We live in an age of Quickset philosophy
Distorted sophistries
Corroding the boundaries
Between your opinion and my sacred liberty
Please just come talk to me
Instead of mocking me
Passing another law won’t keep you safe at night
Just redefines the fight
Can’t make them do what’s right
If you could see that it isn’t all black and white
Reason instead of might
Darkness will flee from light
Open your mind to the Truth that lies hidden there
Violence instead of care
We haven’t got a prayer
Unless we find a way to get back here from where
Killing is seen as fair
But it just can’t repair
Damage that we did and they did it’s done
If there’s a need for guns
Then we’re just on the run
Winning a fight with a prize that kills everyone
Killing ‘til “they're” all gone
Not seeing where we’re wrong
There will be no one to blame for the mess
Except for us I guess
Then we’ll ask Him to bless
Our new fight against “them” that were us
Or, we could just take the log from our own eye and stop all of this nonsense
I feel the same way, I don't usually read poetry, I think you will help me expand my reading palate!
Mesmerizing, almost metronomic beat. Good rhyme, too.
Teensy prob: I'm thinking "their" should be "they're"?
Slightly bigger prob:
Next-to-last line- beat suddenly stumbles.
Last line- I'm thinking, perhaps, it's supposed to be a finalizing "No more rhetoric- let's bring it down to plain-speak?" Which could fly as an in-your-face performance art piece. But in this situation, for ME anyway, when I hit it I felt like the rug had been pulled right out from under me. Like I'd run into a wall.
Which, again, I think might have been intentional. BUT... the stop was so sudden, it actually knocked the whole point of the poem right out of my consciousness. All I could think about after that last line was... that last line.
I think, maybe, better to keep some aspect of continuity with the rest of the poem's "style." Not a lot- just enough to "buffer" the sudden stop.
Anyway, still....
Very nice work.
Hi, Camnine, I am glad my piece impacted you. That being said, other than pointing out the typo, I don't remember asking for your critique and it's hardly fair for you to do so, when you have no work for anyone to comment on. I found it rather offputting. All I could think after your last line was, "I didn't ask you to teach me to write"