A virtual consciousness exists in the Steem blockchain.
This virtual consciousness is not artificial intelligence. This consciousness exists in the form of a fully operational voting bot that belongs to @lauralemons who recently died. Using the word ‘consciousness’ might be a stretch, but it’s true that even though Laura is no longer alive, her bot is. Her bot was set up by her. It acts on behalf of her unique set of preferences and is an extension of her values.
Let me start at the beginning.
A young artist and writer named Laura Lemons killed herself at the beginning of September in 2017. She was an early adopter of the blockchain-based social media site, Steemit. She was also a tortured soul, having endured a childhood filled with abuse. I was Laura’s acquaintance but I didn’t know the full extent of her recent suffering. Along with many others, I will miss her presence. Here is one of Laura’s best works of art:
- art by @lauralemons
Laura wrote about this piece of art:
I feel like I fall in love with every person I draw. I feel as if I am looking deeply into their soul as I draw them.
It makes me sad knowing that her unique perspective and life is gone. She self-published two books on Amazon which you can see here: https://www.amazon.com/Laura-Lemons/e/B01GUKHV0A
Her Sad Girl Adult Coloring Book is particularly poignant, as we can see a lot of the things that led to her suicide in it.
As far as I know, she is the first person to have died in Steemit. I’ve been on the Steemit platform for about a year and a half, and I knew it was just a matter of time before someone died. I really didn’t expect it be Laura, though.
When I first heard news that she had killed herself, I immediately began to search for evidence that contradicted that, as I was still in denial. As the news of her death circulated around Steemit, a user noticed that she had just received an upvote from the @lauralemons account. She was very confused, and it was at that moment I checked the Steem blockchain and realized Laura’s bot was still operational despite her being gone.
Even though Laura is no longer alive, her bot* is still upvoting people’s posts, which means it’s adding a few cents to each person’s post payout. Her bot has been running non-stop for 15 days after her death…..a literal ghost in the Steem machine. I just checked the Steem blockchain and 36 minutes ago her bot upvoted Jerry Banfield’s latest post. You can see her bot’s activity by visiting her account on the Steem blockchain: https://steemd.com/@lauralemons
I’ve spent time reviewing the people on her upvote bot list, and when I spoke with another Steemian, we both admitted that we didn’t even know Laura used a bot for voting. It’s like we didn’t really know her very well which is a shame.
I met Laura last year and I helped protect her from a psychopathic stalker in the early days of Steemit. She was one of the main reasons we campaigned to get a mute button created. In the early days of Steemit, there was no mute button, no vote slider, no resteem functionality. Everything has been incrementally added, over time, as the community raises concerns and demands new essential features to be created. Remember, Steemit is a bootstrapped social media start-up and is still in beta.
A lot of people on Steemit don’t know Laura is dead because they continue to send her spam messages like this one sent yesterday:
Her bot is also earning a little bit of Steem, and at last check, she earned .40 Steem last week. I also noticed that her account is powering down, and the next Steem payment is set to happen in 5 days. Her account value is $1,400. It’s not clear who, if anyone, will be managing it going forward. If someone does manage it, will they disable her bot? Or will they respect her wishes, and keep it active?
When I found out Laura had killed herself on September 7, 2017 it was the first time I cried in years. My daughter, who is 7 years old has never seen me cry like I did when the news of Laura’s suicide reached me. The no-feel numb vest that I’d been wearing for years had suddenly become unravelled, as I kept picturing in my mind Laura hanging from her own homemade rope. That image would not leave my mind, no matter how hard I tried to erase it. It was on constant replay all night, as I found myself choking repeatedly, as I tried to go to sleep.
That night my little daughter consoled me and fed me many tissues. I think it was maybe the first time she had ever seen my real and true sad feelings. I have been hiding my ever-present sadness within myself ever since she was born. It’s true that I never got over the sting of a relationship betrayal. I’m not the bounce-back type of person, as I tend to take years of introspection in order to slowly build up trust in humans again.
Laura’s death kind of unleashed the stifled emotional tsunami that had been accumulating for almost a decade inside me.
Swirling around inside of me, too, I had flashbacks from many years ago when my father hung himself in our house. He survived his suicide attempt, though, because the belt he used had broken during mid-hang. He’s still alive today, by a miracle, and you would never know he experienced a massive depression in his past. He’s healthy and happy now.
I still can’t believe she’s gone. When I check the Steem blockchain, like I did just now, her fully operational ghost bot is still in there, carrying out her voting wishes, even though her physical self vanished over two weeks ago.
The question I have asked many times:
Did Laura intentionally set up her voting bot to continue on after her death or did it slip her mind, as she was caught up in the depressing and frantic operation to end her own life?
Is this the kind of “living forever” paradigm that we now find ourselves in? This next bit might sound strange to you, but because Laura’s bot is still actively supporting authors and busy working day and night, I feel like her being is still with us to a certain extent. Her bot continues to act on her voting preferences and it gives me a comforting feeling knowing it can still support people she liked, even though her physical self no longer exists.
While I was pondering the fact that Laura’s ghost is still in the Steem machine, continuing to vote for her preferred authors, I couldn’t help but think about my own looming death.
Should I set up a bot to upvote my daughter’s posts in the event that I die? In this way, I could continue to economically support and sustain her and others and also pass down my stake to her. But what if she finds it disturbing that my ghost bot is voting for her posts? Would she stop my bot if she could? Or would she leave it running, as a matter of respect for the wishes of her dead mother? Sometimes I think I am not ready to answer such morbid questions. As it is right now, I don’t have a bot running. I had my own upvote bot running last year, but I disabled it. I might start one up again though.
There are too many bizarrely futuristic questions that Laura’s suicide and her still active bot are bringing up for me. I have a feeling that Laura’s bot in the Steem blockchain is just the beginning of our inquiries into the future of humans inextricably entwined with automation.
As a parent, wouldn’t you set up a bot to economically support your children into the future when you no longer exist?
Here’s Laura’s Gofundme: https://www.gofundme.com/lovinglauralemons
Vocabulary:
*Upvote bot:
Users in the Steem blockchain are allowed to create their own bots to perform certain actions like voting, flagging and anti-abuse strategies. There are a number of voting bot services that have been created in order to make the process of creating a bot easier for non-programmers. Anyone is free to program a bot for any purpose, as their are currently no restrictions on their creation. However, the Steem community will collectively decide which bots are useful and which ones are not. The bots which are viewed as not useful will be flagged and driven out of the community organically. Some of the best and most useful bots have been programmed to detect plagiarism and spam. @cheetah and @sadkitten are among the most respected bots in Steemit. Bots continue to be controversial, and people have very passionate opinions about them.
Personal update: I am having my own mental health issues at the moment. My moods come in two flavors: unicorns or flames. Right now I'm in hell. I'm not searching for any sympathy or advice currently. Most of my problems are self-created or manufactured inside my mind. My hellish moods will change into unicorn farts soon enough. Don't worry. All projects and other things are hold until my mood improves.
I think that if Laura set her bot to continue voting then we should respect her wishes... she is a lovely young lady and resting in peace. Thanks for this good post Stellabelle , I wish you a blessed week.
Thank you for what you wrote at the very end of the post in the "personal update" combined with choosing this topic we benefit a ton from looking at! I am honored Laura included me in her upvote list which I just discovered on your post here that I found by the retweet from the @steemit Twitter account at https://twitter.com/steemit. I appreciate you thinking of me for the post here and having the courage to share about this especially in how the death impacted you! I just added you to my @steemvoter after reading this post!
That's the thing about suicide; it only has to be a good idea for a few minutes.
I remember years ago, I took a breakup pretty hard. It all went pear shaped while I was at work, armed.
I never contemplated using it, but I recall being struck by how terrifyingly quickly I could do so.
It would only need to be a 'good' idea for a few seconds.
Glad to hear your dad is still around.
@Holoz0r is running an art contest in Laura's memory.
The theme of the first round is 'Darkness' and there's some quality entries already lodged.
The reason I'm running the competition is to encourage more steemians to produce consistent, quality content, and to make sure that Laura's 'ghost' haunts this place for as long as possible. She was an incredible role model and example for steemians all over the world, and we are a lesser place without her.
My friend Johnny committed suicide in 2015, and I find that although he doesn't still have a bot or anything like that, I still feel that he is with me. I regularly text his number when I want to talk to him (sorry to whoever is actually getting those texts). His facebook still exists, and people regularly post on his wall in his memory. Blockchain creates a really interesting problem in the world when a person dies. If you don't have any of your online information backed up, where does that money go? Where does that account go? There's no way to delete it, it always goes on in perpetuity... but should it? Should there be a way to memorialize a steemit account? I think the upvotes from her bot would be comforting, myself- although I often felt haunted by Johnny in the year after his death, especially when he would pop up in my facebook memories or one of his favorite songs would play on the radio just as I turned it on. Hopefully Laura's bot creates more comfort than pain, eventually.
What a good write-up, both of you. It's interesting to have a virtual you an avatar. I think everybody is going to have a virtual me to protect ourselves against bullying maybe but also for our privacy. I hope we can truly heal people in the future, maybe it is possible even now. Times are harsh, let's grab and hold each other and go into the night together. Soon the sun will rise.
Peace.
Laura and I had talks about a few things and she asked my opinion on some of them and for assistance on others.
Personally when I saw her bot running immediately still after her leaving us, I was humbled and stunned --- but had seen it running for a long time on my posts. I thought that was nice of her, I still do.
One thing was the behaviour of people on here, and how it affected things and people and I feel the same as her, to this day, as to how some people are affected.
I could say a lot more but I just won't. For lots of reasons.
I think Laura gave a lot of herself, with what she had to give, just like many of us do who get maligned and tossed to the side many times, no matter what we are dealing with or how good our intentions are.
Some of what we discussed and the rest has been discussed a lot on this platform.
The behaviour of people at times, has really changed how I view people and motives and generosity and transparency and a lot of other things now.
I always felt I was going to meet Laura one day, and looked forward to that, despite both of our health issues, oddly --- neither of our faults. We consoled each other in that regard also.
I also knew she was a ticking time bomb that suffered greatly.
And I will miss her and our conversations ring ever so loudly in my ears and mind as she impacted many of us.
I have always tried to be kind to people but like I said, some of the behaviour of people towards one another is really quite cruel and cold and that is something else many of us share and have a burden to deal with, in the reality of this life we are here for.
Our days are numbered, clearly. It would be nice to show a little more kindness to one another.
Kindness is sometimes hard to come by, until a tragedy shakes us up. I'm glad that you and Laura connected.
Thanks.
I am still bothered by all of this. I wonder if her passing will lead to any substantive changes.
I think she would like that.
In the end everybody dies.
I can't say I'd like the idea of a random Bot wandering the cosmos, making decisions on my behalf, after I leave it.
When I go. I'd just like the people that knew me to remember me.
For good or bad. Hopefully for the good.
There is an old saying,
"You will live on, until the last person that remembers you passes away"
Just my opinion.
Personally i view bots in this respect as ‘legacies' to carry on good works, though at the early stage of the owners demise they may be seen as ‘the reincarnate of the dead'. But in the long run it will serve the owner's wish like a ‘will'. On the other hand bots may be nuisance at some point, and at this point i believe they need to be stopped it, if one could. Thanks for this piece ma
May her soul rest in perfect peace.
Laura's suicide is a shocking news. It's a huge loss not only to Steem community but the whole society. May her soul rest in peace.
Sudden unexpected incidents like these may shock anyone. Since you knew her personally, and the manner she chose to put an end to her life has triggered a lot of past painful incidents in your heart. I feel it's not just Laura who was responsible to take this extreme step but the whole of human society is responsible for directly or indirectly making her life miserable to such an extent.
Your ramblings here has raised an interesting scenario of whether this artificial machine borne consciousness of a human being should continue after his / her death or not. We certainly need to think upon various aspects related to it. A good issue for deliberation!
This is very intriguing, a part of you will live on the blockchain. I didn't know Laura, but her death is saddening, depression is a hard thing to deal with. However it's very cool how steemit supports her after death and people coming together to put some light in this dark subject. This kind of bonding of people coming together over a terrible event, empowers the faith in people and humanity. This community is strong and loving and it's nice to have a break from all the trolls and assholes out there.
I didn't know voting bots was seen as ok.
I would had thought any form of automation would be frowned upon. I learnt something today...
Thanks for this post, I learned a whole bunch of stuff - I was pretty confused each time Laura's bot upvoted my posts.
Best wishes and I hope you feel better soon. Thanks for your insights.
@stellabelle - I did not know Laura but after reading your account of her sad demise, I have a hollow feeling. Did not know I was capable of feeling this way.
I am amazed to think of the 'consciousness' left behind in the form of a bot. What a unique concept - never thought of the block-chain as a 'consciousness transference medium'!!
I hope you come to terms with the loss and your mood improves. I can feel the pain in your blog.
Regards,
@vm2904
My first interaction with Laura was through my post and photos about the meet up that you arranged in KC. She had commented how she would love to do something interactive in real life with her fellow steemians, but felt that her illness(es) prevented her from doing so. From there, we had discussions through each other's posts for just a few brief months, but her willingness to participate and contribute despite her problems, really spoke to me about her as an individual.
I can't begin to imagine how her death has affected you, but as always, you have expressed yourself beautifully through your words. I can empathize, as I have lost too many loved ones far too soon, before their time. I can't form an appropriate feeling on her ghost living on through her bots, as I have mixed feelings. But in the grand scheme of things, she has truly left her mark on the block chain and I would like to think that she would be proud of her imprint, and maybe even find the situation "funny" in the sense of her uncommon brand of humor ;)
Take care of yourself, Stella.
This is a masterpiece @stellabelle , thank you very much sharing this. I look forward to more of this.
A wise man once said "Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it."
I'm sorry for your loss. :(
It's interesting to think that in the future at some point there will probably be many "lost soul" bots roaming around the blockchain universe. It's reminding me of a story or movie (can't quite grasp the memory) where humans have largely disappeared, and the world is populated with bots of various levels of technological advancement, and they just keep plodding on doing their thing until perhaps they fail or their sun goes supernova. In fact, now that I think of it, it was a story about robots that are programmed by their human owners to carry them into the future in suspended animation until the day comes that they can be reanimated and cured of their debilitation/terminal illnesses. In a way lauralemons' bot is like these other bots and is carrying a part of her inside of it. I wonder if in the future, if and when machines become conscious, whether it will be possible to bring bots like hers up to a level of consciousness such that part of that consciousness is like a part of the original lauralemons..
Thanks for writing this, @stellabelle. I think a lot of us here on Steem struggle with depression, and I think that that is likely indicative of intelligence, compassion, empathy, and the desire for the world to be a better place (if I may brag about us so freely).
I appreciate you writing this, and the questions you raise are poignant and profound. Hope Laura is in a peaceful place now. These things are such mysteries. Wishing you the best and sending happy, unicorn fart-imbued thoughts of positivity and love your way.
~Graham
condolences to her, i love the memory of the art that u posted of hers as well as her quote that she falls in love with the soul of each that she draws , that was so deep and it feels like a next level of understanding that only she can and will understand, as well as for her bot, i think it was her wish to continue supporting those in a way that she could therefore she kept it still functioning, to let her memory live and support those she wished to, its like it will stay there for as much of time to let her memories live within the platform.
Rip to Laura, but seriously how do you know she's the only one?
This is still crazy to me... i got a 'i follow you u follow me' comment a few days after she passed and she (her bot) had flagged that comment and it thew me for a loop!! Then i found out about her bot and just thought it was insane that she would live on in the blockchain!!! I hope she had someone out there to keep redeeming her rewards to keep the people she loved blessed with her up votes from the other side!
Like I said before, I was surprised to see her account as one of those that upvoted me six days ago. I didn't know what to feel when I saw it. But I think it would somehow keep her memories alive since that's one of the last thing she did while here. If steemit could add a sort of Facebook's legacy feature, in which users can choose to appoint a friend or family member to take control of some aspects of the account after their death. These features were among the most requested by users who gave feedback on its memorial page policies.
She left a lasting impression on a lot of steemians. Sad that I didn't get to know her while here. I didn't know you have this close brush with suicide. I'm glad it all ended well. I think a time off is good at the moment to clear your head. We all have some of days when things don't work or come out right. Thanks a lot.
Oh @stellabelle
No one should have to go through a depression
This is just sad
it's just part of life. The opposite side of my exuberance shows itself....and then it will go away. This is just the reality of a life, one life.
Sometimes it just takes awhile for all the shock to set in. She will be missed by a lot of people, I myself never got a chance to meet her, or message her, or leave a comment, but because of her I have learned a lot about some people on steemit. Those that have true hearts, like yourself. It is okay to miss people. Those that we miss would want our lives to go on no matter the pain of our missing them. Maybe by leaving her bot running she was somehow trying to say, "I miss you all too".
I received her upvote too. And I called @ghulammujtaba right away. He didn't know about Laura's death by that time. It was still early hours after the incident. We sitting oceans away, were touched by the event. We talked about her over a cup of tea at work. I kept looking at her photo that day again and again. This post has revised the emotions of that day. I haven't seen such a deep and emotional post from you, ever. Human for a human!
Lets just let her Bot live forever and keep her alive on the platform. Lets just let her light spread, even if it is in form of her own self-created bot.
Love and good wishes for Laura.
This is so emotional. Please don't let me cry. I don't know what to say about her demise, I'm really speechless.
About setting the bot intentionally... It seems to me that in such statement as Laura was people really don't think about such things. But may be I'm wrong, this also may look like kind of a spiritual idea in modern world.
I knew found out about the disaster only yesterday, and most part of the night I was reading her blog. So much suffer, and such an unexpected end - exactly when things seemed to become at least a little bit better.
This is a deep article.. thanks for your sensitiveness @stellabelle and for having gifted us with a moment to stop and think about our life. Upvoted and followed you.
So sad! It's most painful when one gets to know about a friend's extent of depression after he/she is gone, and we wish we could have done more. I don't know what happens after life, but I hope she has found rest.
Am going to cry
This is like a reminder that someday we will be no more
What are we leaving behind?
Will our legacy still live on like @lauralemons bots and lovely art work or would there be no reason to remember us?
May her soul rest in perfect peace
Let us know if you need help finding the unicorn.
It's hard to put into words what I felt at numerous points reading through this. Goosebumps at some and almost tears at others. I did not know her but thankyou for sharing this legendary story. This unfortunately will not be the first. It's definitely impossible not to question the future after something like that especially involving family . I'm just thankful to be here and learn all of these things. Imagine if we didn't get the chance to be here ! Cray...Anyway, as tragically awful as her death was..The fact that this penetrated your numbness into feeling these emotions shows serious change... grateful for yah ham and cheese!!!let's get some uni-farts soon 😉
This deserves some attention. Upvoted and resteemed :]
Hard... Great from you to keep her memory
I read in one of her posts that she had to power down due to her medical expenses. No one was there to help her financially, this part was sad. She had to do everything alone. I wish people who are in need would get help before they reach to such decision. Amen
A sudden death especially a violent one always leaves a mark for those who stay behind. When my youngest brother was killed a few years ago I would -at random times during the day- find myself picturing how he was murdered for months after the event. Eventually those images stopped popping into my head.
Lately I have been pondering about my inevitable demise and one of my sons has instructions on what to do with my digital asset.
Sorry mate. Sorry about your little brother.
Mine just helped with my fan belt yesterday.
I'd be stuck without him.
He actually just posted an introduction which is pretty cool.
I'm so sorry for your loss, @stellabelle. @lauralemons' legacy will be cherished.
Okay I wasn't crying til you said you were crying. Jesus!!! I was wondering when you would write this post. I reacted & wrote straight away, that's when Laura upvoted me, it was on the post about her death that she had upvoted me, I was the person that was confused about it, not fully knowing about bots. It gave me a shock that's for sure, but it was also a nice feeling. I can see you have been brewing for some time since her passing, god I am sitting here crying reading your post Stellebelle. I always think at times of going through hell it's because we are renewing, shedding old skin is painful & it's part of life's ebbs and flow's. I know you already know this. We love you through hellish moods & glitter farts. And daughters are the best when you're feeling like crap aye? Bug hugs!!!
That was very touching. I must admit I shared some tears.
Laura is following my votes with 50% of my VP through streemian. That is her only bot. She had been following my vote for quite a long time.
It's incredibly sad that she is gone and we all wished we had done more.
And now I wish you to take good care of yourself. Let's do another video chat later today or tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to learn about all of this. I didn't get a chance to know Laura, but her artwork is beautiful. I find it comforting to know that her ghost lives on in the machine. x
This actually made me even more sad because seeing her name will make me sad . I may not have knew her like others , but I care for every human . She is in a better place watching down on all of us
This is really heart touching and makes one to think, about legacies that will live long after ones demise. Its saddens to know we cant do much about this life choices.
The times we live should really be impactful to people and the world at large.
I'm so sad to hear about Laura's death. I remember when she first came to Steemit. She had so many health and people issues and shared them. She was raw and real and very talented. I hope she's at peace now. I alsos hope her bot continues on. Notheing can be deleted in the blockchain. She'll live on forever there too. But it's not the same without having her here with us. We never know if we befriend someone or share a kind word, that we may have saved their life. Rest in peace, Laura.
I was @lauralemons follower for a brief time and I think she's lovely. I was so sad when I heard the news of her death.
Well its a good thing her bot is still functioning.
@stellabelle you take care of yourself...we all love you in Steemit .. your posts are part of all of us now. I enjoyed reading this and know you will see brighter days. When I met you in Kansas City it was great to be around such a creative mind as yours.
Wow this is a very touching post @stellabelle...
I think we have all known people who died on other platforms like Facebook, but it is really interesting to think that your past life can continue to physically affect others even after your death.
I never knew Laura but her artwork, and most definitely her soul, seems to have touched many people here, and she is most certainly in a better place!
I hope that all people who are considering suicide take the time to talk to friends and see that this life is a beautiful opportunity to share with others. I wish everybody who is grieving the best during this difficult time, and I hope that we Steemians can prevent future suicides from happening!
🐠❤️🐬❤️🐳
RIP LAURA
👁❤️👁
I see her bot as a legacy, Either it slipped off her mind setting it or she did it on purpose before her untimely death.. Then I believe her wishes should be respected!
Such Idea are still welcomed for our kids, this isn't to creep them out but to tell them we are with them even dead!
I hope your mood improves and I believe it is called the situational depression! Hurry and bounce back up, you're a strong woman!!
Such a sad story but I wonder why we would take the easy way out of difficult situations. Some people drink themselves down just to forget their problems while the reality sets back in, some take drugs and some do what just happened to end everything. I believe everyone has a down time and problems, the way we handle it shows our capability towards life. I believe all problems have a solution and suicide isn't one of them. I believe her bot is keeping the community moving.
I can understand now why suicide is such a heavy topic for you @stellabelle. Thanks for sharing this.
I guess in a sense, Laura lives in all of us. After my dad died, my mom told me, "You are him."
I didn't think much of it. I was just like "Oh okay."
But then I realized that in that sense, he continues to live in me; you; us. I understand that part of my mom's love for me now is that she sees him when I am around.
I am sorry to hear about what you're going through now. Please don't hesitate to contact me should you need a listening ear.
This got me thinking, first thing first I have started using @steemvoter and secondly it always a good way to backing up our online details. I have started backup some already. Writing my login details on a dairy.
Rip to her, I've seen some of her work and they are awesome