preach, care without selfishness for welfare of fellows and not be spoiled by money and power. The analogies with nature are endless. Dalai Lama wished people enjoyed the present day, but is it utopic and simply a wish, which never comes true for the majority of people. I am not talking it is impossible to learn to enjoy the present, but the bulk of the human mass is not able to do so. Okey, perhaps in order to worry less and concentrate more on the present moment one has to meditate like Dalai Lama, but almost no one has time to mediate like him – people need to work and earn money.

The same can be said about the hated job i mentioned above. What was it – “find a job you love, and you do not have to work a single day”? For heaven’s sake! Did the author of these words think most of the people who loath or simply endure their jobs do it by their own choice? One has to work in order to pay for a rent, electricity and water bills. As if there is a range of jobs in front of you and you simply do not desire to quit your present one and commence a new one. What if one does not have necessary contacts (connections, they would call it) to take over another job? Normally a well-paid, interesting job is obtained with the help of connections, and not due to own merit and wonderful skills. I always laugh at people’s profiles on LinkedIn who go out of their skin describing how experienced, terrifically skilful and capable they are. A person with available connections does not need any such accounts in the Internet in order to be offered a door into a job to open.

In general, if I am talking about liking or disliking a job...can one really love an activity, which is undertaken in a manner contrary to the nature itself? An 8-hour repetitive activity! Nature foresees change of activity through which relaxation comes. An 8-hour work in front of a computer: an 8-hour cutting of onions. The very modern structure of a working-day does not per se assume moderately work with pleasure. Granted, the job brings pleasure as well, but, again, such cases are a rarity (see the unwise words of Dalai Lama above). The saying must be paraphrased as “Find a job you can more or less endure within a major part of your 8-hour working-day, and you are going to be less tired, less depressed and less burnt-out than the rest of people in your community, and even face more moments of occasional enthusiasm than others do.”

Anyways, by noon I manage to stand on a track of efficient work that I must fulfil. A colleague of mine sitting at a next table invites me to join a spontaneously organised party this afternoon. I accept the invitation, although with hesitation. Do you know what makes be reluctant to go to any party? My refusal to drink alcohol. Since several years, I stopped drinking any alcohol, not even a drop. And as soon as I say “no” to an offered alcohol, everyone around seems to feel obliged to persuade me to drink, at least a tiny little. “Please, just half of your glass,” they would say. I cannot understand their perseverance in making me drink, as if it were a matter of life or death for them.

I switch off my computer and leave the office. It takes me 10 minutes by foot to reach my usual subway station from which I take train home. I need to take shower and rest a bit before I go to the party. A couple is strolling with 2 children – one of them being a new-born. The man has tried to adjust a blanket on the baby, upon which his wife shot at him an irritated tirade of blaming words – “again you have forgotten to take the right blanket! You forgot to close the inner cup of the bottle too, as usual…I have to take care of everything myself”, causing the man to defend himself with an apologetic countenance. It was obvious that it was one of his multiple mistakes, thereby his woman was obviously dominating in her accusations. This situation sparked in my memory reminiscences of my own relationships with females, with their constant nagging and blaming for my faults in household routines: “you left your tooth-floss in the sink’ or ‘again you did not lift the lid of a toilet bowl”. At such moments, I start thinking that a man and a woman per se are not created for each other, but rather they were created to co-exist, to bear each other, via their common children – the manifestation of the evolutionary mechanism. In this regard, the romantic love so passionately described by awed poets is simply a trick of the biological evolution; I am sure 90% of the married couples would have since long divorced, had they not created offspring. Why, look at the facts. The majority of women in a relationship constantly nag their partners (boyfriends, husbands) or get offended due to some reason even their men are not aware of – a behaviour driving men insane. And, attention, those women do not practise such a behaviour towards their child(ren) – a clear sign of a man’s usefulness of only being a sperm-donor and money-provider. Men, on the other hand, become inattentive, insensitive towards their wives, and want to cheat them with another woman after several years of marriage (at least the majority of them). Actually I think the main criterion according to which a man should choose a woman should be he looks and her figure, so that a very strong desire to possess her in bed would overweigh her nagging character and help bear her. No, am I not talking about choosing a woman (or a man for the case of females) who is completely unsympathetic but has a gorgeous ass and tits, no. There should at least be some sympathy. But no search for deep love, romantic feelings, butterflies in the stomach! All this is not necessary. At least I am going to choose a woman mainly according to looks.

All right, enough of thinking and analysing for today – I am going to enjoy the party.