I Finally Found Out What Those Fucking Noises Are (remastered)

in #story7 years ago (edited)

@NoNamesLeftTouse The Writer/Artist Himself here and

I'll start out by being honest and letting everyone know the truth.

NoNamesLeftToUse - Noises.jpeg
Noises

I Hear Fucking Noises

 
Today I'm sitting in a nice peaceful area of time and space. There's no way those fucking noises will bother me here. This makes me happy.

So many times in my life that fucking noise would disrupt my normally focused mental state.

I'm one of those people who simply cannot stand being interrupted by unexpected fucking noises, yet these fucking noises have followed me around my entire life. I just can't seem to escape this constant onslaught of fucking noise.

The fucking noises started when I was young. I wasn't quite sure what to make of these fucking noises at first. The fucking noises seemed like something straight out of the Twilight Zone. I'd wake up in the middle night with a sudden urge to take a piss. I'd get halfway to the bathroom and be stopped in my tracks.

What the hell is that fucking noise?

I wondered, in a state of near shock.

It scared enough of the shit out of me to the point where I'd just turn around and crawl back into bed; all while hoping I didn't wake up in my own homemade kiddie pool made out of bed sheets and urine come morning.

Those fucking noises haunted me for many years.

I looked forward to the day when I could finally move out of that possessed household and into my own.

A few friends finally came to the rescue when I was eighteen years old and they helped me pack up my things and unpack them into our new life.

It was a nice new home

with residences on the other sides of the walls.

We all did our best to keep our music and partying down to a reasonable noise level and always made sure to respect our new neighbor's best interests.

Two days and only one hangover later was all it took. I thought I got away from them; the fucking noises were back.

This time the fucking noises were coming from all directions. Through the walls, down the halls, from under the cracks and straight into my trying to concentrate ears. Still, I could never pinpoint the source of these fucking noises and would fear getting close enough to investigate.

The fucking noises again; they began to drive me batshit crazy.

I had to get out there and find my own place.



It was a small third floor corner suite apartment.

I loved it.

Well lit during the day and the south wind would get sucked in through one window and pushed out the other. The place was fresh. A little too close to the train tracks though, but I didn't mind at first because they said I'd get used to it.

I never did.

The train would come along and honk it's horn as a friendly way to say, "Hello, I'm coming over for coffee."

My plates would shake, the wall paint would flake. My solution was easy. Alcohol and music, both at equally excessive levels. To be honest though; the abundance of drinks, tunes and trains was far easier on the ears and mind than any of those fucking noise experiences I had been dealing with throughout my past.

I started to settle in to a normal life.

Things were getting better.

I had the luxury of meeting a few nice ladies. My floor was full of beautiful women. Always coming and going; majority of them were single.

I decided this place was for me. That is, until; those fucking noises started all over again.

So, I hit the bottle harder.

Because I could not afford to move again.

Since I had plenty of time on my hands, often fueled into a drunken frenzy, I had enough liquid confidence flowing through my veins and this helped me, after all these years, finally decide to investigate.

To prepare myself; I bought twelve cases of beer, seventeen bags of chips, three packages of hot dogs, four loaves of bread and one thing of mustard. I was set.

I closed all the blinds, kept the lights off during the night. I sat in silence, waiting, listening for anything out of the ordinary, looking for patterns. I was awake for thirty-eight hours straight when I was finally rewarded with my first clue.

First I would hear bass, then the gentle sound of tires spreading small stones about the partially paved parking lot. This was followed by a brief moment of silence, then I would hear a car door close. From there I would hear an apartment buzzer off in the distance, very faint but still noticeable. Footsteps would follow and the sound would get closer. Somebody, was walking up the the stairs. I'd hear another door close, down the hall somewhere, not too far away. Then, silence.

Minutes later...

Those fucking noises would begin again!

The fucking noises would last two to seven minutes, tops. I observed this same pattern every day until I ran out of supplies.

After being awake and drunk for many days straight, I decided to confront my demons head on, but first I needed to get dressed and buy more beer.

I was in the bathroom, getting ready, when the fucking noises caught me off guard. I flipped out, left my apartment and headed down the hall. I was getting closer, I brought a glass along to place on the doors so I would be able to hone in on the definitive source. I did not have to go far; it was the first door next to mine. I could hear the fucking noises without my glass but I used it anyway to be sure. This was the place.

I knocked and rang and knocked and rang and banged and yelled and kicked and screamed at the door.

After a few minutes of chaos, two scantily clad members of this residence finally opened up to greet me. They did not look impressed.

I asked them if they heard any unusual noises coming from inside of their apartment. I began to imitate the fucking noises to the best of my abilities. They looked at me as if I was a crazy person.

The man, wearing only a towel with a strange bulge protruding from the center region, began to push me around because I would not leave.

As someone who watches mixed martial arts quite often on television, I knew exactly what to do.

When I was on my back getting pummeled, I made sure to roll side to side and keep my elbows up around my face. I'm sure this protected me from receiving a harsher beating than necessary. The woman, who played the role of referee, finally managed to pull the victor away from me.

She did not raise his arm so I still consider myself 0-8 instead of 0-9.


After Jail, Came Counseling

 
Today was my final session on the doctor's couch. She had become very frustrated with me and said it was time I either went to a home or found a new doctor.

I said, "Listen, lady. I just want to know if I'm crazy or if I truly do hear murderous screams and panting dogs every few days. I'm wondering if that's normal or not! Your pills don't make it go away!"

She said, "They were fucking, you idiot. Those were fucking noises you heard!"

The door was then slammed in my face and I felt a cool sensation come over me like wind on a sunny spring morning. I felt free and unshackled. I got my answer.

After all this time, I finally know what these fucking noises were and what these fucking noises are called.

I just hope some day I can learn what fucking is. That is my next mission in life. There are still so many questions and I need to get to the bottom of this.

I thank you for your time. I appreciate you listening to my story.

linebreak1

Dear reader,
I originally published this story on 11/22/2016 at 10:22 p.m. on Steemit.com
Today I decided to bring it back to life on Steemit. This version is not identical to the original. Some minor changes were made and the formatting was improved upon. The cover is new and this is the first time we see it here.
The original did not do well on Steemit when it comes to rewards(42 cents, that's life) but it currently has 872 views with more trickling in as time passes. That tells me, since I make a solid effort to push my creative works to people outside of Steemit, the original publication is being shared and passed around the internet, slowly. Not only was it an entertaining short story but it doubles as free advertising for this platform as well as myself. A lot of my work has the same effect provided I take the necessary steps to push it out to a wider audience.
After receiving many requests over the past few months from members here to breathe new life into my old work, I decided to go with this one mainly because it's one of my more popular publications that most here on Steemit any many of my new followers don't even know about. I hope you enjoyed it. Have a nice day.
linebreak1
Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"Classic @NoNamesLeftToUse."
WhonamezuhStudio@gmail.com

© 2018 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.
Follow @NoNamesLeftToUse
(Click the link for previous posts!)

Sort:  

I fucking hate you and am so jealous of you...you're so creative. When you say fucking noise in the beginning I thought it was an adjective to describe the noise. I nearly fell from my chair laughing after reading it at the end. You made my day @nonameslefttouse! lol...

:)

Yup. A little bit of wordplay goes a long way. That's called misdirection. Magic! LOL

That was a really good story and it's hilarious. For six months in the dorms eight years ago I had a next door neighbor who was Chinese. Every day, her boyfriend would come over and the two would get in an argument. They'd scream at each other in Chinese. Afterwards, everytime, I would hear "fucking noises" as they made up. No idea what they argued about. It was like listening to a crazy dirty radio show through the walls. I was so glad when she moved.

Those fucking noises can make anyone go insane. I've lived beside a few screamers. This is loosely based on a true story, except I know what I'm hearing.

I miss writing these stories.

Brilliant! I did have a clue not long after the leaving the parents house, but still very amusing to read. I kinda felt sorry for the poor guy, especially after he needed to find out what fucking was...lol. Thank you, you put a smile on my face.

It's obvious enough but because of how naive this character is, that keeps the reader feeling unsure as well. It's so ridiculous but it's always been one of my favorites. Thanks for having some fun here today. That's all that really matters.

After the third "fucking noises" I had a clue. I'm glad you didn't investigate your parents. That could have left a black spot on the psyche.

As someone who watches mixed martial arts quite often on television, I knew exactly what to do.

When I was on my back getting pummeled, I made sure to roll side to side and keep my elbows up around my face.
My favorite part.

Yeah. I didn't want to give away the fact people were reading a joke until much later into the story. The list of supplies was where I actually started to turn the story into what it truly is.

When I was on my back getting pummeled, I made sure to roll side to side and keep my elbows up around my face. I'm sure this protected me from receiving a harsher beating than necessary.

Lol, so much to get rid of these fucking noices. If only you had a girlfriend at that time, you probably would find out much sooner. I wonder how your imitation of “fucking noises” sounded like.lol I loved this story. Whether its true or not, I don’t fucking care, I just fucking loved it. I’ve never said so many “f....g” in my life. That’s how much I loved this.
Usually when I read something, after few sentences I fall asleep. When I wake up, I start over, because I lost count where I finished before I fell asleep. After while, I learned to count how many sentences I already read before I fall asleep. I had never read a story without falling asleep. Until now! I enjoyed your story soo much, that somehow you accomplished something that was unimaginable for me. You didn’t make me fall asleep.

I can wait to see your next post about you learning what fucking is.

Have a nice day!

Whether its true or not

Read the tags. One of the main reasons why I stopped writing stories was because people would respond in ways as if it was ME in the situation I wrote about.

I'm glad you were able to have fun reading this.

Hahahahaha I wish you luck in your endeavor to find out more about fucking. Loved it and am glad you bought it back to life :D

Yeah, I try googling it but I get some fairly strange results. :)

Sometimes google is NOT your friend when trying to find out about your end :)

You are a genius and you should share more stories you wrote in the past.
I wish I was less hangover today <3

I don't want to make a habit out of re-posting, though I did improve upon this from it's original state and added new artwork so I guess I'm safe. I'd like to share more and actually start writing more new ones but I'm worried about support. I have strong support for humor but I also did and would like to do some more serious stuff and those haven't been going so well for me lately. I don't want to lose more support. A lot of people look but they don't vote anymore so I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or what.

Word play, double entendre, a little misdirection...these are among my favorite things to play with when I'm doing my writing. You've done it well here sir :)

Thanks a lot. Writing this way is no easy feat. Some people caught on early, some got it in the middle and for others it worked all the way to the end. So many little risky hints as well. All intentional. This was like building a puzzle as I wrote. Thanks again.

I guessed at the 2-7 minutes. I remember when my goddaughter said she stayed in a hotel in England that had pigeons fighting all night!

Those damn pigeons were in a few hotels I've been to.

should I say I am still wondering what the fucking noise is coming from. The best clue was the door next to you. Guess the moment they opened the door, the fucking noise stopped. This edited one will do more than the original one

I might get a bit more money but I doubt I'll beat those views any time soon. I suppose I should have picked a better day to do this.

Oh fucking noise, guess the noise was a necessary evil.

And I thought you might be possessed. All it was was a f****** noises. We all hear them from time to time. It's all good have a beer write another story
And thanks for sharing

I was quite sure that this story is not about the disadvantages of Noise and truly it wasn't :D :D I do not know by which fertile made God created your talented mind, Appreciated the creativity Bud ;)

That poor doctor will must fall in love with you, keep visiting her :D

Haha, good play on words! Worth posting again.

My floor was full of beautiful women. Always coming and going;

Damn, you's a playa.

Me and Agent k approve noises big time!

Do you think I should spend more time writing stories again?

DEFINITELY! I mean...You ask someone who self-defines as a writer if you should write more? he he...OF COURSE! Plus, I really enjoy reading your stories. They are not plain or "usual" if you know what I mean!

I've been telling the life stories and doing the freewrite comedy stuff where I just let my thoughts flow or turn it into a skit. My focus used to be on fiction and I'd produce art to go along with it. Sometimes up to three new images. I'm just so goddamn worried about getting skunked with the views and votes. That one made 42 cents on the first go. Then again, I once entered a writing competition. I got second place to one of the best short story writers here at the time. I suppose I have a large enough following now, I could probably do whatever I feel like doing. See me going back and forth? It's a tough call.

You've got nothing to lose if you tried to combine both maybe? I mean you already post like twice per day, right?

What an absolutely BRILLIANT read! Honestly, you have a fantastic manner of delivering dry humor and even though I could absolutely feel your frustration (not to mention probable discomfort from all those crisps, LOLZ) the giggles could not be avoided!

What a fucking story! :D

So glad you shared this with me, lolz!

Did you ever discover what fucking was? :P

There was no fucking way to figure it out.

.....well, fuck!