Mentorship Group - Writing a query letter - Part 2

This week, I spent an hour every day from Tuesday to Thursday, learning how to 'Pitch' my book to an agent. On Friday, the tutor spent two and a half hours going over practice query letters, telling us what we did right, what we did wrong and what needed to be done to get that query letter 'pitch-perfect'.

First Post

From the advice she gave:

I’m currently taking a workshop, and as the tutor mentioned you by name, I decided to find out more about you. The eclectic list of genres you represent and enjoy reading encouraged me as my novel, Cobalt Nights fits in the thriller category (with an original hook).

Totally unnecessary - all I need to do is find a couple of books the agent sold on to publishers that compare to my work and mention them by name, including a few character or storyline similarities.

I was the first female Door Supervisor (‘Bouncer’) in my town, and I’ve encountered a lot of interesting characters because of the job. With that in mind, I’ve written a fictional story, woven around some of my experiences.

Unnecessary in this position of the letter, save it for the bio.

~

Drop those things. (LOL)

I have a presence on IMDB for various work – Producer, writer, actress etc.

She became pretty excited about that part... everything else, all 500+ words... too long.

The letter should be around 250 - 300 words ONLY. I was way over!

I have a LOT to learn.

Dear Ms Agent,

My novel, Cobalt Nights fits in the thriller category, along with the books, Violence in a Small Town and Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting.

The story is Roadhouse with a Russian Mafia twist.

Zack, an ambitious Head Doorman is caught between two opposing Russian Mafioso factions. Zack is no longer fighting for first place in competition, he has to use his martial arts skills to keep his head on his shoulders and his family safe.

Two brothers starting a new business should be a walk in the park, but when the business is Door Security for nightclubs and casinos, with clients that include gangsters and the Russian Mafioso, the walk in the park becomes dangerous.

Zack put his brother through University by teaching martial arts and ‘bouncing’ on the doors of local pubs and clubs. The brothers use their father’s small inheritance to fund their own security firm. Bringing in the cream of the crop, where Doormen are concerned, to build their empire, it’s not all plain sailing, especially when two rival Russians are fighting over their business.

The opening of The Cobalt brings new issues when one of the brothers falls for the boss’s daughter. They have to tread a fine line where business and personal lives merge.

I worked as a Door Supervisor (Bouncer) in the second-most-violent town in Nottinghamshire during the 1990s and early 2000s. I made a lot of good friends and saw a lot of weird stuff, some of the stories have made their way into the book, woven into the story and plot with a healthy dose of realism.

I have a presence on IMDB for various work – Producer, writer, actress etc.

I have 13k followers on Twitter, around 1500 on my author page on Facebook and 6500 on my blogging page on steemit.com.

Thank you for your time, I hope to hear back from you.

Kindest Regards
Michelle

The tutor told a story of an Agent, because of the frenetic schedules, she uses her 'walking to work and/or meetings' time to sift through query emails. She waits for lights to change and her goal for the morning's walk to work is to reduce the emails by rejecting them as fast as possible.

That means if you don't GRAB her in the first line, your chance is GONE.

That's scary!

The query letter tells the 'story' of the book and it has to be fascinating from the word GO or you'll have to get to the next Agent and the next and the next.

It's hard work and I'm just starting to learn the ropes. I'm hoping this will not only teach me how to write better query letter, but to also write better too.

If you're interested, this is the site I used:

https://getabookdeal101.com/success