His name is Wheels, because with those nasty habits, he will be rolling around in a wheelchair in no time.

Melee 6 (and degrades with every turn as bruises develop and his legs get sore)
HP 3 (he is buffed, but steroid abuse has left him fragile)
Speed ? (Floating, since you know, he might be under heavy drugs at any given time)
Armor 1 (wears just a t-shirt but has a jock strap under those muay thay shorts)
Mana cost 4 (after all, he is just a regualr dude who wants to drink beer with his friends)

Special ability - 25% chance to get a critical hit of such speed that his leg actually goes back in time and hits your dad in the nards, deleting you from existence and essentially losing the entire round instantly