We need no help. In fact I've just put the entire forces up in a local Holiday Inn Express. I'll be handling this on the way over there and joining them for coffee by 10:15 AM EST. I figure it will take me about 20 seconds to find Team Australia just by looking down underneath everything. Once I locate their stronghold, I will simply expose them to a case of XXXX Gold 12.5% and once the effects of my chemical weapon take hold, i shall simply smear vegamite stolen from their mess kits all over their vehicle controls. Unable to firmly grasp the now quite slippery controls in their chemically induced stupor, I will just walk away. The effects will wear off after the war has ended and they will all find that they have somehow driven and parked in each others front lawns. But aren't sure how to get back to their own homes. Thus we have then reduced our opponents to primarily the TEAM Phillipines group, which poses a major threat, since they have long since infiltrated our tech support centers and taken them over and they have written much of our software as well, while posing as remote allies in friendlier times.
But I can handle that too, because I can simply go to Elance.com and replace their Army with cheaper TEAM India contractors who are generally unable to read our command code, as they have not yet learned to interpret the encoding behind of our top secret affirmative and negative head bobbing signals. We've managed to obfuscate them so that this team tends to interpret them backwards.
With TEAM Australia derailed and fighting off XXXX Gold chemical agents, and TEAM Phillipines replaced with TEAM India for a lower cost with less ability to intercept our head nod code, that doesn't leave much of a mess to clean up. Since the American's are lazy, this is optimal for us, as most can sleep late and the others can knock off work early. It's casual Friday after all. War or no war.
Once Ive applied the XXXX Gold agent, and placed the vegamite super sticky lubricants on their vehicle controls, and outsourced TEAM Phillipines to TEAM India, I will simply return to the Holiday Inn express field base myself, as I should still be able to catch the free breakfast buffet and be on time for "Ripping Good Cars In Half featuring top mechanic Bob Bigbeard" on the Speed channel at 11am EST. Tough day, but i got this. Everyone else, just save me some donuts and coffee at the base.
Syncronize your chronometers. I'm moving into position now under cover of blankets until daylight.
Oh yes, TEAM Canada. We have actually secretly already aligned with TEAM Canada and arranged for frequent orders to arrive from Commander Horton, who has promised there will be coffee and donuts in every remote base and supplement them by airdrop as an army marches on it's stomach. They will also be providing most of the medic's supplies in the form of the countries biggest export, cannabis. This will have to be provided through ground supply lines via secret trails established in the forest near Michigan, and North Dakota USA.
Our biggest threat is TEAM UK, I suppose, because if they can get their 1974 Mini started, they could theoretically bring their entire armed forces to bear on us with their most advanced form of troop carrier finally online after that lorry incident in the car park in Cardiff last spring. But we only need our K-Bars for combat as their unique military constraints do not allow them to use firearms as that is against the London Convention. Also, General Piers Morgan appears unable to command much of anything, especially, anyone's attention, including that of his own countrymen. That threat has already been assessed as fully neutralized.
Any questions, Gentlemen?
Hahaha - funny stuff SirCork - I trust you have packed enough fun and frivolity into your rucksack to last the entire 10 days of STEEM WARS - see you there!
Ruck sacks are for suckas. I will be arriving in body armor by Tommy Hilfiger and carrying only what I will need. a bottle opener, a can opener, a smart phone with elance saved as a favorite and a small field issue water bong. For medical emergencies. Should the brits arrive in the mini, i will simply allow them to spot and follow me, where in I will lead them to a 4 way intersection. As their computers are only programmed for roundabout navigation on the metric system, the american 4 way exchange should make short work of them as well.