Kling AI generated image
Over the past few years, I've had a strange sensation except it has only happened in several instances. I don't even know much about the actual moment itself, when it does happen.
It Goes Like This
I can distinctly remember two times when this happened. I was sleeping when all of a sudden, it felt like something took hold of me. I cannot describe at all in any more detail but it's like I instantly knew something or someone was there. Whatever it was, it felt malevolent but also purposeful, deliberate. It must be evil because I instantly get the urge to scream. It is as if a very intense fear came over me. No, not fear. Terror. As if you are about to lose your precious little life right then and there. Have you ever felt that? The first time it happened, for some reason I tried screaming and calling out to my oldest sister. We don't even live together. Even if we had, it would have been of no avail. I could open my mouth and even feel my body tense up but, try as I might, no sound would come out. And then it felt like I woke up a little later.
The Second Time
This one was more recent. It starts the same. A sudden and overwhelming malicious presence disturbs my slumber as it painfully does who knows what to me. This time, however, as I'm struggling and trying to scream, I clearly remember that it is already morning because my room is well lit up. I am really really trying to scream, calling out to my dear mother who is actually thousands of miles away. In my struggle to 'break free' and possibly also make some sort of noise I also fell out of bed. I 'woke up' some time 'later' on the bed.
A Few Things to Note
There seem to be no obvious indications that these are "just dreams" and yet there is nothing that definitively proves that they are not. To me, it almost feels like an illusory hybrid of both dream and reality. That being said, I don't really think it is sleep paralysis either. There are certain details that seem similar but ultimately I think the symptoms of the sleep paralysis phenomena are fundamentally different from this. I can still move, but there seems to be a kind of resistance. While I don't see a physical manifestation of anything at all, it is as if I can feel an overpowering presence and somehow I know for a fact that no matter what I try to do...it is hopeless.
There's also the question of why I even try to cry for help if I'm alone. Despite being alone, the specific people I would call were especially far away. It makes sense actually. I was not actually calling for help.
In that moment of desperate struggle, I know it is useless to resist but at the same time I'm panicking. It's like I'm dying, being killed. My soul is being siphoned and maybe in what I believe are my final moments, all I can do is focus on my mother with all that remains of my very being.
This happened to my sister when I was an adolescent, and she was a teenager, way back in the mid 80's or early 90's. She used to bruise very easily too, and would find the bruise marks on her legs or arms where she felt a force gripping hard and pulling her. Happened at least once or twice.
She never screamed, and I do not remember her saying she tried to scream.
She definitely felt the malevolence, like an invisible being you can sense but can't see.
I am no expert, but I think your mind was either fooled by a dream reality, or the sudden awakening to terror and pain gave you a relapse to a moment when you were younger. Calling out for someone who isn't there is a lot like reliving a memory when they would have been there. Sometimes our dream mind tries to live out a familiar memory differently in a totally new sequence of events. And in a nightmare, we can get caught in a forever loop that always ends in the same feared outcome that is inescapable.
Sleep paralysis happened a lot when I was a child, and did not realise it was abnormal. I still get it sometimes. Happens more likely when the room remains quiet, but the sunlight is slowly becoming less dim through the window in the morning. Circulation often feels like it is cut off to my entire face and limbs, along with my nerves unable to spark any movement to lift the weight of my limbs or head. Breathing through my nose is calm and shallow. Often I feel the only way to awaken from the mental daze is to attempt to breath deeper, or hold my breath, and rock my chest left and and right if able. I either pass out into sleep again, or outdoor sounds awaken me and begin to help me regain conscious control over my physical reality.
Something you can try: choose an anchor object to look for in your room when the next occurrence happens.
Examples: A digital clock by your bed or on the wall, to mark the time. A soft slipper or pillow on the floor you can feel if you fall off the bed again. A scented candle next to your pillow. A glass of water you can test if it vibrates, or drink to test if it feels wet or cold on your skin. Even a note taped by your bed to read can remind you what you want to remember when you awaken feeling confused from a dream. "I live on 149th street in Greenville with Sarah and John, and I do construction working for Mr. Gordon."
Why is this so scary?
It all happens so fast, seemingly in less than 5 seconds. There's no time to get any bearings, like trying to settle down inside a barrel tumbling down a mountain.
Thank you for your considerate response. I was really hoping someone out there knows of something similar. Your experience seemed very different from your sister's. Did she ever reveal any other insights? What do you think about it?
My experiences are clearly more dream oriented. I know what it feels like when my mind is half awake, but my body is still in asleep with my half dreaming mind. To me, there is nothing wrong with this. I know I require more sleep and waking time than most people, and early morning jobs are not for me. Sometimes I can remember my dreams vividly for the rest of the day. It was much easier to recall dreams when I was younger. The best dreams feel more real than this reality, even though they break all rules of logic and science.
My sister seemed to escape what she considered a life of despair and sin, She did a 180 and became a Christian focused on prayer. She believes in serendipity and miracles, and that things will work out for the better with faith. Perhaps her faith and righteousness protects her from harmful entities that used to attempt physical harm and terrors.
I do not see things the same as her, but that is another story.
i think i've had a similar feeling once, during a substance assisted meditation. i definitely felt scared, feeling like "the devil" was present. i turned my attention to awareness of my breath and to the area just to the right of chest center - the "spiritual heart" (hridaya). i shortly was able to come back to a peaceful centre & the "presence" of whatever it was left.
Thank you for this advice. Although some have suggested this might have been sleep paralysis ( I'm still not sure), I will try to use your tip in other situations. Like last night, when I heard something beneath my bed. It's times like that when I also feel a distinct presence and get goosebumps all over my body.
This might help
Begin your meditation with this technique to help still the mind. https://peakd.com/hive-121589/@atma.love/catching-the-uncaught-thought
It best to practice this (preferably 15 mins or more twice daily for at least 30 days) so the it becomes printed in the subconscious mind. Then, when uncomfortable feelings & fearful thoughts come, you will be more likely to remember then practice during the heat of the moment.
Ah, I see. Once it is engrained in my head I'll easily be able to reach this state at will! I struggle with consistency but these are some concrete numbers you're giving me, which I might actually be able to turn into reachable goals.
If you really want to ramp it up, and likely see some life-changing results, then i strongly suggest you do the ten week Presence Process Procedure (which includes a 2 x 15 minute daily #meditation, precisely instructed).
You can find it here, for free:
https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-presence-process-a-journey-into-present-moment-awareness-e185722867.html
I was thinking of sleep paralysis while reading but then you said it wasn't. Hope you get to sleep well again without these nightmares. I was scared to sleep for some days aftef i had my first sleep paralysis.
I think you're describing sleep paralysis? It's so weird isn't it?
I'm still not entirely sure. To be honest, and to undermine my own credibility, the experience felt more based on the dream world than in reality. Even when I supposedly fell off the bed and woke up on top again, there was no indication that I "actually" fell...
This sound so scary! Nothing like this has happened to me but, I know it is common enough to be have a few different names like sleep paralysis by the more science-y minded folks and is known as being ridden by a hag in the more esoteric circles. If I were you I would start doing some sort of protection practice. This would really depend on your belief systems but basically praying for protection before sleep and during these events - even if you are only praying in your mind and not out loud. I hope this scary phenomena clears up for you!
I truly believe there are entities attached to me or in some way are involved in my downfall
All the more reason to seek out some spiritual protection!
I have had this happen to me multiple times. I must be on the brink of that space between being awake and asleep and I will all of a sudden feel something touch me. It scares the crap out of me even though I know it is all in my head.
It's really hard to determine how much was dream and reality, because it sure didn't feel equally half and half...