15 November 1999 – It was a cold day, few hours were left in the sunset. There was complete silence in the environment, suddenly it got cut by the crying of a baby and the environment got filled with joy and happiness. A boy was born; there was peace and happiness all around. Well, I didn’t want to go further deeper today but the boy was me!
After 9 years - 2008
“Go and stand outside the class both of you, later on, I’ll take you to the principle,” said my teacher.
“But Ma'am what we have done, I didn’t even know what you’re talking about”?
“Don’t argue with me”! She angrily said
“But Ma'am….” I was not able to complete my sentence
“So you didn’t abuse Tia (Changed Name), Ricky (Changed Name) and the leader of the class are lying?
“Yes, Ma'am! They both are lying. I was going to talk to you that they both false complain to every teacher that I am disturbing the class and Mam they always beat and pinch me during the class and it’s easy for them cause my table is in front of them .” I always wanted to say this but I was never able to.
I and my classmate were punished. We both were forced to remain outside the class ( I forgot the time we stood there, probably 2 or 3 days ). Also while we were standing there the teacher who taught us science came and squeezed our ears so hard, It really pained and I really cried but I somehow controlled myself. I was only 9 years old back then and I didn’t even know what actually ‘bullying’ means?
It was just the start! It was the time I planned on making a movie. I wrote the story and songs for the movie (Though they were absolute garbage). Many problems arrived at me as the time walked. I got health problems and was unable to attend the school for a couple of months. This happened in grade 4 and grade 5 continuously both years.
I have so much to say but I’ll talk about it some other day. But when I look what I am facing from last 4 years I literally cry.
After 4 Years – 2013
I was scared to go to the school after summer holidays cause I was afraid that what if I got the same batch as the students who bullied me earlier. I didn’t asked anyone about their batch during summer cause I didn’t want to talk to them. But as I entered the class I was happy that there were no students in my batch who bullied me earlier. But I didn’t know that what was waiting for me.
As the year continued things changed. People who I thought cared about me started to change their color. I still remember the day when I was constantly begging them to stop beating me. They use to take their Index finger and middle finger bent them down and then with a lot of pressure beat me on my head. I used to put my head down and take a 5 min nap when a lecture end and those people will continuously beat me. And when you get a hit unexpectedly then it pains more. I begged them but they won’t stop. There were some other students who used to go home with me in the same vehicle I use to go. And there were two seniors who just made my life worse. Both of them use to trouble me a lot. They treated me like their servant. Literally, there are so many different things they used to do to me but I don’t have the power to write. I don’t still have a single friend who can be with me, I am just all alone. Well, the time continued then came the worst time of my life.
The year 2014 – Worst Year
I was happy as I reached grade 9 cause there was a boy who used to go home with me after the school. It was the first day of the class. I was sitting beside him. Suddenly came a third person and he threatened me to leave that place. Making fun of my health but the worst part was that the boy whom I thought was my friend was laughing so much. I was broken. But I moved from their cause I don’t have the power to say anything against him. The next second teacher entered the class and started to ask our names and the grades which we scored in the previous class. The boy whom I thought my friend, scored good (Though he used to cheat). The teacher came to us and asked us. People sitting near me scored well so teacher got impressed by them and when I told my grades she treated me like what a racist does. I actually lied to all my classmates that I scored well so that they can’t make fun of me but in front of the teacher I said the truth, cause it is written in every holy book that you should not lie to your teacher and I used to read every single holy book and follow them. But the way she treated me was complete discrimination. She too made fun of my health. I was already crying, sitting alone in the back till I heard the bell for the lunch break. My mom used to make food for me so I took my lunch and moved to the ground. Sat with the same good grade boy (Let’s name him chameleon cause he changed his color) and ate my lunch. I didn’t like to share my lunch with anyone cause I loved the food made by mom. I was thinking that I got the best students this year but the truth was the total opposite of that. The leader of this class was a topper and was same in behavior like I had when I was in grade 3 (The year 2008). The teacher made the class to sit roll number wise and as I thought I was forced to sit between all those bad people. I can’t tell every single thing they did to me cause there are just so many of them that it would take forever to tell them. Let me tell you some incidences that happened to me in the year.
It was the end of a lecture and now it was the time for social science lecture but there was a 5-minute gap between them so I used to take a small nap between them. So like every other day I put my head down but today the chameleon (I don’t feel good calling him this so let’s call him color boy) and people sitting near me started to tickle on my body, make fun of me I was constantly requesting them to stop but they won’t so I moved under the table and tried to escape but still they won’t stop and kept going on, I tried my best but suddenly my leg slipped and in the next second I felled on the floor. At the same time the racist teacher entered and shouted at me, the whole class was laughing at me but I was still on the floor watching everyone laugh at me. I stood up and cleaned myself. At the same time, the leader who was taking care of the class came to the teacher and said that I was disturbing the class when he too knew that what those boys were doing to me, actually he was enjoying too. The teacher called me in front and asked me what the heck I was doing?
“Ma'am, those boys were tickling on me so I escaped under the table,” I said
“Color Boy, come here” teacher ordered color boy
“Yes, Ma'am”
“Were you people tickling and making fun of him”
“No”
She ordered him to go back to his seat, he turned back and smiled, those boys were smiling too. The whole class was looking at me.
“Ma'am seriously I wasn’t doing anything those boys were……”
While I was trying to tell her the truth she took both her hands and with a lot of pressure slapped on my cheeks. I was stunned. If she at least slapped with one hand then I could have controlled myself. You know when someone hits on your left cheek your head goes in right direction. But she hit me with both her hands and cause of this my head got a sudden vibration. I automatically stopped talking. My eyes became big and got filled with water. She then ordered me to get out of her class. I silently walked outside. I’ll be honest I was crying so bad but without any noise. I even told her that she can take a look at the footage of the security camera which was in our classroom but she denied saying I was lying. I’ll be honest my eyes got filled with tears while writing to this. I mean if I am not good at studies then that doesn’t mean that I am not a human. Just wanted to say that I was very good at studies in earlier classes but due to these things happening to me, my studies went down. I failed in maths and scored below average grades. I hated that the teacher believed in color boy within 1-second cause he was a top scorer and never ever believed me because I was just an average boy, good at nothing….
One day during the test Color boy and his group asked me solution of a question and no matter what I had to give them the solution cause if I didn’t, they would threaten me after the test. It was social science exam that day. So I told them the answer. Later on, when teacher distributed the checked paper I started laughing slowly to myself. The reason was that she crossed the same answer which I told those people in my sheet but she gave full marks on that exact same answer to those people in their sheets. I mean if that isn’t discrimination that I don’t know what to call that? And this time I didn’t ask her to check my answer sheet again cause one time earlier when I asked her to check my answer sheet again as I had some confusions and I thought I could improve those mistakes in final exams, she beat me with a stick. And the same time entered the classroom one of the heads of the school and as I expected my honorable teacher complaint the head about me and like always that head punished me. The same time family problems started and I did not know what to do? Everyone hated on me, teachers, students just everyone. I mean if I didn’t have health like you then what’s my fault in that? I am a human too, I too have feelings, and so why was this happening to me.
My studies went down and because of this, my teachers started to punish and make fun of me. I want to convey a lot more but it would take forever, but one more, Please!!
It was the time of my first final exam, I still remember the day. I woke up at 5 A.M that day cause my sister had her flight early in the morning. I really wanted her to stay with me but she had to leave. So when she left I decided to study some topics which I skipped earlier. I took blessings from my mom and left the house. It was morning assembly going on in the school and I was standing in the class line praying to god for the exam. It was time for everyone to move to their respective rooms for the exam, so I took my bag pack which I kept under the tree but as I came back to stand in the class line, those boys threw me away and people all around started laughing at me and cause of this the vice principal thought that I was messing around and was having fun by disturbing everyone. So she called me upon and ordered to stand in the corner till the whole assembly gets dismissed. After the assembly, she came to me and asked that why I had so much long hairs so I told her that I was busy studying for the exams.
“Oh! So you were studying, I pretty well know that you were having fun with your friends. Stop lying to me”
And as I was explaining her about my studies she checked my nails and they were long too. So she shouted at me like I committed a murder. The Same time came the principle, she as well shouted at me. She said that she’ll call a barber to cut my hairs but I somehow managed to convince her to not do so. But she ordered me to go to the office and cut my nails. My whole body was trembling. I ran towards the office and asked one of the teachers there for a nail cutter. She almost took 15 minutes but the good thing was that I got a nail cutter. It was nearly impossible to cut my nails with it cause it was very small, looked like it was made for some 6-year-olds. I used it somehow but was unable to cut the thumbs nail because of its small size. I then quickly ran to the room but she stopped me again asking to show my nails again to her but she saw that I didn’t cut the thumbs nail so she suddenly hit me on my nails with a stick. She ordered me to cut that too, so I ran towards the office again. I asked for the nail cutter again, thanks to god I got it soon. It was so difficult to cut my nail with it so I applied a lot of pressure and cause of this the blade inside it hit my thumb and in the next second my hand was filled with blood. But I covered it with my handkerchief and ran towards my room. This time I couldn’t find her to show her that I cut my nails, so I decided to go directly to my room. I searched my room and gave the exam. I was sad cause I got around 45 minutes late. I prepared for the exam so hard cause in pre-annuals I scored 19 out of 100 in mathematics. My only question is that there were so many bad people in the school but no one ever said them a single word and to me, they always had dictionaries with themselves.
I scored 6.2 CGPA that year.
I don’t want to talk more about that year.
Came the year 2015 – Grade 10
Next session of school was started in the month of April. I skipped the first and second day of school. As I was skinny so my teacher made fun of me everywhere in the school. I was so scared after the previous year. A few days later my sister came home, she was going on holiday so I convinced everyone in my house and finally got permission to go with her. I was happy and I skipped whole April month of school. Then the summer holidays started and I was given a lot of projects. And still, family problems were going on. But now they became a lot serious because of my relatives. I seriously hate them a lot. I used to go to bed at 12 but I used to sleep at 2. I hated my life so much cause problems were hitting me from everywhere.
June 2015 – Holidays were Over
I skipped few days of school cause I was unable to complete the projects.
Few days after in school suddenly I got a fever, glucose level became low. So I needed rest. The same time class was shouting and was having fun. A few minutes later came the teacher and punished by making entire class stand on their feet and put their hands straight up 180 degrees. It was really painful for me so I asked her that I am sick and I want to sit and take a short nap but she refused by saying that I am lying.
“Seriously, couldn’t you see me?” I wanted to say but I didn’t.
I was forced to obey her. A single second was like an hour for me. I told one of my classmates who was sitting behind me that I am not feeling well. So he created an illusion that looked like I was standing but in reality I was sitting. It was not perfect but it really helped. I am still thankful to that person. It feels normal reading this but actually, it was really painful for me. As it is said that “It’s so easy to talk than to actually face”.
Well during this time cause I was fed up with my life I started to at least skip school 2 days in a week. And due to this, I had a shortage of attendance so I was ordered to attend extra class when the session 2015 was about to complete.
My classmates lied to me that they didn’t study anything during summer holidays but as the session continued during random talks they accidentally accepted that they studied a lot. Just want to say this cause now the ‘School’ isn’t the place where long ago people use to learn manners, humanity, honesty, knowledge etc.
Well, family problems were just not ending, nor were the bullies. Everyone around was making fun of me, my health, my problems! Really hurting.
I was however managed to score 8.6 CGPA this year. Thank you, god!
Next session began but this year It was clear to me that I didn’t want to go to school anymore. So I lied to my family and somehow made them agree to do homeschooling. But at the same time, I also made them agree to change my school. So I filled up all the forms and then submitted them. But then surprisingly one day a classmate of mine in school came and convinced my family that I shouldn’t do homeschooling.
So I canceled my application for leaving the school and took the admission for next session in the same school. This means that no Homeschooling. But somehow I was able to develop a confidence in me but it didn't work out! I again skipped school for a couple of days. But when I attended my first class it was all same like I had in earlier classes. Teachers and students were all same, making fun of me. I came home and cried for an almost whole day. I attended school for couple more days but I asked my sister that I won’t attend school even a single day. So she did everything for me. But I still didn’t told anyone that what I was facing because there were just so many problems that were already going on in our family that I didn’t want to give them more.
I started homeschooling. Bullying stopped to a much extent (Cause now I was not in contact with them) but not completely.
And Now When I am Writing This – The year 2017
My life is still a joke. I am really all alone. No clue what to do next? What will be my future? What will be the future of my family? I act to be happy in front of my family so that they won’t take any more tension cause of me.
People won’t change, whenever they get the chance they still don’t miss to bully me. They still use me to impress girls. I am just like a servant to everyone in this world. And now I am not even in contact with anyone except some people. Completely hibernated in my house. And I am 100% sure I will definitely scoreless in final exams this year. And then as usual everyone will make fun of me. Nothing is changing, I am really scared. It’s been 4 whole years; I want a better life a better world! If you bully someone then please stop right now cause you didn’t know how it feels to be bullied. Please!
Just don’t know what kind of happiness those students, teachers, relatives, people get from bullying me. Why they always want to see me down? Not saying this to prove myself best but literally, it’s a lot of pressure being a kid and a teenager. Problems are just not ready to stop. Mornings are not happy instead they are filled with tensions that what new problem is going to arrive today?
Bullying someone would be fun to you but for that person, it’s a punishment without a crime! And honestly, it feels so good after writing this stuff. PEACE!
www.rishinema.com