#ulog 4:Driving me insane

there is this guy. I've had a crush on him since I started working with him.i know big no no. every time I'm having a bad day he does something to cheer me up. today I had one of the shittiest days I've had in a long time. I assumed since no one was telling me what was going on another lady was taking my position. again my bad. I try to do my best in my job but have been making mistakes recently due to overworking. sighs...well it got around I was irritated and fearfully thinking I was being replaced. I was reassured I wasn't. but now my supervisor is moving to another shift and it worries me that I wont be choosen as back up for whomever gets the position. well this guy always cheers me up by making jokes when we are alone. he does something to get me to smile. always at the end of the day. And tonight he blew my mind with the way he smiled at me. but I worry. what will happen when said supervisor leaves. will I even get hired on perminatly? I stress because I love my job. but because of how I was acting most of my coworker avoid me and get silent when I come around. most of them lie about what I say and twist my words. And if it wasn't for this guy I would walk out tommorow. but something tells me to stay. he said something to me the other day that got me thinking. that he had Been all over the world and it changed his view point on how he views others. I'm thinking I need to understand how he thinks. because he's so well guarded that nothing really gets him irked. lately everything gets me irked. I just can't stand that every time it's going well for me. it comes crashing down. I'm keeping to myself from now on. because every time I get a friend at work it ends badly for me. people might be pissed about what I say but I'm just being honest. And maybe honesty isn't the best policy when it comes to the work place.