Thank you brother for giving a name to the darkness within - lack of focus, sleepless nights - dreading going out in the truck - irritability when dealing with these clowns - and the dark thoughts .. so dark.. and fear - not that i'm afraid, but because it takes great effort to not" loose control" with these bullies and if i loose control it's game over, they win.
It's been a long time since i was able to vent the darkness within by fighting - either in the ring or cage in an effort to release the pressure and clear my mind - Now the darkness is controlled by my comprehension of the cause - and avoidance. Bravo to you for for this blog - The darkness has a name - and i'm not alone. Love to you and Carey :)
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My friend, even though I just put a name to it, these issues have plagued mankind for generations. I'm actually astonished that nobody has talked about or identified the trauma, stress and anxiety imposed by authority before. Perhaps they did and I'm just ignorant of the research. If so, I would love somebody to point me in that direction. But when I compare the trauma of authority to any other abusive relationship or trauma from horrific events, the reaction is the same. This cannot be ignored.
I've only been able to recognize it due to my zealous work to heal from my own past. I am sad that you also feel the same way I feel, but grateful that you found some peace and comfort knowing that you are not alone and that you have been able to identify it to some degree. Over the years I have no doubt that you will explore it deeper and find a way to heal from it. It will be difficult as the violence and coercion continues, but I do have faith that as we stand in solidarity against violence and coercion that we can remedy this so that we can finish the healing and find peace within. My thoughts and prayers go out to you my friend. May Creator guide you along that journey towards healing.
You are NOT alone!
Me too. I have to use so much of my precious energy to keep from going full postal every day i barely have enough energy left over to provide for my survival needs. Oh the rage is so consuming!