Original Story: Smoke, Chapter 1

in #story8 years ago (edited)

Penelope slipped her feet into the sea. It was a pleasant night, but no silhouettes were visible on any of the docks spanning the coast. A sliver of moon reflected on the water that gently rolled to shore.

It felt so peaceful and mysterious sitting there with her feet in the inky water that Penelope was not really thinking of anything except the scenery and sensations. Sensations like the chilly waves around her ankles, the soft wood of the dock on the palms of her hands, the cool breeze caressing her slightly sunburnt skin. Bright moon, dark water, soft wood. And a sea turtle.

Sea turtle?! Penelope focused her eyes on the dim shape that had appeared in the water some ten feet ahead. It did seem to have a rounded back like a sea turtle, but it was too large, and slickly shining in the moonlight with a purplish cast. Penelope pulled her feet out of the water and folded them beside her. She didn't think it was a shark, nor a whale. Maybe some kind of strange fish.

But the animal made a humming sound vaguely similar to that of a whale, then rolled to reveal a large eye with a brown iris like a human's. It was looking right at Penelope.

"Hello!" she said, clutching her knee with one hand.

"Who are you talking to?"

Penelope jumped, then relaxed when she realized this was the voice of her little brother. He must have been walking along the beach nearby, gathering shells as he liked to do. "Timothy, come here! There's something big in the water!"

"Don't call me Timothy." He walked and peered into the waves. "Wow, you're right! What is it?" His tone had changed entirely. He sat down his sandy pail of shells and sat beside her.

"I dunno, but I heard it make a sound. It was like--" And Penelope tried to imitate the sound.

Tim looked at her dubiously, but twice as loudly as before, the creature made its humming sound in reply. It seemed to be moving closer.

Excitement bubbled up inside Penelope. "It understood me! I think it's friendly. Like a dolphin!" She climbed to her feet and awkwardly imitated its low, two-toned humming once more. Again, it responded.

"Hey!" cried her brother, for no apparent reason. He stood up too, and they made the sound together.

A pause, and the a resounding call in return. It had now closed half the distance to the children. Penelope looked at her brother. His eyes were shining like two stars, and his teeth were showing in an exhilarated smile. Her heart danced even more when she saw her excitement reflected in him.

The sea always promised new encounters and adventures, but this was their first experience with anything but distant whales and dolphins, a faraway shark fin in the water, or little creatures like those colorful shells that you find by digging deep in the shore -- the ones who burrow with a shuffling motion when you put them on top of wet sand. No, this felt truly magical.

"Do you have any bread?"

Penelope sighed at him. "I don't think it eats bread, Tim. But no, I don't anyway."

He made the imitation call again. The animal had shown nothing but a rounded, slick top and that big brown eye so far, but it was almost to the edge of the dock. Penelope had a feeling they were about to discover more.

"Maybe I should turn on my phone flashlight."

"Don't do that!" Tim whispered. "You'll scare it away." He made the humming call, and it answered again.

Scarcely breathing, they watched the purplish creature draw close to the dock. It was almost right beneath them!

"Get away."

Penelope whipped around. The firm command had come from an old woman in a grey dress who stood at the end of the dock, calmly smoking a cigar. The smoke encircled her like a picture frame.

"Who are you? Hey, this is private property. ...is this thing dangerous?" Penelope glanced doubtfully at the friendly mystery who was rolling up to the dock.

"I said get away. Now, or you'll get hurt."

Penelope was accustomed to adults telling her that all manner of things would result in some kind of harm; often they exaggerated, in her experience. Nevertheless, she said, "Come on, Tim," and walked toward the old woman.

"But Pene--" His whine was cut short by a scream. The creature had silently risen out of the water enough to display a wicked-looking circle of fangs, water or saliva dripping from them, and Tim just barely jumped away before it could draw him into them using its thick black tongue. He tore past the horrified Penelope, past the calm old woman, and a good distance up the sand toward their house, howling all the way.

"What the hell was that?" Penelope asked the woman, who instantly puffed a cloud of smoke in her direction. She felt a little bold, swearing like that, but knew adults generally gave it a pass in extreme circumstances.

"That was a close call," said the old woman, ignoring Penelope's coughing and waving at the smoke. "If you don't know what something is, don't try to play with it. Kids!"

A wail of frustration rose from the creature in the water, sending Penelope skittering closer to her brother. "Don't worry. It can't come much closer than that. Water's too shallow."

"This is weird! Let's go inside!" Tim entreated her, but Penelope couldn't help seeking more answers.

"Who are you? What is that thing?" She stepped closer to the old woman with her fists clutched.

"Very well. Come closer. It's just for you. Don't tell the boy." She motioned with a long, wrinkled index finger tipped by a yellowed nail, and Penelope noticed a dull silvery ring on her middle finger. She slowly walked closer to the woman, close enough to see the yellow tint in the whites of her eyes as well. The woman held her cigar to the side and leaned in to Penelope's ear. "It was tonight. 12:01 AM." Her breath seemed to scrape Penelope's skin like a snake's scales on stone. She shuddered.

"But what's that mean?!"

"That's all." The old woman turned to the dock. "Now go into the house, and don't look back." She made a flicking motion towards Penelope, who suddenly did feel that she wanted to do exactly as the old woman said. So she and her brother Tim went inside, locked the door, and talked about the odd thing that had just happened until they wanted some snacks -- chips and dip -- and decided to put a movie on.

Penelope was not awake at 12:01 AM, although she had meant to stay up. So she never missed the minute that should have been and never was.

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It definitely draws me in. I would have liked more specific details about the creature, it feels like a plot device currently, but I expect that those details are coming in chapter 2 and I can't really know better than the author what the right rate is to dole out those details at. I liked the characters. They felt authentic. The old woman was the weakest though, feeling more like a threshold guardian than a fleshed out person.

Ok. I'm hooked. :-)

Awwww rebelmeow. <3

This is an interesting story. I think I will continue reading these chapters. I also have a question. As an aspiring fiction writer can you tell me how to get followers? At first my stories were getting like $10 each because I was being helped out, apparently, by a guild called curie, but now I'm lucky to get $0.50 even though it takes me several hours to outline and come up with the story. Take this latest story for example: https://steemit.com/writing/@jeezzle/the-third-floor-the-ladder. It got $0.47 and that is likely all it's going to get. It has 17 votes but only 5 views meaning most people didn't even read it. How do you get people to read your stories? It's proving to be a rather frustrating experience. Thank you for any help you are able to give me. I. will continue to read all the chapters of this story as it seems really good.