Hahaha.. I dont know why but this has just shown up in my feed... 14 days late? But I loved it and have no sympathy for you! I once spent an hour close to a nervous breakdown chasing one of my goats round a 10 acre field. She had my arm extension in her mouth, and every few minutes she stopped and waited for me to almost catch up before tossing it enticingly down, and then picking it back up before running off again. Little survives goat games. And that included my precious.... I never tried to re-assemble the bits and recover any info, nor did I ever find the sim card. It almost destroys the soul, lol.
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Oh wow! That's terrible. Yeah, your story beats mine for sure. :)