When my wife and I first got together we pretty much knew straight away what we both wanted.
I remember when I first saw my wife I said to my friend at the time that I knew she would be the girl I would up marrying. Fast forward 11 years and we have been married for over 9 years now and have 3 amazing children, 2 boys and a girl.
We were sat talking the other day about the last time we actually had some quality time together without children or being pregnant. Just going out for a drink, for dinner or even just popping to the shops together… ALONE…The answer was 3 years.
When you don’t even have the possibility to do the things you would have done when it was just the two of you, this obviously includes sex.
As parents your whole day is spent either at work or for stay at home parents its looking after your kids, and for those who do work, you get home after a busy day and spend time with your kids. Don’t get me wrong, I am painting this out to be bad but it isn’t. What is bad though is having the sorts of kids who see sleep as the devil.
This presents a problem, as it gets in the way of doing all of the things throughout the day you told yourself you could do when the kids are asleep, but what happens when your kids don’t like sleep!
If you aren’t able to even carry out the most basic of tasks in the evening what hope do you have to have any intimate time together as a couple.
As a man I love shaking the sheets, but what makes it worse is the fact that I get to see my wife naked everyday, knowing that an opportunity 99% of the time won’t materialise.
I wouldn’t class us as a 50 shades sort of couple, but for me, being intimate with my wife is very important. Obviously I like sex but the thing I love the most about it is the closeness it brings which gets heightened the longer it is between those times.
Nowadays, sex has become planned, you almost have a window of opportunity to take it otherwise it will be at least another 24 hours before that opportunity arrises again and its usually between the hours of 10.30pm – midnight, which is always the worst, when you have had a long day.
So you carefully plan it, the moment you hear snoring is your window to dash into the shower, get into bed, turn the lights off for fear of waking any child that may see a light on, do some naked wrestling and then go to sleep. It just turns into another item to add to your list of things to do for that day.
Once upon a time I would have classed this as vanilla sex, it’s nice, it satisfies a craving but it always leaves you wanting something a bit more Wow.
But now I crave that time between 10.30pm – midnight, as I know that providing the kids haven’t been to full on, too demanding, too much for that day, that I could end that day the best way possible. We might not have the ability to have another date night any time soon, but we still have our windows of opportunities.
I now no longer see the carefully planned out night of vanilla sex as just nice, what was just nice once upon a time has turned into raspberry ripple sex as I Iike to call it…You have hints of just nice but the overall flavour is something much more satisfying.
What was once just ordinary, plane, nice sex, has now turned into satisfying the cravings of being intimate with my wife, getting that close feeling that bonds us so well. I function at my best when I feel content, loved and untouchable, I have those feelings when I feel as close to my wife as I possibly can. For me being intimate with my wife is the best way of expressing and achieving this.
I'm not married, and really don't know if I want to get married. However, I think this is life information useful for everyone. Thanks for letting us into your life on a personal level.
Thank you so much for the kind words... The one thing I never thought about before kids was how much it would affect this kind of thing... Obviosuly it wouldnt have made a difference, but I could have at least been prepared :)
You are very welcome. :) I assumed it affected this kind of thing, but I'm happy to hear that it hasn't changed your relationship for the worse.
It used to, before I wised up and realised how selfish I was being! If anything now it has made us stronger and closer as we are now both on the page and we both understand each other that little bit more :)
That's what marriage is all about. Compromising, working together, and communication.
I couldnt agree with you more, sometimes it takes some of us just a little longer to figure that out!
very true. I'm a triplet and most my brother and sister are married now. One a little over a year and one a little under a year. I see their struggles and triumphs. Learning from them a bit.
This is an absolutely amazing read, I am not a parent but I can really relate in so many ways. Me and my girlfriend have been together over 8 years now and we both work very demanding/stressful jobs. My girlfriend wakes up at 430am most mornings for work and gets home at 8pm so as you can imagine finding these windows of opportunity come few and far between. I've for a long time put stress and pressure on her because of this but you have made me realise to appreciate the times we do have together!!!!!! thank you
Ah thank you so much... Wow ok, so you get it too with the hours your girlfriend works.. I will hold my hands up and admit I used to get annoyed if my wife couldnt find time for me, but I really had to take a step back and look at it from her point of view... She would be up early, work a day at the hospital (she is a nurse) pick the kids up, get home, make us all dinner, sort washing out and do any other chores before I got home, then when I got home, bath kids, try and get them ready for bed... She was exausted but as you know, men can turn it on and I expected her to be the same... How wrong was I! Its all about finding a happy medium and that window of opportunity whether its mind blowing or just nice... Chances are if its been that long it will be mind blowing even if its just regular :)
You've really helped open my eyes. I have never stepped back and thought about it. Normally just ends in bickering. Appreciate the wise words pal :)
Im so pleased that this post has helped... We used to be like that, which just made things worse.... My pleasure :)
Very sweet Alex
Thank you :)