There’s an old movie with Bill Murray where he essentially relives the same day over and over. Initially, it’s not his favorite day. But he learns to respond to events differently until he becomes a good person and out of that a great life is sure to follow.
If we think about it, a lot of people live a version of Groundhog Day between Monday to Friday if they work those days at a nine to five job. They usually take public transit (or commute) at roughly the same time each day. They take their breaks, lunches, go home, watch some Netflix, and then go to bed.
Families with kids have a few “extra” things thrown in. Such as make the school lunches, take the school bus, drive to soccer, etc. I am barely coping with those. I am not one of these people that finds routines comforting. I have tried to approach some of these chores as rituals.
I have had more success accepting the less task oriented items as rituals. My first cup of black coffee. Finishing the day with a tea and a good book. On the other hand, preparing the school lunches….Let’s just say that the thrill of preparing them is gone. I know, I should have a better attitude.
What I am finding especially difficult are the same arguments that surface at about the same time each day about the same things. Unlike Bill Murray, my girls never choose to respond to the situation differently so that we can start avoiding the conflict.
Between 7:42 – 7:52 AM : Argument breaks out by who gets to use the bathroom. Both girls absolutely need to use the upstairs (not the downstairs) bathroom. They make sure they are not doing something that they could easily be doing in their room such as brushing their hair.
Between 3:45PM – 3:50 PM: Somehow there are only 3 cookies left and they are at an impasse of what they should do. They each try and make their case of why they should have the additional cookie dredging up every possible unfair thing that has happened in the last five years, thereby opening up old scabs of conflicts past.
These are just two examples.
I try and take the high road with them.
“You know I will buy more cookies soon, there should be no scarcity mentality around here. Who cares if you don’t have the cookie?” Or in the case of the other example, I try to bring up over supper, “It’s a harsh world out there. You are in older grades now, so school is tougher. Sometimes people you think are your friends are not your friends. School projects in groups suck. This is why it is so important that we treat our home as a sanctuary and there should be no vile arguments about the bathroom in the morning.”
I try and take the practical road with them.
“I bought you each a package of cookies and somehow we are still confused as to whom this package this belongs to. I cannot buy 15 boxes of cookies ahead of time because you guys will not pace yourselves when I buy treats. As luck would have it, we happen to have 1 -2 boxes of chocolate covered almonds (more on that in a future post). So I will eat the extra cookie and you can each have 5 chocolate covered almonds which will take up the whole box. “
I try to manipulate the discussion so that they come up with their own solutions. This way there should be more “buy in” into the solution.
“Veronique you wake up earlier. Why don’t you guys think of a workable schedule for the bathroom? Your dad and I don’t need it at all between 6:30 AM and 8:00 AM every morning. You are only two people. That is 90 minutes of available time. There is also a shower available in the bathroom downstairs?”
Unfortunately, the only solution that has “buy in” is if we sell the house, buy a much bigger house, and they each get their own master bedroom with their own private washroom. That’s the helpful solution they came up with.
The other day, I was watching two preschoolers run to press the button to change the traffic. The one that looked a little older, won. The younger one started crying. This brought back fond memories for me. I can say with certainty that we’ve at least past that stage. Maybe we will outgrow fight for the bathroom at 7:52 AM, eventually? Hopefully?
I gotta go… The girls are here and we are going to watch a movie together on itunes. I hope I can order Groundhog Day.
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Oh my thrill for making lunches is long gone as well. Summer vacation is soon upon us :D
The bathroom fights is also an issue here with also having the possibility of using the downstairs one. Much joy do these kids bring!
I would try maybe... flip a coin to see who goes in first and have a timer. Only allowed, let's say, 15 min and its the next persons time to go in, finished or not, that's all you get :P
I grow tired of these arguments to the point where I could peel my own skin off. I totally get it. Much strength and patients to you!
Thanks for your comment. It's good to know that my house is not the only chaotic house and that other mothers are living similar battles.
There are many! They are tough to live through but one day we can all laugh at this. Maybe have a little payback when they get married and bring up these funny stories :p
I remember being young and thinking the world revolved around me. Now we have two boys of our own, but they aren't too bad for the most part. Yet.
I tend more towards the path that there will just not be any cookies anymore if we can't come to some sort of compromise here. Lol. Short fuse on that sort of stuff.