In this episode, Jovius and Vintage put on quite the show of rhetoric for the large anarchist crowd.
Later that night, a large crowd was assembled for Jovius’ show. Jovius was a fairly well known comedian and always drew a good crowd, especially at trade shows and festivals. It was a starry night with a brilliant full moon shining down on Fire Lake.
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The crowd was gathered in a rustic outdoor stone amphitheater. There was a palpable flow of energy in the air and everyone could feel it. No one in the crowd knew, however, what kind of a rare show they were in for. They were about to meet Vintage.
Jovius was standing with Vintage near the back of the stage entrance. He decided to give his version of a pep talk. “Listen Vintage,” he said as he put his arm around the slightly nervous newcomer, “I’ll lead the way with the questions. All you have to do is give honest answers. Not only will the crowd love it, but you’ll get paid, and most importantly, I think you might learn some infinitely important information. Just answer the questions. Got it? How do you feel? Ready to roll? Excited?”
Trying to hide his obvious apprehension, Vintage gave a shaky headbob and smile. “I can’t hear you!” yelled Jovius ironically. “Yes, I’m ready!” Vintage yelled back with a grin. “Ok, let’s do this! Let’s go!” Jovius urged as they headed up the steps and into the spotlight.
Jovius began, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! For those of you who know me, I’ll be honest, I’m surprised to see you came back for more! For all my new victims in the crowd, my name is Jovius, purveyor of liquid spirit of the spoken word. All of you will be witnessing a historic event tonight! I am proud to bring you, from the other side of the world, Mister Vintage! Everyone give a great hand for this brave soul as he treads the murky depths of the stage with I, Jovius!
Everyone cheered and clapped wildly as they sipped on various libations and smoked an assortment of concoctions. Vintage timidly smiled and waved to the crowd. Jovius was grinning from ear to ear and banging his hands together fanatically.
Jovius continued, “So let us begin, my dear Vintage. You are from the other side of the world, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Is it true that you have government where you come from?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Fantastic. We couldn’t live very well without government, now could we?” Jovius asked in a silly tone as he rolled his eyes at the crowd.
“Government is quite important, I must say.”
“I agree! I’m sure everyone here agrees, actually! If anyone in the crowd thinks that government is not important, please throw some fruit at me and be done with it!” Jovius paused for effect. No fruit or other objects came in his direction, so he felt it safe to continue. “I’m glad everyone here is so well educated!” Jovius yelled with wide eyes. “Now, my good friend from afar, would you all do us the honor and tell us the root meaning of the word government?”
“Well,” Vintage began, then paused. He didn’t have a working definition exactly. Jovius began to tap his foot and look at his watch to count the seconds. “Hmmmm, my dear fellow, you seem to be struggling to define the term which we have deemed so absolutely essential. I understand, though. You’ve had a long trip, you’re tired, perhaps you’ve had one too many victuals. I’m sure our friendly crowd here will understand, especially the part about the victuals, am I right?” he asked the crowd and motioned his hand to signal them to answer. A resounding ‘yes’ rippled through the magical night air.
“I’ll tell you what I’ll do then, I’ll go ahead and define that for us. The etymological root of the word ‘government’ is from the ancient language known as Latin. The first part of the word is from the Latin ‘Gubernare’ which means ‘to control’. And the second part is from the Latin word ‘mente’ which means ‘mind’. So, what does that come to in this linguistic equation, ladies and gentlemen, shout it out please!”
“Mind control!” yelled the crowd emphatically. Jovius smiled broadly and applauded the crowd heartily. “Yes, yes, yes, government literally means mind control! Now, Mister Vintage, now that we’ve got the meaning of government, may I ask you another question about your world?”
“Yes, of course!” he yelled with apprehension.
“Very good, my man! Stick with us. Where you come from, do you have external government or internal government, my good man? We wish to be enlightened about your wondrous way of life!” he yelled as he was now pacing back and forth raising his arms in the air to pump up the crowd.
As nearly always happens when one becomes nervous and a bit agitated, Vintage blurted out the first thing which came to mind, which was the answer that had been relentlessly repeated into his consciousness since birth. “Government is external, I suppose.”
A loud rush of laughs and disbelieving ‘awwwws’ swept through the crowd. Was this guy for real? Jovius was laughing heartily and with a wrinkled nose and eyes nearly shut he exclaimed, “Ohhhhhh, noooooo! Oh, my good man! What makes you say that government is external? Please shower us with more bubbling wisdom! Why external?”
“I dunno,” Vintage shrugged, “All sorts of people and buildings exist externally to make government, so it seems like the logical answer to me.”
This brought thunderous waves of laughter from the hyper crowd, who chuckled deep in their souls right along with Jovius. Jovius himself was nearly falling over himself. Finally containing himself, Jovius continued the dialogue, “So dear traveler, we thirst for more! Based on your response, is it true that you have people controlling your mind?” Before Vintage could answer, a shout came from the crowd, “Don’t forget buildings!” Jovius pointed at the man in the crowd and said, “Thank you, you’re most diligent! Yes, and buildings!” he yelled as he raised his index finger high in the air.
Unsure what to say at this point, Vintage replied, “Well, no, people don’t control my mind, and neither do the buildings. They just help keep order with laws, that’s all.”
The crowd was in fits of uncontrolled delight at the ludicrous statements this man was making.
Jovius continued, “It appears you have contradicted yourself! You say that the government doesn’t control your mind, but the meaning of government is mind control and you clearly stated that people and buildings make up the government where you come from! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a contradiction! A contradiction!” he yelled emphatically as he jumped around wildly on stage.
A plethora of gasps echoed through the audience. A contradiction indeed! Jovius was on fire and played to the crowd, “Here on this side of this beautiful planet, we have internal government, not external! We control our own minds!” “Now,” he continued in excited tones, “Before we continue, I want you to take a deep breath because you look a little out of sorts. Would anyone from the crowd be kind enough to give this man a towel? He’s getting a bit excited up here, as you might imagine!” Suddenly, a jovial young woman ran onto the stage, ripped her shirt off, and vigorously wiped Vintage’s head and face with her discarded clothing. Jovius exclaimed, “Wow, a kind young lass has come to your rescue! Thank you, my dear! Now, where were we?” The woman trotted happily off the stage.
To Be Continued.....
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