Is there someone at work that you just can’t seem to get along with? You just see things differently and you’re constantly butting heads on just about every issue, always getting annoyed with one another.
Here’s a neat little trick you can try that might help.
Remember the day you sorted it out.
What?!
That's right, remember the day you finally sorted it out! Create the memory in your mind. It requires a little bit of imagination but bear with me.
Remember the day when you finally saw eye to eye, when you actually got each other’s point of view and understood how the other was feeling and thinking.
Take a little bit of time to think about it. What did it look like? What did it sound like? Where did it take place? Who else was there? What did you agree about on that day? How did you feel after this exchange?
Put as much detail into this as possible. See it as clearly as you possibly can in your mind. See and hear as much of the detail as you possibly can. The more detailed and vivid you make this visualisation, the more powerful it will be.
What you’re doing here is creating a memory. Not a real one, but one designed to help you deal with this person.
Now once you’ve created this visualisation, write it all down, and attempt to add to the details as you write. Were you in the canteen? Were you drinking coffee? Tea? Maybe you were at your desk. What items did you see on your desk? What clothes were you both wearing? What day of the week was it? Build the detail in as much minute depth as you can to make it as real as possible to your mind.
You see, your brain can’t tell the difference between something you imagine vividly and some real-world experience.
Don’t believe me? Try imagining slicing a lemon in half, seeing the lemon juice dripping out. Now lift one of the halves of the lemon and give it a good squeeze. See how the juice drips out. Now lift it to your mouth and bite into it, feeling that lemon juice flood your mouth.
Is your mouth watering? See what I mean?
Okay, so once you’ve built this visualisation, this memory, to a very high level of detail, focus now on the feelings that you have once you come to the agreement with this person. How does it feel? Allow yourself to feel those feelings as powerfully as you can. How great does it feel to finally see where this person is coming from, to finally be getting along with them? Smile as you feel that great feeling.
Run through this visualisation, including the feelings, every morning and evening for a minimum of three weeks.
So why are we doing this, and what will it achieve?
What you’re effectively doing when you’re visualising, feeling and writing out this “memory” is you’re changing your state and your reactions where this person is concerned.
Under normal circumstances, you might be heading into work, thinking about this person, how annoying they are, how you’re always arguing with them, how much you dislike them, wondering what you’ll be arguing about today, etc.
Think about what state that puts you in before you’ve even got to work, before you’ve even seen this person. You’re already spoiling for a fight in your imagination! You’re expecting it! This colours how you interact with this person. Your defenses are up. You probably have a guarded, perhaps distasteful look on your face when you first see them. Think about how that makes them react to you.
Remember, your communication with other people is much more than the words you say. Much more is communicated in body language, facial expressions, tonality, etc. Your unspoken thoughts are expressing themselves all the time, and other people pick up on that.
Have you ever been able to tell when someone is in a bad mood before they even speak? It’s a vibe that you get just by looking at them, being in the same room as them.
So by creating this memory of a positive encounter with this person, you’re allowing yourself to think and feel differently, more positively about them. And chances are that you won’t be annoyed with them before you even get into work if you’re thinking positive thoughts about them and your interactions with them rather than negative ones.
In addition to that, because you are choosing to perceive this as a memory, your brain has a tendency to consider that it’s already been accomplished. This way, you’re not subconsciously striving to achieve something, wondering how to make it work, or if it’ll work. It’s a memory. It’s a done deal!
Substitute this visualisation, this memory, and the feelings that go along with it for all the negative thoughts you have regarding this person, and over a period of time, this changes how you see and feel about them.
It won’t happen immediately, but after a while, this person will begin to see the subtle differences in you, and they will very likely react accordingly.
This is just an example of one area where you can use this process. You can try it in different areas of your life as well. Give it a shot and see how it goes for you!