I haven't been reading much lately. So glad I decided to read this. I usually wait until I've answered a question before reading other answers too, so it was even extra inspiration to read this one.
I so identified with the retro light worker as I'm pretty sure I've been burned at the stake for being a mouthy woman more than once. Yet, I've also had a reiki master (the one who attuned me to I and II) tell me I needed to reign in my heart chakra so it wouldn't split open. There is a need for balance. I've resisted it because iv always associated that with mediocrity, preferring the roller coaster. At 43, I'm about ready for a little more mellow. We do, for sure, need the contrast in order to see where we want to go forward, but I'm definitely ready for that middle path a little more. I'm a total Star Wars geek, and I've even resisted the gray Jedi code, especially because I saw return of the Jedi in theaters. I now begin to see the wisdom, and I expect episode 9 will reflect this same evolution. It's like the great story of my life.
As a passionate mama, it hurts my heart to read all you went through, and I can't even begin to imagine watching Dexter on acid. Holy shit. Dexter freaked me out sober. I regularly had to close my eyes. I'm so glad you found your way to healing. I realize more and more how lucky I am to have had the relatively mellow childhood that I had. The long years of being awake in a dark world do begin to take a toll though.
Thanks for a super thoughtful post. May the light continue to spread and grow brighter.