Let the photos do the talking

I've been dealing with a bit of creative burnout recently and the words aren't coming as easily as they used do. Just typing that last sentence took me an hour, for example, and this one took me another 45 minutes. At this rate I'll be dead of starvation long before I've earned enough from writing to buy the food I need to not starve to death. This unfortunate truth has of course caused me a good deal of worry and stress over the past several days.

However, today as I was anxiously pacing back and forth in the small efficiency crawlspace I rented for the winter, waiting for inspiration to strike, it suddenly occurred to me to maybe let my photos do the talking for once. I couldn't remember ever giving my photos any say in my work before—what if they had something interesting to add? A promising rough draft, perhaps? Or maybe just a novel thought or two to serve as fodder for future posts?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've never been the type to believe that a picture's worth a full thousand words. But it can't hurt to play around with the concept a bit, can it? You never know till you try.

So anyway, this looks like a pretty good photo to start with right here. Let's see what it has to say:

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Hey!! Good God man I've been trying to get your attention for like days now!! So you haven't seen a boxcar full of cocaine around here anywhere have you?? I'm missing like an entire boxcar full of cocaine!!

Uhhh…

I swear to God I put it right here on these railroad tracks but now I can't find it anywhere!!

Uhh, have you tried asking down at the police station yet?

What?? No I haven't done that!! Do you think they might know anything about my cocaine??

I think if there's a boxcar of cocaine that's been missing for days now, then yeah, they might know something.

Oh my God you're right!! Why didn't I think of that?? I'll go to the police station right now!! Thank you so much!! Thanks!!

You're welcome. Bye now.

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Well hell, that photo certainly had something to say now didn't it. Not sure if I can really use it for anything though. Let's try another:

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THE EARTH IS FLAT.

Oh for fuck's sake.

WE LIVE ON A DISC NOT A SPHERE AND THE SUN GOES AROUND US.

I don't even know where to—

IF IT WAS A SPHERE THERE WOULD BE EVIDENCE OF CURVATURE BUT THERE ISN'T ANY. NASA IS LYING ABOUT THE ANTARCTIC ICEWALL AND—

Okay that's it, you're done. Go away. Just… go. That's right, git along now.

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Christ Almighty. That's one crazy picture. Alright, which one's next:

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Hey.

Hi! Nice rainbow.

Thanks. Hey.

Uhh. You already said that?

Yeah. So hey, I'll tell you where the pot of gold is if you show me your penis.

What the—!?

So much gold. I promise.

Are you out of your goddamn mind!?

No, I just want to—

Shut the fuck up! I'm not showing you my penis and you can fuck right off now you hear?

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God this is getting kind of hard to believe. Are all of my photos really this messed up, or did I just pick a bad bunch? I swear if this next one doesn't have something at least halfway decent to say, I'm calling it quits:

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Hello.

Hi.

Would you like to hear a poem I wrote?

Sure!

Okay. This is my poem:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. Chrysanthemums are orange.

The end.

Umm… very nice. I thought poems were supposed to rhyme though?

Not this one.

I see. Well thanks for sharing!

You're welcome. Would you like to hear another?

No thank you.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

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Well. Compared to the others that one wasn't so bad now was it? Let's see what this photo's got:

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Hey, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I had a really bad day at work and I'd prefer to be alone right now.

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Thank you. Good night.

Good night.

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Of course. I finally get a photo that seems normal and it doesn't want to talk. Go figure.

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Hey man.

Hmm? Who are you?

So you didn't hear this from me, but pretty sure your cover's blown.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Sure man, whatever. I'd start making some tracks if I were you.

Right. So, about that—

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This is the police. Open up.

Hello?

We'd like to talk to you about a boxcar full of cocaine. Will you come with us please?

Uhhh…

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⛰ 🏞

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_{2-5-22. Well you've really gone and effed it all up this time haven't you.}