Trading is incredibly difficult for the spiritually-minded. And it is definitely not for everyone. I have found it to really show me areas where I lack awareness, surrender, and have too much attachment. For me, this is great, as it allows me to really meditate on those areas and go deeper into why and where I have those attachments so I can break free of them. It has actually become a very valuable spiritual tool for me. But, it isn't easy.
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Yes. I get what you're sharing. I traded for several years and experienced a similar purification. Some of us evidently, probably most of us conditioned souls, have to learn by experiencing. Now I'm winning, now I'm losing, this is greed this is fear and all the adrenalin rush that goes with it. The roller coaster... Until we get a higher taste and then we get off the ride. that higher taste is so high, it's "out of this world." No way to imagine how that could be until we get it. that higher taste of love of God is so powerful it burns out all the other stuff. But I went through the trading thing for along time.