The 1% are Conspiring to Keep You at Home

In the past twenty years, I do not feel safer and the act of travel itself (in the USA) has become much more unpleasant. There is a reason for that and it's not security.

I remember traveling before September 11, 2001. It was fun. The airport was a fun place mostly because of the sense of anticipation and adventure that awaited you. Those days are long gone. In early 2001, I had gone on a whirlwind of journeys in North America and Asia. Security was light and the biggest hassle was waiting for your checked bags - so, myself and people like me started traveling light - no checked bag, just a carryon with the essentials in it. You could arrive at the airport thirty minutes before your flight and run to the gate - you could buy a ticket at the airport for a flight leaving in thirty minutes.

In October 2001, I traveled through SFO and saw my first machine-gun carrying airport soldiers. People were on edge - and with good reason - the attacks of 2001 were horrific. That being said - the Bush Administration took our fear and created one of the worst monstrocities in the history of the USA. The Department of Homeland Security. Enough said there. It's a terrible bureaucratic nightmare that has imposed strategies that don't work and stolen, not only the joy but also the property and money of the American people.

How many little pocket knives or bottles of sunscreen or bottles of water or wine have you had confiscated or had to dispose of since this idiocy started? How many times have you had to take off your shoes and belt or accidentally dropped something as you try to put your clothes back on? How many hours have you spent waiting in line to be patted down by someone who probably isn't really even qualified to scan your groceries, let alone look for bombs and terrorists? If you are like me the answer to all those questions is - a fuckload.

And guess what? Despite all that - their stupid system doesn't work. I've accidentally brought knives through on my carry-on, and bottles of water, and tubes of toothpaste larger than 4 oz, and just yesterday a whole backpack filled with fucking snacks that I didn't take out. And was it because these goons were being kind? No, it was because they are, for the most part, totally shitty at doing their jobs. The systems they run don't work, the people they hire can't implement the systems, and even if the systems worked and the people were efficient - getting past them for someone determined to do so is not only possible - it's incredibly fucking easy.

I watched ten people miss their flight yesterday morning. Last night I had to throw out three $.89 bottles of water and then was forced to buy 3 $4.50 bottles of the exact fucking same water once I was inside the airport. I had to get to the airport 2.5 hours early to make an in-state flight and I had to wait in line eight times in 16 hours - and I didn't even check a bag. I rode in planes less comfortable than buses and sat in waiting room seats less comfortable than greyhound station seats. I was forced to pay $10 for a $2 sandwich and $13.50 for $3 of water because I was trapped in a security cage with the other steerage class travelers.

I am a tour guide for the 1%. I work with these people all the time. Presidents of banks (even the World Bank and IMF), billionaire CEOs, and low to moderate high wealth people and I can tell you something for sure - these people don't deal with this shit. They are 'above' security. They are not considered security risks and so they are granted access and ease of entry at every level. Not only do they not have to wait in security lines or sit in uncomfortable seats (they go through VIP security lines and sit in plush private lounges where they are waited on and have every amenity provided to them) but these people generally don't even fly on the same piece of shit planes we fly on. They aren't the smug assholes boarding first or taking of their shoes in first class - those people are just like you but with a bit more importance to making the system run - the 1% aren't on the same plane. Frankly, it's not very fun for the first class flyers either - even if it is better than flying coach.

Here's the other thing I have learned - the 1% don't want you to travel unless you are doing something for them (then you can fly business or first class) so they have made travel inconvenient, expensive, and unpleasant. I had an important guest recently say this to me "Hawaii has been ruined by the ease of access - it's a shame we can't make it harder to reach" - on the surface, an innocent comment - but he wasn't talking about making it harder to reach for him or his family. He was talking about making it harder to reach for you. He wants you to choose a 'staycation' or go to an expensive resort near your hometown. He own's shares in those hotels and resorts. He makes money when you drive your car. He gets richer by the day from your insurance premiums.

It may sound a little bit silly - but if airport security isn't actually doing anything but making air travel more inconvenient - why does it exist? The simplest answer is often the truth. The 1% are conspiring to keep you at home. And if you still think the TSA is there to protect you then answer this...what is stopping someone from loading up suitcases with bombs, bringing guns in their carry-on, and walking into the airport and killing the hundreds of people waiting in line to have their water bottles and pocket knives stolen? There is no security.

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