Expectation & Reality

A sharing through experiences:

I used to dream big, during my childhood times.
I created the expectation during playtime. I played dolls and wore them with good clothes, make their house like how I want mine to be.

While with my friends playing home play, I always wanted to play as a rich one. Being rich, and buy everything expensive. I have a high ambition like I will get everything I want easily.

The reality was, it required hard work to make it come true. I never once thought about it. The only thought that came to my mind was, one day, I want myself to be able to buy what I want.

Judging from our family struggles with finances back then, my 5th years old self trying to figure out why my parents couldn't afford much. There were so many questions that popped out of my head. At the same time, I keep on asking why they couldn't afford to buy things for me.

Ridiculously, I cried feeling that my parents don't love me. There times I got jealous looking at my friend's new toys and wondering why my parents weren't like them. How a funny story of how I act, but at the same time, their sad story hidden.

As I grew becoming 10 years old little girl, I slowly understood my family's financial issue. By observing and listening, I learned to accept whatever around me and appreciated it. Instead of crying wishing for something, I keep determined to study well so that one day, I can get a job and earn money.

Thus, I became a little kid who eager to go to school. I love school so much, I will go to school as long as I don't get sick. Even If it means, I have to walk 6km to school when my parents can't afford the bus fee for us. There one day, I came to school without knowing it was holiday events for the school that day. It because I didn't go to school the previous day.

Day by days, I gave myself an excellent result every time examination in school. During my secondary school, I kept another promise to myself that want to get married by 23 of age. I will choose my partner wisely and not get heartbroken.

If I had a children's, I will give my all to provided what best for my family. I told myself, I won't let my children's feel what I feel or lack what I lacked. I will make sure my children got what they need.

Well, that my old 15 years old self. Not knowing, the real challenges not yet to come.
Little did I knew that life didn't give us all we want. Life won't treat well all the times. I get married at 28, and once get heartbroken. No matter how I planned, if that wasn't the way God planned for me, then it will never meant to be.

Now that I am married, mother of one, I got the one daughter and promising job. Looking back at what I expected back then, I laughed. Yes, I planned, that the good thing. However, seeing my younger self, thinking like everything seems just the way I imagined was funny. I learned with time, I got lemon sometimes, but I keep on going until I got to where I am now.

I just started my motherhood 1year and 1month, and i am looking forward to another challenges in future.
I still learning to be a good mother and a good wife.

Expectation and reality weren't the same. We shall never expect much so that we won't disappointed if it never goes as planned.
They're going to be up and down. All we need to do was learn and try to survive.
Wishing blessings ahead, and hoping we will have enough strength to face life.

Thank you for reading. Regards.