it's very hard to have someone very special passed away, unbearable situation it is, i have came across this feeling when my grandfather leaved us. i was a 10 year child at that time but now when reminding that tragedy it draws me to a different condition of sorrow .
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I think it is unbearable if we have not found that place where we not only allow but welcome and embrace the process of mourning. It has been my experience that resisting the process is painful. So I surrender to it now and let it flow. My Grandfather has been dead for almost 40 years and I still mourn the loss and I feel it deeply. <3 My thoughts and prayers go out to you my friend. I pray you find a way so that it is no longer unbearable. Peace to you.