An open letter to TOTGA (the one that got away)

I was 18 back then, when we first crossed our paths. Without remembering the exact day or month it is, the feeling reminds me every moment of our story. It was a typical weekend night when I was invited by my couz to accompany her sa isang session of get together. New found friends of hers daw whom she had been telling me for times already before i met you that day. It was fun. Really it is. We came in, sat and joined you guys. All your friends were all kind and accompanying. All good vibes everywhere and sobrang gaan lang pakisamahan. As far as i remember, you were in one corner playing dota while one of your friend is trying to diskarte na. But since i was not there to entertain anyone as i am also in a relationship that time, i just go with the flow and enjoyed the night. It was quite late and were all kinda tipsy na when you joined the circle, started playing the guitar, sang. And that caught my attention agad. As you were sitting in front of me, you really look so familiar so i was trying to figure out sinong kamuka mo the whole time. What caught my attention more is that, most of the songs you were playing was of yeng’s ( TAKE NOTE: die hard fan ako that time ) so the night passed and we stayed in your place with the entire group till the next day. You with your friends offered us a good breakfast, relaxing stay, and even offered to drop us home which is 30-40 mins drive away from your place.. Days passed and same sessions happened again. Twice, thrice, every weekend, every other day, till i felt so comfortable with you that we even became friends. I admit you were that kind of guy na perfect boyfriend. Our love for the same kind of music brought us closer. Our bully attitudes, our long drive trips, our food and movie trips. Our hang out na even wala na ung friends around and tayo na lang we still enjoy each others company. No label but i know i have fallen already. The effort of hatid sundo everytime you want to hang out, yung pagiging gentleman to always insist na ipagpaalam ako although palagi kitang pinipigilan. Yung pagmamayabang mo ng mga luto mo for me kahit na corned beef naman lagi mo pinapakain sakin 😂 (Pero magaling ka talaga magluto, over confident ka lang) Sobrang responsible mo when it comes to gawaing bahay. From preparing our breakfast, washing the dishes, to cleaning the house, to doing your laundry and lahat. Feeling ko that moment, kung magging tayo, magiging prinsesa mo talaga ko. There’s not a single moment na ndi ko naappreciate ung mga ginagawa mo because for a guy at your age during our time, ikaw na talaga ang the best. How can I forget the dates. The way you plan and get ready as if it is always our first date. You always spoil me and make sure that i get satisfied and happy all the time. Pero when it comes to ordering ako lagi ung pang front mo kasi nahihiya kang magsalita. And that hits me deeper. Your being soft spoken to the point nga na kahit wala ka ng sabihin because all your actions show how much i mean to you. Sa mga tingin at kilos mo that explains each and every word that you want to say. One time pa nga when you asked me to come with you in a place where ayaw mo talaga sakin sabihin kung saan. It was a long drive and i was clueless where our destination would be. I was surprised when you brought me to your hometown. everyone was so welcoming and happy to see you be back. They were thanking me for bringing you back home as you’ve never been there for quite long time. You opened up yourself in full to convince me for your good intentions and plans for us. I was speechless the whole night. Everyone around are saying things which i barely understand kasi ndi pa nag ssink in sakin ung moment where we are. We both are in a complicated different relationship that time thats why. You dont know how much i wanted to be yours and how much i wanted you to be mine. You dont know how much im praying to god na sana in one glance maayos lahat ung situation ko and situation mo so everything could be perfect between us. Those moments we had were perfect but just in our own thoughts as the moments we spent were only borrowed time from reality. Nakisama pa ung malakas na ulan at that moment where we got stucked in one place to wait for the weather to calm down. And for the very first time words were spoken. That was the first and only moment where in we talked about US. For the first time, lahat ng pinaramdam mong importance ko was explained. For the very first time ndi na lang un actions but words. We found ourselves crying thinking how we could make things right for us. You said, in time. When we both could meet again in the right time. Where there would be no one else from our part to be left behind. When time is perfect for our perfect love. For the next 2years, pag ok na lahat, Pag 20 na ko, we’ll give US a chance 💔 and so we part ways. I was ready to be yours but time was not. We could make it happen but we chose just to hope that if were really meant to be, destiny will bring us together back. Exactly on my 20th Birthday, you did came back. Walang paligoy ligoy you asked if i still remember your promises. Yearssss passed.. and Now we both have our own lives. Im not sure if I mattered to you the way you did to me. Upto now i still have the what ifs in my mind. I dont know why i always find myself stalking your profile where in i could not find any but how youre fullfiling all your promises to me. Yun nga lang, ndi na sakin but to your new family. Im always flooded with unanswerable questions in my head. Why did i just let go? Why did you not fight for us? Why didnt we take a step into a relationship were in we both want? Why did we let the destiny separate us? Why am I here looking back, longing for answers to complete the emptiness i feel in my heart. And so maybe by writting this i could let go of these thoughts, i could let go of you, i could let go of the perfect love standard of mine which were all from memory of you.