Self awareness- new life day one

2017 had been somewhat strange for me I was officially down to $0.00 . My car broke down. My eldest son went on a pre-adult rampage about how I was the world‘s worst parent. I lost my mother-in-law and my favorite aunt. I gained 50 pounds. I was pretty much left emotionally, physically and financially bankrupt. It seemed as though the life I had planned for, had failed me. On top of that, the one thing that I thought of as a way out, bitcoin, had become steadily out of reach. I could not write, I could not create art and I felt like a complete failure. I could not shake the feeling of inadequacy no matter how many affirmations I wrote, read, remembered or recited. No one would hire me and I felt completely alone in a house full of people.
I began watching various videos including ones about how you can use one dollar and turn it into an empire. What I found out was those videos we’re actually sales commercials to make one pay thousands of dollars that I just didn’t have. This depressed me even more. How was I ever going to get out of my rut when all people wanted to do was use my $2000 to build their empire. But I knew I had to make some changes
In the beginning of 2018 I began a crazy roller coaster. I began to work out, felt pumped for a few weeks and then I quit. I’d then pig out to comfort myself and then I go run back to the gym for two few more weeks and then quit once again. Why was this so hard? why could not commit even to my health when I used to be an athlete?
Then I figured out something else. I found very little pleasure in the things I used to do. it was as if the universe push the reset button on my life and held it down with its gigantic thumb. What was I going to do?
I realized that I had to face my biggest nemesis – me. I know that sounds cliché but with every door closed I couldn’t see any more opportunities I knew I had great potential at one time in my life but by March 2018 I was completely depleted.
I searched the Internet for anything positive and uplifting. I found a book by Napoleon Hill “Think and Grow Rich. I listen to it religiously until what he said made sense. I was failing myself. I needed a new outlook and a new attitude about me and my dreams. why was that so hard to get? Maybe because I lived in an environment where the ME was always sacrificed for the WE. I had finally realized that I had completely vanished in the problems and the lives of everyone around me. I had no idea of what my wants or dreams were anymore so how could I pursue making them happen. Things definitely had to change.
But how?

To be continued...