Love without lust, a Man's Greatest Challenge and Triumph

I had a conversation with a dear friend recently about this topic and she helped me come to terms with the issues I've been struggling with.  I realized that one of the biggest lessons for me in this life time was to learn how to love women without succumbing to lust, covet, temptation or desire. 

Covet -  "to desire or wish for inordinately or without regard for the rights of others" - Online Etymology Dictionary

The Temptation of Christ by the Devil  -  Félix Joseph Barrias (1822 - 1907) (public domain)

I've known for a long time that when I covet a woman I am doing great harm to her, even if I don't physically act out with my thoughts, words or actions.  I even wrote about this in my book 'Graduating Life with Honours'.  My mere thoughts are enough to cause harm on a spiritual level and my dedication to peace demands that I work on that aspect of my being and implement a code of conduct to help me heal that part of my body, mind, feelings and spirit.  The challenge was to train my body and mind to follow that code of conduct!

 That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.  - Matthew 5:28

Some guys may object to me saying this, but I include my wife in the list of women that I'm learning how to love without lusting over her.  I do not own her, despite what many religions say about marriage.  We are in a partnership and her body is hers to govern, not mine.  Her vessel came from Mother Earth and is the land.  As such, her spirit governs that little spot of land and it is her kingdom from which she governs her life.  She is a spiritual being, divine and sacred, making her body a temple.  It is in everyone's best interest to treat that temple with respect and honour.  Anything less is to desecrate a sacred temple that belongs to somebody else and was a gift from Creator and Mother Earth.  We have no right to force our will on another, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual in nature.  

For the most part I think I've been able to come to terms with the animalistic feelings and desires that my physical vessel has, but at times they flair up, which frustrates my efforts for peace and freedom.  My wife and I have a code to ensure that I always have consent before we engage in any physical activities.  But what about other women?  What are the boundaries and how do I implement my code of conduct with them as well?  I made a commitment to my wife, so I agreed to be faithful to her.  So how do I love other women without breaking my vow to my wife?

When I grew up I was not taught how to respect women or even how to have a healthy relationship with them.  As a result of propaganda and other influences, I saw women as objects of desire.  I've seen a lot of porn magazines and videos, went to strip bars and fantasized about sexual relationships with women on a frequent basis.  Through my recovery process in 2001, I was able to recognize and acknowledge the harm that I was doing to myself and others through my actions and behaviour.  

I've worked hard to train my vessel and work on my mental discipline to ensure that I don't engage in violence against women.  I've come a long way but still have work yet to do.  I asked for help from Creator and did not consider how careful I needed to be when I asked!  I've wanted to resolve this issue within my life as I feel tortured and unsure how to resolve the conflict I feel within.  So what did Creator do for me?  He introduced me to beautiful women in every area of my life.  It does not matter if it is here, Facebook, neighbours or my tribe, I have a lot of relationships with women and they are all beautiful.  Okay, I get it.  Time to resolve this issue once and for all!

I'm forced to reconcile my relationship with women or suffer the agony and conflict within.

My friend told me that the physical tests us all, but the sexual desires are the most intense of them all.  Through my conversation with her I realized that as spiritual beings, it is our job to learn how to tame those powerful energies, which is a very tough job.  My friend suggested that sexual energy is just the chemical equivalent of Creator energy.  We are not here to suppress that energy but instead we are to master that energy and harness it.

How am I supposed to harness sexual / Creator energy without doing harm to others or driving myself crazy?  

This one question helped me realize that Creator energy is to be used by Spirit and not left to the vessel to govern.  When I left that energy unguided it took over control of my vessel.  The human animal took over and engaged in physical or mental activities that channeled that energy in unhealthy ways.  The physical vessel is only concerned with survival and propagation.  It does not care how that happens, but I do!  Spirit Cares!!!  The problem being that those activities were violent and harmful to other vessels and spiritual beings even though they met the basic physical desires of survival on this physical realm.   

But our mission here is Spiritual in nature, not physical.  We are being called to overcome our physical desires and distractions and find spiritual solutions to life on this planet.  The whole planet is overcome with physical issues and few are seeing the spiritual implications of those activities.  We are here to bring Heaven to Earth and we need to ensure that Spirit governs this planet and our behaviours, thoughts and feelings.  This is the root of our whole experience here on Mother Earth and is the reason why the powers that be focus so much on physical separation, distractions, temptations, gluttony and other modalities.  They desperately don't want Spirit running the show here.

So how do I heal the physical thoughts and feelings that I have towards the beautiful women in my life and by extension all life on this planet so that I can fully express the love I have for them all?

One of the first steps I took was to recognize that there is no shame in having sexual / Creator feelings.  Those are normal physical / chemical and spiritual reactions to things that I consider beautiful.  But my code of conduct will recognize that and acknowledge those feelings and work hard to ensure they don't turn into fantasy, lust or desire.  If I find my thoughts moving in that direction then I work hard to not feel guilty but instead work to discipline the physical mind.  This is where strong spiritual strength is required as I must learn to command my vessel and learn to integrate the physical desires in a healthy way rather than suppression them.

I'm familiar with the process as this is exactly what we had to do during my martial arts training as well.  By training the mind and body over and over and over, they are taught how to work together and trust one another - driven by the standards set by Spirit, not society.  Well, the Pacem Arts (The Art of Peace) is no different.  I've been training my mind and body over and over to ensure they are well disciplined and follow the rules setup by spirit!  When they fail, I work hard not to use guilt but instead to acknowledge the mistake and continue my training.  There is no shame in making a mistake or being tempted.  I won't lie.  I've tripped up plenty of times.  However, I trust in my training and work hard to not give into those temptations and continue my work.  This post is a key component in that training and is why I am writing it.

How to love a woman without lust

That is the biggest challenge, but when us men accomplish that goal, magic happens.  I know that I've been able to find that sweet spot with many relationships in my life and still have work to do in others.  I've work so hard on this one issue that I've had many women say to me in private and in public that they feel completely safe and comfortable around me.  Some of them feel so safe that they were able to completely surrender and fully envelope the divine feminine energy for the first time in their lives.  They can only do that when they feel safe and protected by a healthy, respectful, sacred divine masculine energy.  

The love that I have for women is different than the love I have for my wife or even myself.  Love is a deeply complex and diverse concept that I struggle to put into words.  When I love other women, the biggest and most important foundation of that love is respect, honour and sacredness.  I work very hard to have very firm boundaries.  Not because of them but because of me!  It does not matter if that woman is my wife, friends, family or Mother Earth herself.  I have zero right to force my will upon any of them.  Period.  No excuses.  No justifications.  

I have ZERO RIGHT TO FORCE MY WILL OR SPIRITUAL ENERGY UPON OTHERS!!!  PERIOD!!!

My code of conduct demands that I gain consent for everything I do, but I also have to set the boundary to ensure that I don't tempt others to violate their boundaries.  I also must ensure that I don't violate any sacred agreements that I've made with others, especially my wife.  

My dear friend @earthmother said to me this morning when I asked why she cried reading my last post:

 Because its true. High heart love. Not romantic bullshit love.  Rings from mother earth's gift to you.  Not rings from raping her, at her expense.  Respect.... honour... love. It's not common these days. - @earthmother

I made rings for Carey and I that were gifted to us by Mother Earth and did not require mining, raping or pillaging.  That is why the rings 'feel' so much better than the gold and diamonds we used when we got married.  That is the highest love that @earthmother was talking about and why our gesture moved her so deeply.  That is the type of love we all should be striving towards and especially with women!

So when it comes to other women, I've found a space within my heart to love them and I do that by expressing respect, honour and firm boundaries.  They are sacred beings in command of sacred temples.  I have no right to enter those temples or even fantasize about it either.  My own lust is my burden and I work hard to not act that energy out.  Instead I work hard on disciplining the mind and commanding that those temptations get behind me.  I AM in command of this vessel and it will learn to obey my leadership through repetitive actions over long periods of time.  

When I obtain that level of discipline I'm confident that I will have the maturity, training and experience to then be able to use Creator source energy in a healthy way.  We are being trained for a much higher purpose, far beyond the physical rewards we receive when we rape and pillage.  This is the hardest lesson I've faced through all my recovery process.  This is something that I'm still struggling to learn but fully embrace the lessons as the rewards far outweigh the struggle. 

I thank all the beautiful women in my life for giving me the opportunity to learn this lesson.  Thank you for teaching me just how sacred you all are and allowing me to learn how to have a relationship with you without violating you or others.  Thank you for being patient as I work through these issues and figure out just how to have a healthy relationship with you all. Despite my struggles I know that you are willing to walk this path because I've been so open and honest about my journey.  It is my vulnerability that brings comfort and a deeper love to our relationships.  For that I am grateful and I appreciate all your help.  More than you will ever know. 

I love you.  I love all women and I dedicate my life to ensuring that I do so in a healthy, spiritual and sacred way.