Recurring dream

Have you ever had a dream that has been repeating inside your mind for years? I have three of them and today I'm going to tell you what is about:

This dream starts with me in flat, I was like the boss to construct the whole building, the construction was on early stage. I know I did something ilegal to find the money to construct the bulding but I'm not sure what it is, I'm talking to a woman about this fact and I see some men got out of a black car and start to run after me. I run as they shoot me with their guns I keep running up to a hill tired but afraid enough to keep the run but the hill goes to and end and I find myself on the border of an abyss. There I have two options: I let the men cacth me and shoot me or throw myself down the abyss ... Everytime I have this dream I take the second option, I don't know how but I survive the men can't beliave it and they are not brave enough to throw themself to the abyss ... Severe injured I kept runing until I find a river and I hug a trunk and let myself go down the river until I reach a beautifull village where they cure me ... ... ...

I have had this dream for about 20 years I have been trying hard to take the first option, let the men shoot me just to see what happends but until now I haven't been able to do so because even I know I'm dreaming I doubt "What if this is not a dream" so I throw myself everytime it's a very complex paradox ... When I wake up realizing it was the same dream as always I inmediately remember a line in the Matrix movie where morpheus say to Neo "Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"

The fact is that "You can't know the diference"