Spanking is Child Abuse; Stop Justifying It
I grew up in a regular household. Both of my parents worked, but they cared about me, and they loved me a lot. They still do, despite my numerous mistakes, my mix up with drugs when I was a stupid teenager, and my sometimes incomprehensible life choices. What's more, I see the wisdom in many of the life lessons they tried (in vain) to teach me when I was younger. It seems the older I get, the more right they were.
One thing that they were wrong with, and they've taken responsibility for, was spanking me when I was a small child. They didn't do it all that often, and the last time I remember them trying was when I was five, but they did engage in the time-honored tradition of corporal punishment. I didn't think anything of it at the time, and I grew up thinking that's how things were. That's just a fact of life; you got your ass beat by your parents when you didn't listen.
Moving to the South only reinforced that idea in my mind. Down here in the Southeastern United States, it was common practice for people to go out to their backyards to pick the switch their mom or dad would smack their ass with. Half the time, if they picked something specifically because it would hurt less, they got it twice as bad for trying to cop out of it. I do not mean this to be disparaging toward black people, but the black people I've come to know during my time down here had it especially bad. The notion that you had to dodge a shoe or slipper when you were growing up was something I've heard time and time again from my black friends, almost in equal proportion to the switch story from my white friends.
However, the fact that a lot of parents engage in this activity doesn't make it right. The fact that children grow up accepting this is as moral behavior does not make it moral. The fact that it's striking a kid on the behind or the back of the thighs and not punching your kid to within an inch of their life doesn't make it right. Wrong is wrong, and just because it's a lesser degree of wrong doesn't change the fact that it remains wrong.
Kids Either Don't Understand Why They're Wrong, or They Do
Small kids are some of the most frustrating human beings on the planet. I know; my two-and-a-half year old daughter drives me up the wall plenty. I have to constantly remind her about things she's doing wrong, and sometimes it takes a couple of repetitions before she decides she wants to listen to me. It drives my wife nuts, too. Still, we don't spank her.
Why? Kids will either understand and be able to process abstract ideas like right and wrong, or they won't. If they can understand what right and wrong means and you can reason with them, then using coercive violence (and yeah, spanking is violence) is no different than a guy beating his wife because she doesn't listen to him or show him any respect. It's immoral and unnecessary, and if the parent doing it also tries to teach the Golden Rule it is the worst kind of hypocrisy. If a kid is too young to understand what you're telling them and why they should listen, then the act of spanking them isn't going to teach them anything. It's not constructive. The only thing it does is teach them that the same people who they depend on for everything are also going to hurt them if they say a certain thing that they don't understand or can't comprehend.
It's vile. Plain and simple. There's no such thing as respectful spanking; spanking is the epitome of the mantra that might makes right. No, you didn't get spanked and then turned out just fine; if you're justifying spanking kids, you didn't turn out just fine. You normalized behavior that, in any other context, would be considered abuse. If you replace kid with some other type of person and it can be construed as abuse, it's not moral behavior. I forgave my parents for spanking me. That doesn't mean I condone it; I don't condone violent coercion.
Remember, kids: violent authoritarianism starts at home. Spanking is violent coercion.
Andrei Chira is a vaper, voluntaryist, and all-around cool dude. Formerly a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne Division, he now spends his time between working at VapEscape in Montgomery County, Alabama, contributing to Seeds of Liberty on Facebook and Steemit, and expanding his understanding of...well, everything, with an eye on obtaining a law degree in the future.
My brother used to hit me, and before I had the chance to hit back, he would cry . Not slightly, but with an intense scream.
It turned me into a conflict shy child, and I ended up getting bullied a lot, because I always thought that people would use violence against me, if I talked back at them.
So I can deffinitely appreciate this post.
That is the absolute worst case scenario.
All the while you haven't initiated violence ever, further skewing how you understand how to defend yourself and stand up for yourself. It's cancerous.
I was bullied up until I was 25 or 26 or something.
Before I had children, I would look at other parents who were giving their children soda and a pacifier and think, "Those are horrible parents. Don't they know what harm soda is and all the things that are wrong with pacifiers!" Then I had children. We have four. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. When children are very young, you cannot reason with them. You cannot get through to them with logic.
I hope you continue on Steemit and share your experiences with your children. You do have children, right?
I love the concepts being presented by this an other posts to raise our children and never discipline them but what I am not seeing are examples of how to do that. Not once they are old enough to reason, between 4 and 6, but before that.
I am a strong opponent to child abuse. I grew up in a very unstable home. That was something I did not want and did not do in my own family but each of my children did receive a few spankings when they were very young. Once they were old enough to reason with, we discussed matters and consequences came into play.
I have a post on my oldest son, he is 21 now and I talk about homeschooling and letting children play a large role in their life. It is their life after all.
https://steemit.com/life/@craigwilliamz/how-to-raise-fantastic-children-part-1
Take things away. Speak to them in a calm, but firm tone. I had the severe misfortune of not realizing how awful spanking was and spanked my daughter twice when she was one because she kept taking things off the table and dropping them on the ground. Rather than adjust my living conditions to account for a small human who has no capacity to reason, I took the lazy route of instilling fear into her and dressing it up as consequentialism and discipline. I asked God for forgiveness, and when she's old enough I'm going to ask her for the same.
You're the adult. You're the one who should be capable of identifying issues and coming up with solutions. If you can't come up with a method to adjust the behavior or account for likely outcomes with your toddlers without resorting to violence, then I suggest taking a good, long look at yourself first. If not being able to keep an infant who's barely able to walk from ruining everything you own, maybe you need to consider a serious overhaul of both your lifestyle and your perspective. You have small children now. Deal with it.
If you can't reason with them, then the only thing spanking teaches is to associate you with pain in their minds. That's it. I dunno bout you, but that doesn't sound like healthy relationship building.
I am very happy to see the generation coming up is adopting this philosophy. I believe the results are going to be very fruitful. And I will have plenty of support once the grandchildren come along.
When our children were young, we were the outcasts for homeschooling. It is now being taken to the next level. There really is a big awakening happening and in all areas of life. With all the crazy out there, this is still a wonderful time to be alive!
I know! I am extremely excited to see what the future holds. Peaceful parenting isn't viewed with nearly the same derision as even I held it in. Despite the vociferous disapproval of the violent authoritarians who simply won't change, parents left and right (at least in my experience) have been reconsidering what it means to discipline kids without using force. Part of it I think stems from the idea that parents are supposed to be in control, and no spanking advocate I've ever spoken to will advocate spanking from a position of uncontrollable anger. The other part is people are genuinely starting to realize that kids without the ability to reason also lack the ability to understand why they're being spanked.
What a time to be alive, like you said! :D
Yes. Humanity has come this far. I think we are capable of not having violence in general with a few exeptions of course. Self defence for example.
I think about how violence begets violence. I have a stick, you get a rock, I get a spear, you get a bow, i get a gun, you get a cannon, i drop a bomb, u nuke us all. The acceptance of violence to settle disputes will be the end of us.
I have also stopped spanking mine too. So far so good. I also allow them a lot more choice and accountability for those choices.
I remember the only time my dad ever spanked me, was when I lied to him. He only did it 3 times in my life, but as a kid I didnt lie to him ever again. Well until I grew older...
So, in short, you got the message? I too only ever got one spanking from my father, it was for yelling at my mother and I did not do that again for a very long time. It might not be the best thing (and quite frankly it doesn't feel good for the parent doing it either), but it does work.
So does holding a gun to someone's head to take their money. That doesn't make it right in any way, shape, or form. For that matter, why wouldn't you also advocate what's considered spousal abuse if it's done under the auspices of correcting behavior?