Born as a pleaser

She didn’t understand why but she felt the need of pleasing everybody even though when she was playing with her sister. She didn’t know how to say ‘no’ but in some rare occasions she wanted to say so, instead of following her will, she finally said “yes, sure”.

Once, she was playing to go around in circles over herself when she felt dizzy and fell down. Even then, she apologised lowly to the floor for hitting it? To her relatives who were watching her? Or even to herself for falling on the floor? Fear of not getting accepted and approved by people? No idea, but she said, sorry!

Apparently, when she was born her grandmother said: “maybe she is not the prettiest baby in the world, however, everybody will love her due to her big heart”. Moving words, nevertheless, maybe those words caved in her mind so deeply.

As she was growing up, she felt awkward when someone asked her for help. She became distrustful because of the possibility of someone could take advantages over her “big heart”. And the rage appeared. The sweetest girl opened the way to the trouble maker one. She, for the first time in her life, she started to complaint, doubt, question everything, everybody, even the closest one. Sadly, she still felt the same, without peace in her mind and heart. She wanted to be generous without feeling abused.

She asked for help to her big sister and her mother, both were her pillars. With her sister, she practised in front of the mirror to say NO. At the beginning, it was funny, on the other hand, it was also difficult.

Time flew away. One day her mother told her the story of her birth. That was a tough time for her mother who in her early twenties and mother of an one-year daughter, had to face other bump, other birth and start the process all over again. Tough time. Besides, things got complicated in the labour and after that she got sick. The baby was healthy but lacked her mother for the first two weeks of her life. Perhaps, unconsciously, the baby thought she was unwelcome, rejected. As a result of that she developed herself as a hugger, kisser, and the easier baby girl in the world.

Taking this into account, she realised what was the issue. She knew what was the problem and why she behaved as a pleaser. Suddenly, she remembered all those feelings, the bad ones when she did what she didn’t want it. From that moment she decided to do every time what she really wanted whether it was what people wanted or not. As a matter of fact, she just needed to listen to her inner voice or her guts to know what to do. The feeling of freedom covered every inch of her body. She was guilt free.