I think the problem here simply is that private messaging will never be a part of steem, even though it could become a part of steemit.com. But the developers right now are busy finetuning steem, so the development of additional steemit.com-features may take a while.
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The Steem blockchain already includes private messaging and development is in progress to support it on steemit.com.
oh. I didn't know that. :)