As someone who is very familiar with the effects of gaslighting and emotional abuse I can tell you that although you may have elevated some of the situations, you were not the cause of her crazy-making behaviour. Unfortunately, it is very toxic to be in a relationship with a personality-disordered person and the victim/survivor will often adopt their partner's abusive traits almost as a survival mechanism. Consider yourself lucky that you got out without having children with this woman--that would have been truly sad, both for you and for your children. A lot of people don't realize that domestic violence (with or without physical abuse) is a soul-raping experience because ultimately you are faced with having to accept and forgive yourself for having been complicit in the abuse (by tolerating it). The truth is that the trauma bond formed with your abuser keeps you locked into the relationship in ways that are difficult to understand. An abusive partner will emotionally manipulate and confuse you into staying "hooked" in what becomes a very disorienting pattern of behaviour. Personally I found the most difficult thing was having to accept how easily I lost my integrity in order to stay in the relationship. As a result, I'm policing my own behaviour much more rigorously and learning how to maintain my boundaries with both family members and colleagues. Good luck to you and I look forward to reading more of your stories.