1st chapter of Stolen Wallets And Where to Buy Them

Hello Funditioners,

Remember how I'm helping fund this Fundition/Steemit project?

I'm helping fund it by selling the book of the film: Stolen Wallets and Where to Buy Them.

https://www.amazon.com/Stolen-Wallets-Where-Buy-Them-ebook/dp/B07QKP1FPS

Well, I figure I should drum up support for people who want to buy it. Raise awareness.

My first idea is to release a bit of the book at a time. Get people interested.

I'll do that by releasing the first chapter. Now this book is not made of traditional chapters. Instead it's made of "logbook entries"

Here's the first one:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logbook. Entry 1.

T minus 2 days to launch.

On the black market…

My liver is worth: 55.78 bitcoins.

One of my kidneys: 16.41 bitcoins (if sold in China) and 4.11 bitcoins (if sold in India).

My skeleton: 0.99 Bitcoins -- spooky cheap.

My dick? Hm. I can’t seem to find a reliable source for black market cocks.

That’s not good.

Listen, say I get kidnapped -- which is entirely possible where I’m going. Then, after a few days of torture, the kidnappers say: “Deeply sorry about this, young man, but since no one came through with your ransom we’ll need to go ahead and harvest one of your major organs -- have a preference?”

If the black market ran rife with naughty bits -- and my drinking habits still required a functioning liver -- I’d go ahead and have them lop off my cock.

*sigh*

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my brain at 2 o’clock in the morning. I can’t stop thinking. I can’t stop worrying. In a few very short days I fly away. Away from my family, my friends, the friendly neighborhood dog I pet on my way to work. In short -- away from everything I know. Away from home.

And for what?

To travel around the world  … on 1 bitcoin.

1. Beijing -- Bitcoin is banned. And I’m going during militar prep for the 19th Congress of the Communist Party. Real solid timing on my part there.

2. Shanghai -- China’s largest underground smuggling hub for opium, molly, cocaine, and black-tar heroin. Also -- I could be fined and jailed for jaywalking.  

3. Hong Kong -- I can buy a fake Rolex for $10, or a real one that ‘fell off the back of the truck’ for $1500. Do they accept Bitcoin?

4. Burma (Myanmar)-- This is where shit hits the fan. There’s a genocide boiling in NorthWest Burma. The Army is herding minorities and burning their villages. I’ve heard BTC helps them escape.

5. Cambodia -- Tourists are given the option to rent rocket launchers ... and blow up cows. Jesus Christ. Unreal. Are cryptocurrencies involved?

6. Bangkok -- The sex trafficking capital of S.E. Asia. Massage parlors, ping-pong shows, and “happy endings.” Will this country be my happy ending? (Note to editor: delete that joke. I can do better).

7. The Philippine’s -- “President Rodrigo Duterte urges citizens to shoot drug addicts in the streets.” He promised that so many druggie bodies will be dumped in Manila Bay that fish there would grow fat from feeding on them. Does the same go for BTC?

8. India -- Transplant tourism. The Red Market. Hearts, lungs, livers handed off for a digital wallet full of crypto -- none of which goes to the victims. Perhaps if I get desperate I’ll sell a kidney.

9. Africa -- Not sure which country I’ll wind up in. Not sure if I’ll even make it. One bitcoin is not exactly a hefty sum. By this point I’ll be running out -- and that’s if the value of my single bitcoin hasn’t buried it’s two front teeth in the dirt.

10. Europe -- who am I kidding? The odds of me arriving in Europe with my wallet in one hand and my dick in the other are as tiny as both those things.

The goal: 365 days. 12 months. 1 year… on 1 bitcoin. To survive I’ll need to couchsurf, eat cheap street food, and rely on the kindness of strangers -- cryptocurrency strangers.

If I accidentally trade my bitcoin for counterfeit money -- I’ll go to foreign prison. If I get food poisoning -- I’ll end up in a 3rd world hospital.  If a couchsurfing host bails on me -- I’ll be sleeping under a bridge. If I trade my bitcoin in a non-public place -- I’ll get mugged. But if I trade in a public place I could be mistaken for a drug dealer -- and shot. In fact, I’ll need to make a supremely concentrated effort to not get jailed, mugged, stranded, or shot. Jesus, no wonder I can’t sleep. Why am I doing this?