Confessions of an Uber Driver

So as people may have started to figure out, I'll do most things to earn a buck. One of those things included driving for Uber. In Brisbane at that time it was still quite illegal and the Government was constantly trying to catch us silly buggers out.

Now I was fairly lucky with my experiences, no one spewed in my car, I didn't get caught and I didn't get any overly lippy drunk twats.

But I did have a few funny experiences.

The drunk teachers

So this story was kinda cool, I picked up these 3 fairly cute teachers from their home on the north side of Brisbane where they had obviously been drinking before hitting the clubs.

They were at that point where they thought they were being quiet, but were quite loud.
The talk started out quite boring, then it slowly started turning sexual. Blowjobs this, dildos that. Then the cutest of the 3 admited that she hadn't had a root in months.

So of course the 3 of the girls wanted to get some self assurance, so the question was put to me who I'd shag if I could.
Being the diplomat I am, I told them that all 3 were stunners and that I couldn't choose.

Then they got quiet, talking between themselves, and I knew what they were talking about. Then the offers started. It was hilarious and hard to concentrate. But I had a strict rule on not shagging the riders (plus I'm married).
They found one of my business cards and told me that they'd call me for a lift home once they were finished in the valley.
By then it was time to drop them off.

I never did hear from them again, I'm assuming the teacher got laid and I wasn't needed again.

The Passed out Pizza Girl

So I'd just started a new diet, and I was doing pretty good. Then I got a ping from Pizza girl to be picked up in West End.

Now west end is a bit of a pain in the ass to pick up from, there's really no where to stop and the GPS gets confused easily.
But eventually I found Pizza girl and her partner. The thing though is that they were HUGE. I'm talking Homer Simpson wearing a Moomoo huge. Basically as soon as they got in the car they passed out. I'm assuming walking from the restaurant to the car was too much for them.

They wanted to go to Mount Gravatt so thats a nice ride about $30. But about 10minutes in, all I could small was pizza. My minds going mental, I was starving but I couldn't see any bag. I'm thinking where the hell is that small coming from, did they bathe in garlic bread, is there a pizza slice stuck in a neck roll, WHAT THE HELL I'M STARVING!!!!

So I got to Mount Gravatt and dropped them off, no dramas there.
But the next day I get this odd call from a private number, It was Pizza chick saying they were standing outside my house as they had left their phone in the car. Needless to say I was a tad shocked, and I wasn't home so I couldn't give it to them. They had used Find my Phone to track me.
So the next night I had to mess around trying to get it back to them, I'm sure I lost a few fares because of it.

Confused Hornbag

Now this last story had me scratching my head as I still don't know where it was heading.

It was my first call of the night and I had to drive 20mins to get the fare. I got there and accepted the trip and I could see it was like a $100 trip so I was over the moon. And the bird that got in the car was hot, and I'm not talking kinda cute I'm talking Victorias Secret model hot. And the top she was wearing, if she sneezed everything would fall out.
But then her bushpig friend gets up to the car and starts asking her to stay and general chat. The timers running so I don't really care until I can see that she's going to stay and I'm going to loose this fare.

But then it gets weird and the bushpig friend starts asking if I'd get it on on a trip and all this stuff. But Super Mega Hot Chick is staring at me, boobs right at my face and of course my heads gone to mush. So I said yes, and they share a glance. In my head I'm scrambling thinking I've got myself in some shit here.

The bushpig is telling Super Mega Hot Chick that she really should go home, and I'm thinking "FARRRK I'm going to hell, I'm going smiling but definitely going to hell"

But thank Jeebus, Super Mega Hot Chick decided to stay at the party and I left. I lost $100, but basically kept my dignity.

So I hope you like some of my stories. I know a lot of people have much better as well as much worse stories, but I think I had a blast doing that work.

Be sure to follow along, as my next story should be an expose on some of the less well known Team Australia members, its promising to be a doozy.