My Wonder Bedroom ; Story Mentorship

in #story-mentor7 years ago

I wish to express my gratitude to @michelle.gent for creating this story mentorship group.

MY WONDER ROOM
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My bed, my haven! That is the way I feel when I crawl into my 6x6” inches mattress thrown at the end of the room after a very tasking day. The semi soft form gives me a massaging feeling and my beautiful purpled-flowered bedspread compliments it. I have a pillow that is shaped like a teddy bear, so I cuddle it on cold nights and feel less homesick.
I have very tiny ticker tapes hung down from my net holder to give that fairyland effects, they always lure me to sleep and send me to pleasant dream land. Complimenting my bed corner is my wardrobe, small but the door is overly decorated with puppets and stickers to match my room. My room has a spacey effect because of my many decorations. Some of my friends say they find my room frightening, others say it reminds them of Alice-in-the-wonderland but I find it very cozy, warm and girly.
Most nights when tis hot, I hold my pale mauve chiffon curtain with the bird-like wall peg which is fastened to the wall. Whenever there is much wind the peg wags its tail or moves its wing, is such fascinating sight. On days that the weather is humid, I gather my decorations and put down my curtains so they are not thrown everywhere by the wind.
This faithful night, I had a poor score in my continuous assessment test and also lost a huge sum of money on my way to the library. For the better part of that day I walked in a daze, after walking round the whole school, my faculty, the senate building, the library, lecture halls and hostel; checking if I would find my wallet which was missing with my money. I was inconsolable because mummy told me I should not expect any more money until school vacates, the loss of money and poor test score weighed me down heavily.
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It was past 7pm before I made my way back to my room. I did not bother to remove my clothing nor had appetite for food, I just slumped on my bed and fresh sobs shook my body to its roots. I must have slept off because what startled me look like someone’s finger but when I tried to open my eyes I saw what looked like a ghostly animal figure, dangling a sheet before my face. I passed out in shock and when I came around, it looked like a million figures were walking round my room, I started screaming which attracted the security and my flat mates but out of fear, I could not stand to open the door when they were banging at the door and calling my name. They had to force the door open and I rushed out.
When the head security flashed his light, they saw nothing but my scattered puppets and decorations all over the place, with my curtain and bird-like peg flying and dangling. Apparently it started raining while I dozed off and because of my heavy heart I did not pack my puppets and decorations and the wind turned them into I scarecrow while I slept.
By morning, I decided I was done with all the fairy life style because apart from causing a stampede, I hit my face on my door post when I was rushing out and sustained a very deep cut on my forehead. Mummy had to come for me because the cut had to be sutured and I needed more home care. As I packed my things to go home, I found my wallet with the huge amount amongst my things in the wardrobe.
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Sometimes I still wonder how all those puppets turned to animated objects that night

Thank you for reading.
Image source: @pixabay.com

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I am glad you found your wallet...what a night you had.

Thank you dear.
It was a terrible night for me

Hey @samson12,

Your story is interesting.

I think it's a little rushed and it could possibly benefit from writing it out in a document (or even on paper) so you can read it through a few times.

There are a few things I think you would change if you realised what you'd written...

You have a small mattress - 6x6 inches is small, even for a cushion.

I think that if you get into the habit of writing and then reading through your work, you'll see how your readers view it.

This seems rushed to me, like it was something you had to do before you could go out and do things you actually enjoy doing. (I hope I'm wrong with this assumption).

If you space your writing out, it can also encourage the reader to read it more thoroughly. I had quite a task to read the story through and I think I may have missed parts.

Put a space between each paragraph and take your time.

If you draw your reader in slowly, taking time with descriptions rather than writing a list of what is in your room, the reader can connect with you better. Tell what's in your mind and your heart rather than listing the things in your room.

I'm pleased you found your money and I'm sorry you got hurt.

Ok.
I will consider this in my next writing.
Thank you very much @michelle.gent

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