Other side of long-time travelling that no one talks about

When I was already going to Resistencia in Argentina, I didn't even know why I was going there anymore. I mean, my plan was to get there and spend there 1 night before going to Salta, but the thing is, I was just feeling like something was pushing me to do that, but I didn't know why, because I was so unsure about where I wanted to go next.

I was thinking about my last 2.5 month and how much I have changed during that time. On the one hand I always think that some of our aspects never change. I was always thinking about travelling as a way to live, to make your dreams true, to get through some problems. But actually I feel same lost as I felt 2 months ago, 6 months ago, 2 years ago. I just kind of accepted that this stage of life can take a while and might not be just temporary.

I also started to miss my country, or maybd not even Poland, but my family, friends, my wonderful city Cracow. But it wasn't even that, because I knew that in places like Foz and Cabo Frio I felt happy because I already knew some people there and I got to have some daily routine in my life there.

A great solution for such a feeling is volunteering to stay somewhere for a while. But I didn't want to do that in Argentina or Chile. Maybe if I arrived there and liked it, I could decide once being there to find some job, but I also didn't feel like staying such a long time out of my comfort zone - Brazil.

Which is incredibly stupid because this is what we travel for, right ? To get out of our comfort zone.

I thought that I would make my decision in the morning, after getting some proper rest and sleep.

However, it never happened that night, as the room that I was sleeping in, had no window, just a hole in the wall without a glass(2 holes actually, one with broken glass) and was next to one of the main avenues in the city which meant noise all the time. So nope, I didn't rest at all, earplugs and headphones with music in my ears also didn't help.

And I think it was just like icing on the cake. Unexpectedly I spent the night in kind of Argentinean "favela". I really don't wanna complain because I should be grateful for everything when somebody offers me a bed for free, but just you know... That night it was too much. All I needed was to feel safe and comfortable enough to relax and cool my mind a bit but that moment made it all just worse.

I am not blaming anybody but I just realized that night that if as a traveller - backpacker, hitchhiker, who've already slept on hundreds gas stations and wasn't complaining, I couldn't stand those conditions (that all in all weren't soo bad), it meant that I shouldn't realize my plan right now. My mind was just too tired, it might seem as I'm a weak person, maybe I am, but I didn't really care and I still don't. I travel by myself on my own to make happy nobody but myself so if I felt that was what I needed, I just did it.

So it was when I decided that next day I would just buy ticket back to Foz do Iguaçu.

Next day I also went with my hosts to their friends' house, it was Thai house, we had vegan lunch all together. It was actually pretty traditional or something like that, like nobody apart from me and one person didn't have their shoes on during the meal. The food was healthy and tasty but I also realized one more thing - I don't wanna be vegan. Ever. Thanks God for all that tasty meat, eggs, milk and cheese (❤) that I can have every day.

After the meal they said we would to some ritual of their sect (yeah, I also got scared) but I dont know if sect means the same what it means for me because the only thing we were doing was eating fruits while reading some short Thai stories about life that everybody was commenting afterwards. It really looked like my literature classes in high school. Thanks God here they didn't obligate me to comment it, I always hated interpretation.

Also I had problem with withdrawing my money and I was pretty afraid I would be stuck there for longer as I had just 20 pesos in my pocket (around 1€). Finally, Santander ATM allowed me to get my cash.

So I bought the ticket to Puerto Iguazu, where I was supposed to cross the border with Brazil again. But this is even better story about how I extended (kind of accidentally) my visa etc haha!

Some of you might be wondering right now - if it isn't kind of failure what I did coming back?

Well, as a traveller for sure I kind of failed. Right now I was supposed to be already in Bolivia or anywhere else but I didn't expect to be back in the country where I've already spent 2.5 month only during this trip.

As a person? Nope, I didn't fail. It's my trip and I should be happy doing all of that. Everybody has different style of travelling, the same way as everybody has different life-style. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a bit more of time. You need to understand that each travel goes at its own pace, same as each life does the same. It might happen that we will be stuck in one stage of our travel and our life for a bit longer than we should and less time in another one. Sometimes also we have to take a step back so we can take a huge jump forward later (well, about this I am not so sure yet but I hope to discover soon if it's true or not).

I just know that this is why I went for this trip with just one way ticket - to be free about my decisions and what I do with my life. To catch all the moments, enjoy every day, be spontaneous. And this is what I'm doing and what I'm grateful for. Of course I am not even sure if this is the right thing to do... one day I'll find out.

Next post will be about my border-adventures and also where I am now and what I am doing here!