Calling #TeamAustralia, calling #TeamAustralia, want to earn some extra benefits?
It has come to our attention that members of #TeamAustralia have been receiving benefits from @Centerlink without the appropriate documentation. Therefore, as goverments do, we will be imposing a compulsory competition as a ‘tax’ to support @Centerlink benefits for all members of #TeamAustralia.
As members are well aware, @Centerlink has been supporting all #teamaustralia members by upvoting every post from the team over the past week. If you are a #TeamAustralia member, you have been receiving an automatic 5% upvote on your post from @Centerlink.
@Centerlink is an initiative of @ausbitbank with the support of @sirknight to further develop and strengthen the #TeamAustralia community and voting block.
Competition Rules
To be eligible for this competition you must:
- upvote and resteem this post
- follow @Centerlink
You do not have to be a member of #TeamAustralia to participate in this competition, however, some knowledge of Australiana would be of an advantage.
Week 1 Competition Scenario:
To receive ‘job seeker benefits’ (aka The Dole) in Australia you have to prove that you have been looking for work during the past fortnight that you have received said benefits.
In the comments section below, explain why you have not been able to look for work this week and should be receiving @Centerlink benefits.
The most creative or funny or enlightening or downright dodgy reason may be selected as the winner. Competition winners will be selected by #TeamAustralia government officials @ausbitbank and @sirknight and notified in the following weeks competition posting.
All SBD from this post will be split 50/50 between the competition winner and @Centerlink.
For more information, please call 13 8250 and wait on hold for 2 hours.
Nah it's youses fault aye, cos I had like 4 job interviews lined up but I couldn't get to em cos youse cancelled me last payment. After I bought me ciggies I didn't have any dough for petrol.
And there was one job round the corner from home but I was on me way there and me plugga got stuck on the hot bitumen and broke the strap and I was like "oh faaaaaaaaarkenhelll" and headed back home cos one thong isn't the best look when yer headed to an interview for a top law firm.
Youse shoulda told me I'd be penalised for not handin in me forms for three months.
It's typical, aye?
But tell ya what, if ya let me off this time I promise I'll have a job anyway next fortnight. I got this mate whose gonna start a tattoo parlour from the back of his panny van and his prolly gonna need someone to film it for his Bondi Ink audition, and if he gets that then I'll be sweet again.
Thanks luv, I know it's not your fault, yer just doin yer job.
followed you
Right back at ya :)
followed you too
Well then I'd better follow you too ;)
Haha @markfitzgerald . Great excuse. Good luck.
Thanks @scooter77 :) I had fun with that!
LMAO... this is the right way to write in AUSTRALIAN ENGLISH...omfg
Haha thanks @sosky :)
haha, nail on the head, well done
:) Thanks @jwmackay haha
I have been pulling my hair, looking everywhere. Furiously looking behind every corner and underneath every rock. Then it suddenly hit me! I have had no clue what I'm really looking for. How does a Job really look like?
followed you
Thanks for entering @danielsaori. Good luck
Couldn't apply to any of the jobs online as the NBN only goes to the house down the street. 😭😭😭
Welcome to Australia's second rate internet plan. Thanks for playing.
Upvoted, Resteemed, Followed.
Dear Centrelink,
I write to you as a job seeker who is currently working 37.75 hours full time per week as an employee of a publicly listed company. In a bid for profits, and increased share holder returns, my job has been made redundant, and I have been trapped in limbo, enraptured by anti-competitive agreements and the increasingly irrelevant desire to perform my nominal role due to my impending reliance upon your services.
As a middle class, struggling young man, I have not been able to seek any new employment due to the fact that the bus was late again, and the prohibitive cost of shaving paraphernalia precludes me of the 'well presented' moniker most job descriptions desire.
Instead, I have begged for job and for the mercy of passers by on South Australian street corners, cloaked in shadow due to the lack of any sufficient electricity being delivered to the residents of the state.
I implore you, that even though I have applied for no new roles this fortnight, I require my payments in order to ensure that the Commodore sitting in the driveway doesn't go back to cashies.
Love,
holoz0r.
@holoz0r Great excuse. Good luck and Thanks for playing.
Mate, you got no idea, last week was absolute chockers. Bazza's been buggin me all week to give him a lift to the bottle-o coz there's 10% off VB, that's a bloody bargain. So course I have to take him and when we get there the bloody drongo at the counter asks for me' ID. Do I look 17 to you mate? So I asked him if he wants to go and he's like "Yeah nah", and I'm like, "That's what I thought mate".
Nek minet i'm driving home and Bazza's as pissed as a Blues supporter at state of origin when I realise that me' ID was in me' pocket the whole time. You shoulda seen Bazza's face! So I chuck a U-E so we can pick up our tinnies and by the time we get back there some tradie's walking out with the last case and a shit-eating grin. Worst day of me' life mate.
What was the question youse asked again?
This one takes the cake for the houso ones.
Cheers mate!
meep
Hahahaha. You've been there haven't you @stripedgiraffe. There is no way you can be making that up. Great response. Good luck.
I may have been channeling some of the characters I've seen the few times I was there for youth allowance. Thanks!
Yeah so I been tryna look for a job n that but I'm addicted to this steemit stuff it's real bad ay so I want youze to put me on the disability pension n that
Addiction and Steemit go hand in hand. Good luck with that one!
Haha... great competition Scooter... upvoted and resteemed... my answer...
"Too busy to apply for a job because I am in the process of mobilising an Australia community intend on conquering the world!" #steemwars
Should I win... please be sure to have Centerlink pay Team Australia to aid in the War effort. SK.
Mobilisation of troops to conquer the world. Mwahahahaha. I'm behind you on that one.
Nah sorry brah couldn't get a job this week. The quack said I gots a bone in me leg. I need to get on disability payments.
What do you mean you don't believe me?? It's my RIGHT to get this payment!!
Yeah, I got this leg too! Good luck with that one!
Dear @Centerlink
I've been diligently looking for work since September 2016 - not just the last fortnight.
The Steem Jobs Agency that you dumb, lazy time-wasters, and tax-payer parasites assigned me to has not posted any jobs for me to apply for? How can I possibly get a job when there are no jobs on offer?
I followed your designated agency on Steemit as you instructed me to do and I've been refreshing my feed every waking hour at 15 minute intervals, Monday thru Friday. I take weekends off as there is zero chance of you pricks working overtime and I'd be suffering from RSI if I didn't.
Now that I think about it. I've been getting a terrible pain in my index finger and I'm going to be seeking damages from you and requesting that I be upgraded to permanent disability benefits.
My compensation claim will also include the time that I have wasted and the income that I have lost during this period. I could have been down at the beach working on my tan all summer but now I'm white as snow and frustrated as buggery.
I'm heading back to the pub to get pissed. You guys have driven me to drink so you can expect me to lodge another claim in the not too distant future.
And you guys calls this the lucky country? Where else in the world could I sit on my arse for 9 months and get paid a small fortune in Centerlink benefits and sue you at the same time?
I will sue you at your own expense because the Australian Gov't offers a free legal service called Legal Aid so that diligent, hard-working, caring Australians citizens like me can take some of the billions of dollars that you steal from us every year. I'll surely spend it on better things than you do.
Check out @SteemJobs for proof/evidence of my claims.
P.S. Thanks for sending me to Steemit though. I've read a lot of great articles, met new friends and I've made a nice bit of money on the side which you can't have.
P.P. S. Centerlink should be spelled Centrelink - you guys can't even spell - what hope does this country have?
Have you been down this path before? I'm convinced. Good luck.
I'm not looking for work because I have this hunch that cryptos are about to take of in a big way and i'm 100% invested. I need to survive for another 6 weeks (which is how long you'll be paying me without lots of appointments), so I can become a millionaire. If that fails then I'll really start looking, I promise. If it works out I'll send you a postcard from Phuket.
haha. Good luck with your dream! See you in Phuket
Since it's not mandatory that I'm from Australia, I can't resist taking part in this fun contest. I know about Australian Welfare Payments and Dole bludgers. :) Upvoted & Resteemed.
Here's my entry:
I wasn't able to land myself any work as the recruiting agency said: "all you need is a brain and a will to work."
I'm not qualified. I deserve to receive @Centerlink benefits.
A will to work? What's that? A will to Steem. Now you're talking. Good luck.
I couldn’t look for a job this week because the governments of Australia are just making it too damn hard…
Its really damn cold here in Queensland, and at least in part this is due to global warming (don’t get me started on why that makes it colder) but maybe it’s some of that American fake news!
Anyway, the point is I couldn’t go for job interviews, cause the Commonwealth Government didn’t sort out this damn climate change stuff at the UN, now the weather is all arse up, and it’s so bloody cold it would freeze the tits off a bull in Townsville!
Even if the Commonwealth got their shit together, (yeah right) I’d still need to get to a job interview…
It’s a good 5 km walk to the nearest public transport from my house, a Queensland Rail station, still I’d probably give it a go, even in this hideous weather.
But the last time I took a Queensland Rail train, let’s just say it didn’t go well… It was over an hour late arriving, which is impressive when my station is only the second stop.
I walked 5 kms on foot and arrived on time! The train travelled 30 kms with an engine, a driver and 2 support staff and was over an hour late (did they push it to help with the global warming effort?!)
Finally, on board I felt a sense of relief (idiot! What was I thinking this is Queensland Transport for god sake…) This, was soon replaced by reality when the train sailed right past my destination!
For this spectacular failure of service, Queensland Rail fares are ridiculously overpriced, considering once you do finally get to your destination, (any job interview you left for was probably over 2 hours ago, leaving a great impression…(yep they’ll believe you when you say the train was late!)) Not…
It’s all good though mate, I gotta back up plan… I can borrow Dad’s 2000 Ford, Fairlane with tinted windows and an air spoiler on the back, with the big V8 engine for job interviews. She’s a bit heavy on the gas, but at least you can get to an interview, in relative safety… ( Or can you?)
We live in a semi rural area and for the past 4 years the main road that leads in and out of our community has been very ‘rough’. It started to go to pieces during the 2011 cyclone and subsequent flooding, this chopped up the roads pretty good.
While we didn’t expect the road would be fixed immediately, community feeling was, in time when the life threatening issues had been dealt with, local government would deal with the serious water damage to this main feeder road. If for no other reason, than so that drivers and their passengers didn’t all end up 6 cms shorter each time they travelled into town from the vibration of bouncing over the holes and corrugations.
Now we’re all kind of laid back up here north of the boarder (ie Queensland) but after 3 or 4 years even we were getting a bit peeved… Nah! There were other cyclones, the regular seasonal floods in summer and a couple not in summer, (thanks Commonwealth Government, global warming again) until motor cycles really struggled not to topple over.
So after a lot of whinging and whining rather than repair the road in any meaningful way the Sunshine Coast council decided the best way to placate the natives was to whack up a bloody great sign that said ‘rough surface’! Like we hadn’t noticed…
So Dad’s Fairlane is getting on a bit and the shockers aren’t too good and I’m really not sure if they have another trip down that feeder road past the ‘rough surface’ sign in em’…
So I got kinda excited when I saw Sunshine Coast Council workers with a ‘Stop’ and ‘Go’ paddle recently, but it turns out they were just adding yet another ‘rough surface’ sign… (Really! As if we didn’t notice the first sign…)
So with local government stuffing up as spectacularly as State and Commonwealth, in supporting my efforts to get to job interviews, frankly I think they can all cut me some bloody slack!
I’m getting myself a hot chocolate, getting back under the blankets and getting on Steemit where the real action happens!
Wow great response. Thanks for taking the time to contribute. Good luck.
I deserve to be given dole money because I'm a dirty pommie who came here to drink you out of piss, take advantage of your lovely Sheila's whilst contributing nothing but a pile of empty Carlton cold bottles for the garbo's to haul away.
Just like Aussies in Britain. Reciprocity dudes. Pay up!
🤘😝🤘@tremendospercy
I was wondering when you would give us a dirty pommies excuse @tremendospercy. I dint realise they still made Cats piss 'aka Carlton cold'. Thanks for playing. Good luck.
👍🍺👍
Your not supposed to tell Centerlink all that!
can tell your british
I'm owed dude.
I paid taxes in Britain to give Aussies dole money. It's only fair. Plus our team is broke compared to yours so...........do the right thing, eh
Our taxes would go back to the Queen, if anything you owe us!!
I'll accept 🍺
Your Queen, remember? F*cking Germans 😂
"Cos I'm a single mother with a daughter!"
I think this ad from the 90s is 100% applicable here:
@choogirl that is a blast from the past. Where do you dig these up!
I don't know. Clearly I have too much time on my hands! 😂
perfect. haha
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by scooter77 from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you like what we're doing please upvote this comment so we can continue to build the community account that's supporting all members.
upvoted and resteemed - love yous all
Followed you
and upvote and resteem
Wonderful that there are competitions - thanks for the feed
Upvoted and resteemed.. the responses here are just too bloody funny! Good luck everyone!
I can't look for werk cause i'm too blotto from all the goon down at the park with trent from punchie. I tried to go to maccas for one of them fixxerupper breakkies but spent the last of my funds on petrol for the v8 to get me there. and meth.. lots of meth.
really its all @centerlinks fault for enabling me.
#blamecenterlink
@sammosk Meth? Methylated Spirits? Hahaha
Methamphetamine, or as the locals call it, ICE.
Not old school then!
meth is top shelf bruh.
Haha, the responses here are too funny. Team Australia is the best.
Keep up the good work
c,mon centerlink, i followed yous guys on steemit. Yous said i was sponsored n i entered yas
chook raffle. I thought that was enough for the week.
WADDAYA MEAN WHATS STEEMIT!
Thanks for the reply. Centrelink sponsors all Aussies!
I've got a bad back!👍
And I've got this leg! Thanks for reading.