Hello children gather around the campfire ~
It all started last year in February of 2020 right when the pandemic was really starting to batter the U.S.
I was playing some 5/5/15 PLO at my buddies game, when my friend who we all just call “milk man” began to open his stupid mouth about how “this and that” is going to send the price of sweet cream butter skyrocketing because of some bullshit about how grocery stores will be understocked and Martha will need a fuck ton of sweet cream butter to feed the family while everyone’s stuck at home. We all call him milk man because he’s literally a cow milker, has a big farm, and always wears this hat with a cow on it.
I use derogatory language when regarding milk man now, but then, his stack was tall and mine was short. I was tilted and also drunk when something in me clicked and said “this is it. butter futures is the yolo that will make me rich.” I was working a great job in finance at the time and had some capital to work with.
I listened to milk man go on and on about butter for the rest of the night. The next morning, Monday. I yolo’d into CME cash-settled butter futures expiring March 15th, 2020. Naive me at the time thought COVID would be over with within a couple of months.
Then it all went to fucking shit.
So supposedly I didn’t yolo into sweet cream butter futures but I just flat out yolod into butter futures. I honestly didn’t even know what the fuck I was doing but I just figured all butter was going up crazy so it didn’t matter. Well I was dead wrong.
These fucking worthless dairy farmers couldn’t keep up with the demand so they began to either put palm oil into the butter or the fed the cows too much palm oil to the point that it got into the butter. I’m still not sure what they did, but it doesn’t matter. Half of god damn Canada was complaining that their butter is rock solid at room temperature. How the fuck do you expect them to spread it on toast? It was a disaster. Butter tanked. I was ruined.
Fast forward a year later and looking back it’s all not so bad. I have a really steady job now and the pay is pretty good. The only downside is every time I’m milking cows on milk mans farm he says the same dumb joke every time.
“Make sure that’s sweet cream milk and not regular milk!”
Fucking dick. Sweet cream futures thrived. Up nearly 20% since February 2020.