Hey @samson12,

Your story is interesting.

I think it's a little rushed and it could possibly benefit from writing it out in a document (or even on paper) so you can read it through a few times.

There are a few things I think you would change if you realised what you'd written...

You have a small mattress - 6x6 inches is small, even for a cushion.

I think that if you get into the habit of writing and then reading through your work, you'll see how your readers view it.

This seems rushed to me, like it was something you had to do before you could go out and do things you actually enjoy doing. (I hope I'm wrong with this assumption).

If you space your writing out, it can also encourage the reader to read it more thoroughly. I had quite a task to read the story through and I think I may have missed parts.

Put a space between each paragraph and take your time.

If you draw your reader in slowly, taking time with descriptions rather than writing a list of what is in your room, the reader can connect with you better. Tell what's in your mind and your heart rather than listing the things in your room.

I'm pleased you found your money and I'm sorry you got hurt.