Brutally Honest: 20 - Shame II

Is cowardice an act of ineffectual weakness or a cunning strategical counter to immediate danger? It's a tough one to place in a defined, specific category. For one, I suppose the assessment of the situation at hand plays a big part in the decision-making process. And secondly, the state of your analytical mindset at the time. But one thing is for sure. Though humiliated, they usually live on to fight another day. Too dramatic? Well, it's intriguing how true that statement feels for a youngling on the receiving end of some good old-fashioned threatening harassment.

The first thing I noticed was Julie looking up from perusing some papers on the front desk. A smile immediately met her lips upon seeing my return. This was gonna be an out-all test of endurance and mental fortitude. They perceived me as such an innocent, which to some extent I was. This young lad down the road who never hung around with the wrong crowd, did his homework on time, loved his action and comedy movies and generally was well liked around the neighbourhood. Oh yes, all that was about to change in a matter of minutes by one act of apparent lewd and perverse desperation, with every ounce of guilt placed squarely on my shoulders.

I nodded an acknowledgement in her direction before moving off to the isle on the left. Peering up to the top shelf, I saw the sleazy cover. Don't get me wrong, under normal circumstances I'd have interpreted it as visually pleased for the eyes. But not now, not today. It was a seething hatred for it's very existence and I despised that poor, oblivious busty blonde bombshell staring down at me. Almost mocking, it seemed. Well, better get this over with as quickly as possible, I thought. Reaching up, I scooped it off it's shelf space. I recalled glancing round to see it caught saw me. God knows why as she'd by privy to Shane's dastardly master plan soon enough. Taking a deep sigh, I dragged myself over to the counter. A walk of unadulterated shame. Poor Cersei Lannister, I know the feeling only too well. Heaving the weight of all my life's honour and respect onto the desk, I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I'll have one of these, please, Julie." My complexion, I'm sure, couldn't have been any redder. Her face fell as soon as she looked at the front cover image. The stunned expression remained a second longer before she rolled her eyes up at me. "You want... This?" She asked, reduced to almost a strained whisper. "Yes, please." I whimpered, fighting off the urge to scream at the top of my lungs that it wasn't meant for my evening's pleasurable entertainment. But nothing I could have said or done would undo the mounting heaps of damage being caused by the second. I was a fake and a dirty little pervert. Reputation at ground zero... And falling fast.

Surprisingly, after a few moments of pondering, she actually ended up giving me the rental VHS tape. Part of me hadn't even acknowledged the fact that I was under the legal age to possess or view such filth, but hey, at least she still trusted me, right? Lucky for me, I resisted to envision her possible "thought cloud" in response to my inappropriate actions. I probably would have fainted on the spot, there and then. I grabbed the item of disrepute off the desk and, without a word, scurried to the doorway and out into the street. Just in time to be greeted by the slavering beast that was Shane MuDuffy. I remember him not even looking at me, but instead snatching the rental from out of my hands and striding off back from the direction he was coming from. Could he have prophesied this most horrific of meetings? Who knows, but I was a downtrodden, anxious wreck. Home was the only sanctuary I could think of to escape from the woes of this harsh outside world.

Later that evening, a worrying thought dawned on me. It's amazing the clarity of thought after panic subsides. What if Shane never returned the video tape! I'd have to pay financial compensation for its untimely disappearance. Another horror show waiting to be played out in my near future! But, to my relief, he ended up returning it the next day via the "drop-box" collection service they ran. It would have been the easiest thing for him to baptise it as his own, but he chose not to. And you know what? A small part of my conscience actually thanked him for that...

So, what of the ever friendly Filipino clan that had been my "adoptive" family outside of my actually familial circle? Well, as you can imagine, things were never quite the same again. That smile of genuine affability Julie afforded me, was gone forever. It transformed thereafter into more of a grin. Possibly even a grimace. Like as if to say, I'm fully aware of the sordid activities you partake in whilst hidden away behind closed doors and curtains. I had become... God help me, a "regular customer"! Oh well, the memories beforehand were great and still are to this very day. So, Julie, if you ever get to read this (though highly unlikely), the truth has now been revealed and that sweet kid from down the road who'd frequent your awesome video store, was not as corrupt as you'd initially imagined...

Hope you enjoyed this story, please look out for more on the way... (author: @ezzy)

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