Steemit Sandwich Contest Week 15. "First aider"

Well, that weekend went too damn quick!

Why? you might ask, and I'd be obliged to respond as I brought it up and obviously was trying to be conversational.

Unfortunately, you weren't here so I wrote your dialogue too.

Why thank you, you're too kind.

But to the task at hand, I spent the weekend renewing my first aid certificate. Besides living with a toddler, two seniors and a hot prego, I also work with old boys that could kick out on me any day, so knowing first aid is imperative for my piece of mind. Also it looks good on my resume and was free through the union, so a no brainer. Only thing it did cost was my weekend, but I got to sleep in till 6:45am then threw together this beautiful beast in the first breaths of morning.

I know what your thinking... That piece of shit looks like every other crappy bagel you've entered, it's like your not even trying, and that's right, not only do I put words in your mouth, I'm going full out omnipotent and reading minds.

So a sandwich ain't a sandwich without meat, no matter what those carrot sucking vegans will have you believe. Some chopped up pepperettes fried.

Couple eggs because breakfast, and because it holds meat and cheese together wonderfully, spiced with some celery salt and black pepper, delicious.

Toasted everything bagel, cause what other bagel would any one want? Seasame seed? Bland, Cinnamon raisin? Well yeah, I like those too. Sad I only could think of two and I wouldn't have minded one, my point is moot already.

Do I got the bagel, pepperettes, eggs spices, threw on some chunks of smoked mozzerella, then realized my Sammy needed some color to make it healthy.

Presto Pesto! Damn I love me some pesto, and Kirkland makes a half decent one.

And that's it.

Pretty fucking simple, pretty fucking delicious. I know, Dick move to be swearing so much, so I'll make it up to you with some first aid tips.

-In a lightning strike try to revive the dead first.

-Pour vinegar on jelly fish bites instead of pissing on them, unless your into that kind of thing.

-Pregos should avoid resting on their right side.

-talk through, and if possible record everything you say and do while performing first aid to avoid litigation

-airways, breathing, circulation

-Heimlichs family is a bunch of money grubbing dicks, long live the abdominal thrust maneuver, which comes after five back blows

-Moisten intestine bandages

• 5-6cm compressions x 30 to 2 1sec breaths CPR

-I make a damn good sandwich